Nobody wants to die.

Three years ago, a few days after the tragedy that was Robin Williams’ passing, I wrote a piece for the Saatchi & Saatchi S corporate website titled, “Genie, You’re Free.” The feedback I received, both in public and private, was overwhelming. Given the last few weeks, I think it’s time to revisit the Genie.
When we wake up in the morning, and after we’ve done the important things like checking our phones for important social media updates about how wonderful everyone else’s life is, there are myriad choices for us, and many directions that our day can take. But for some, there really isn’t a choice at all. For some, and I count myself in this number, the only option is to take a deep breath and start fighting.
Just two months ago, the music world was rocked by the news that Chris Cornell was no longer with us. His spirit and soul live on in the lyrics and music that he graciously bestowed us with in his physical time on this planet, and while our memories are firmly etched with breathtaking performances, the nagging feeling remained. Despite our appreciation of the public persona, we didn’t see the signs of his private struggle.
Last week, I spoke with Larry Close. Recently, Larry’s daughter Destiny lost her life to suicide just days before her 23rd birthday. Seven years prior to that, Larry’s wife and Destiny’s mother also took her own life. Now Larry is on a mission to change the conversation around self-harm and suicide by raising awareness and raising funds by being a huge community advocate for suicide prevention and awareness. Larry kicked off recent efforts with a concert at Vinyl Music Hall in Pensacola called Destiny’s Light, and I was incredibly proud and humbled to be there.
And yesterday, on what would have been Cornell’s 53rd birthday, Linkin Park frontman Chester Bennington seems to have lost his own personal battle. The two men were linked with seemingly unbreakable bonds, having toured and performed together. And Bennington — who was also godfather to Cornell’s 11 year old son — performed at Cornell’s memorial, singing Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”.
When I wrote that article three years ago, I wrote that am in no way an expert when it comes to psychology, mental illness, or depression. The same is true today. But what I do know is that the rush to pass judgment around these topics is one that happens all too quickly. I urge everyone to think before speaking — particularly when it comes to conversations around suicide. By dismissing the pain that an individual has felt as simply cowardice is wholly irresponsible. Any pain that causes someone to feel distressed is a problem, and needs to be addressed. Nobody wants to die. Nobody wants to leave behind their friends, family, and loved ones. But what everyone does want is to be free of pain.
When the conversation around suicide is peppered with accusing tones that suggest selfishness, or places blame upon victims and those who struggle, it is actually the individual talking who is reflecting his or her own insecurities. It is an attempt to talk themselves up at the expense of others. The problem is that when we continuously talk down to others, especially when they are hurting, we make it even harder for them to speak up.
We live in a curious time where we have access to global platforms to share our thoughts with anyone who will listen. But this is also a time where opinions are often shared with more authority than are facts. When the viral potential of a sound bite is more important than any meaning, when popularity precedes proof, and the desire to be first supersedes the significance of being right. As a result we spend a lot of time talking — and far less time listening. And if nobody is listening, who is there to hear a cry for help?
Here’s what I concluded with my previous piece:
“We all have a shared responsibility to look after one another. To do what’s best, and also to do what’s right. To allow each and every person we know and care about to have a voice so they feel so safe and supported that asking for help is always an option. And most importantly of all, we should always be looking for ways to help before that cry even comes.
If there’s anything to take away from the Robin Williams news, it must be this: We are all, regardless of physical attributes or the masks we wear, uniquely fragile. But we are not alone. Whilst it may not always seem like it, there is someone there for you, someone who will listen, understand and help you with whatever you need.
Likewise, remember that there are people out there who are right now struggling with the same internal challenges that Williams was seemingly battling. These are your friends, your family, your neighbors, your colleagues. These are people who are fighting depression and at the same time are trying to convince you that everything is OK.
Check in with them.
Reach out to them and let them know you’re there.
Sometimes, that’s all they need.”
I still believe in everything that I wrote at the time. It resonated with me then as I wrote it. The feedback and follow-up conversations it led to tell me that it resonated with others too. But now it’s time to be more explicit about it. And so, this morning, when I saw Patent Pending bassist Corey DeVincenzo had already taken the lead on facebook, all I had to do was follow:

And I have. On facebook, twitter, instagram and now through this blog. I have made my status exactly the same as Corey’s.
This is isn’t about just listening anymore. This is about being active, not passive. Active listening rather than talking. It’s about changing the conversation and opening ourselves up to those difficult conversations so that others can too. That’s why Larry hosted the Destiny’s Light concert in Pensacola. That’s why organizations such as To Write Love on Her Arms exist, and why 13 Reasons Why was such a lightning rod on Netflix.
So why not change your statuses, update your blogs, and let others know that you understand. That you’re there when you’re needed, and there when you’re not. Stand shoulder to shoulder with those who need you and those who you need.
To paraphrase Corey, “You mean something to somebody. We promise.”
If you need help, or know someone who you think might, there are a lot of great organizations out there. Here’s two in particular:
In the US contact the National Suicide Prevention Line on 1–800–273–8255, or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
In the UK, call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90, visit a local Samaritans branch or samaritans.org
