STREET RAG Anecdotes About: Humphrey Jones

The Cyber.

Humphrey Jones road his bike to the liquor store.

The cops had taken his drivers license away after running his 84 Pontiac into a schoolyard fence. He lost his job at the supermarket two weeks prior to the incident, showing up drunk for a staff meeting.

Jones was the son of Leonard, a chicken-shit mechanic who used to beat his mother Lorraine. Humphrey was a victim of his fathers’ cowardice as well. As he aged to the ripe old year of forty-four this became more evident.

The oldest of three siblings Humphrey was the least ambitious, least talented and least successful of them all. He was wise but that didn’t amount for much in the town of New Harbor Michigan. The dull life on the peninsula led to quite a few addictions. A plague the town hasn’t been able to shake.

Humphrey would drink seven days a week if his wallet would allow it. Often down at The Cyber. An old dump just east of the carwash. There Humphrey would find comfort. Swatting barflies in the booths lit only by the wartime oil lamps. Usually alone, but every now and then an acquaintance would join him in a round or two.

The Cyber was a special place. It wasn’t important but- special. It opened in 1924 and was somehow able to survive prohibition. The public house served as a haven for the bowels of the city. Local gangs, shady tricksters, closet queers and law enforcement officers drinking on the job. Humphrey felt at home every with single one of them. It was the Neo-artists he took exception to. Those young foul mouthed punks looking to but failing at an attempt to rehash some sort of sixties beat-writer existence. Humphrey would often try to bait them into confrontation especially after a few ales.

The Cyber was owned and ran by Humphreys ex-brother in-law Willie O’Brian. The Irish loyalist and recently elected city councilor.

After Humphreys divorce to Willies sister Maria a few years back, the two did not talk to one another. This was resolved after a stint together in the rehabilitation clinic down on Rutherford Drive.

When flat busted broke Humphrey sometimes sits at the edge of the bar to keep Willie company. Especially on busy nights like Thursday’s. Every now and then Willie will slide him a glass of watered down bourbon (on the house) just to keep him from leaving. Thursday nights are the highlight of the week at The Cyber. Bob Hoffman, Allen Schwartz and Richard Lesman play from seven to midnight. The local jazz trio preform the essentials. Not well, but good enough to satisfy the crowd. As always there is no cover but the typical hat does get passed around for donations.

Jazz is personal to Humphrey. A former horn player himself, he once played in a group in his early twenties. A dynamic Dixieland quartet that toured with the likes of Dizzy Gillespie and Jane McShann. Jones doesn’t like to talk about it but the rumor is that he was having an affair with the drummers’ girlfriend. After a public brawl in the lobby of the Burnham Hotel in Chicago between the two he was expelled from the group by their manager and replaced by Johnny Ludwig.

Willie once told me he was never sure if Humphrey enjoyed the jazz on Thursdays or was whether or not he was tortured by it. Nevertheless, there was always a seat for Humphrey Jones down at The Cyber.