Why am I here?
Why are any of us here? Ultimately, this is the question that I intend for us to answer together. I believe that this is the purpose of our existence, to understand the very nature of existence itself (its self), but before we begin to tumble down that rabbit hole, let me take a step back and start by saying that I’m here on Medium because I want to learn more about what I do not know, share what I do know, and connect with fellow travellers. If I’ve already piqued your interest and got your attention, that’s great, welcome. Please do me the honour of connecting and subscribing. If you need more convincing, then please, continue...
One thing can change everything…
My journey towards increasing wisdom began when I accepted that:
I know nothing. I now know something…
My predestination was set for the morning of the 9th of July 2015. This is the moment that I woke up. I will explain more about what I mean by this in due course, but essentially the veil of illusion that I had been living behind suddenly lifted in what I can only summarise to be the most terrifying and unifying experience of enlightenment.
In that moment I became aware that I was not my thoughts; I was not my mind; I was not my body. I was nothing, yet paradoxically I was everything. As consciousness separated from my personality (the personal identity I had created for my self), my mind literally exploded because it was witnessing its self no longer being my self.
In that moment everything changed, and for the first time I became fully conscious and self aware. I became aware of awareness. In that moment, the self, or more accurately the no self (nothing), made sense. Nothing, or no thing, made sense because I had deconstructed everything to the point where all that remained was no thing, and yet paradoxically there I was, as nothing, something, and everything…
Our choices quite literally determine our reality. Quantum Physics suggests that how we choose to observe reality predetermines how reality comes into existence. In essence, the thing that we are searching for is the self, and the self is elusive because it is both nowhere and everywhere all at once. It is within every moment, yet it is timeless and without time. The fulcrum of the self, of existence, and of ultimate reality, is choice, and “i AM” that choice. To quote Shakespeare:
To be, or not to be, that is the question…
This is why the “i AM” is so important. How we choose to label ourselves determines who, or what, or how we are. It’s the very essence of how existence came into Being, choice chose to manifest its self.
The truth of existence is that “i AM” nothing, and paradoxically “i AM” EVERYTHiNG. The something that most of us come to identify with is transitory.
If we deconstruct our Being, what remains is nothing, for the body is just a collection of concepts based on an assembly of constructs. Each assembled construct builds upon, and is dependent upon, the previous one. The one particle forms wave patterns, wave patterns form “atoms”, atoms form molecules, molecules form cells, cells form blood, bone, and tissue, until we reach significant complexity to develop a sense of self identity, but the self we identify with is an illusion that ultimately arises from nothing, the no self, or pure consciousness.
Realising this one thing changed everything for me. This is why “i AM” here, because at some point we are all going to awaken from the dream and realise that we are both the dreamer and the dream.
“i AM”. I EXiST.
We appear to have fallen foul of a common misconception, which is to believe that:
I think, therefore I am.
This is an inaccurate statement because thought originates from mind. If we remove thought, then what remains is no thought, yet within no thought there is still awareness. There is still consciousness. Becoming aware of awareness, and breaking free from mind (thought, feeling, and action) removes the illusion of duality and returns us to the realm of ultimate truth, and ultimate reality, that we are all one.
Therefore, a more accurate interpretation of “I think, therefore I am” is:
“i AM”. I EXiST.
I have taken this a step further by deliberately choosing to intermix CAPiTAL letters with the lower case “i” to create a specific and intended meaning, and I will elaborate more on this in future articles, but to summarise:
• The “i” represents the source of all things (the creator).
• The “i” is the infinite, unmanifested potential (no thing), whereas the capital letters represent the finite, that which has become MANiFEST (the CREATED).
• The “i” EXiSTS within all things.
• The “i” is the absence of EVERYTHiNG, and is the experiencer and the experience of nothing.
• The “i” is who WE are.
• The “i” is who “i AM”, and best of all, the “i” is self-evident because, I EXiST.
Ergo, “i AM”. I EXiST.
The ”i” is the paradox of enlightenment that we seek to understand, because it is the key to understanding our self. The “i” is paradoxically within EVERYTHiNG, something, and nothing…
Without directly experiencing nothing, or more accurately without experiencing the absence of something, nothing is a difficult, perhaps impossible, concept for us to get our heads around. This is because our minds typically work within the boundaries of constructs and concepts, and it is very easy to become fooled into believing that we are our thoughts, feelings, and actions. We can automatically identify with our thoughts and feelings, especially when we construct our reality based on the English language, whereby we might say, I’m sad, or I’m happy, when a more accurate turn of phrase might be to say, I am feeling sad, or I am witnessing happy thoughts.
We are the experiencer, but paradoxically we are also the experience, and whilst the experience will eventually pass, the experiencer remains. The experiencer is what I shall refer to as consciousness, and the essence of consciousness is choice. The experience is what I shall refer to as CONSCiOUSNESS.
the truth LiES within…
The “i” of consciousness is hidden within EVERYTHiNG, yet the illusion is so subtle, so simple, so convincing, that most of us may never come to realise it. Thankfully, we all have at least one spiritual (fully conscious) experience in our lives… it’s called death, but if the awakening comes at the moment of death, then I would argue that we missed an opportunity to experience our authentic self within this unique expression of consciousness that is Being human…
As a species, we humans seem to have become more obsessed with creating an illusory self identity, than we are with investigating and understanding the true nature of the self. Experiencing, and thus knowing, the ultimate reality of the self, that contains both our form-based creation, with that of our formless creator, returns us to the innate peace and grace that resides within.
Peace and grace are ever present, but we appear to have collectively forgotten this. We have become distracted, believing that we need to “attain” or “obtain” peace through some external, existential, or otherworldly act. We seem to believe that peace must exist “out there” before we can experience it “in here”. The truth is that peace is always present, and peace is always accessible within us. It can be rediscovered at any moment by simply dialling down the noise of our thinking mind to reveal the natural stillness of consciousness; by acknowledging and accepting the truth presented to us by our feelings, and by taking no further actions. When we become still, and I mean Being still, not trying to be still, when we are truly still, we know peace.
The path to peace and grace became clearer to me as I began to focus my conscious awareness and my conscious intention towards answering these two seemingly basic questions:
1. Who is “i”?
2. What do I want?
These two questions are how we verify who “i AM” for our self.
You see, no one is ever going to be able to tell you who you are, because that is the paradox of enlightenment. “i AM” YOU.
The path of enlightenment is like a giant bowl of spaghetti. We are not all at the same point or place on the path, and there are many overlaps and intersections. Sometimes we gain a conscious insight or insight into consciousness, and we jump from one part of the path to another, making what feels like a quantum leap forward. Sometimes what feels like a progressive step forward ends up taking us back to a previous loop. We can become stuck within these loops, endlessly trying the same thing, over and over again, hoping that each time we will find the appropriate path. (This is the essence of karma, whereby we must repeat the loop until such time that we complete the loop with conscious awareness, thus freeing our self from the unconscious mind.)
The paradox of enlightenment is akin to the analogy of the giant bowl of spaghetti, which has no beginning and no end. Where the spaghetti ends, is where it begins, and where it begins, is where it ends. Reality does not change post enlightenment, only the realisation of the infinite, timeless, non-changing self. That “i AM” always here. That “i AM” always now. This is what is meant by:
Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
It is only through the pursuit of truth, through discipline and surrender, that we find our self right where we have always been, on the path. The truth LiES within, so to begin to identify with the one who LiES is to begin to find the truth, and the truth will set us free because “i AM” not who YOU think I am ;-)
Only when we realise who “i AM” will we know peace… and peace is the one thing we are all searching for. Some of us just don’t realise, or admit that, until it’s too late...
When a student is ready, the master appears…
