Confessions of a LinkyBrain

Confessions of a LinkyBrain

To people wondering what a LinkyBrain is, it is a person who perceives the world around them in a unique way, but as a result can appear to others as restless, high ability to offend highly creative and is self aware. It is also a new community of people who think differently who have joined together to use their potential to benefit society and humanity.

Why am I a LinkyBrain?

I am a LinkyBrain as I perceive the world around me in a different way. I perceive the world around me from the logical/ realist perspective, ruled by fact and data. I perceive things this way due to my Aspergers. I joined the LinkyBrain community as it gives me a sense of belonging with people who value my thought processes and want to help reach their potential, whilst using their skills o benefit society.

As it is autism awareness week, to allow people to understand me I used my social media channels to ask my connections to ask me anything. The results were interesting. Whilst I received several likes and shares, which is good for raising awareness, I however had very few questions. Is this because people are now afraid of political awareness? Is asking about autism a taboo subject? Who knows?

The question that I did get asked was What are the best and worst things about autism?

This question got me thinking, so I am going to answer with both in regards to autism and being a LinkyBrain as they go hand in hand. So here is my confession and answer.

My Confession

I think the best thing about being autistic is the ability to think differently and being able to go into hyperfocus.

Hyperfocus

With this, it is able to put me in a comfort zone, which keeps me calm. It does this by when I am focusing on something, It is laser- like precision, where I shut out everything around me in order to get the task completed. When I am in this state of hyper focus it is like my brain is like a ferrari without brakes, where my mind is racing between thoughts, but yet at the same time everything around me appears as if time is still with no noise and empty space. I enjoy it, as I am able to work at my best and also complete tasks quicker than usual. However, once I have completed the task I end up feeling drained, as I have used a lot of energy to concentrate on the specific task, so I feel mentally and physically tired and I need to rest for a while. However, when I am in this state of hyper focus, I end up blanking and ignoring people, as I have tuned out of my surroundings, so it is as if I have not heard them. To other people it can appear as if I am being rude, as it looks like I am ignoring them.

Talking about the best part is easy. To answer the question about the worst part of autism is harder. This is due to people might not find this part easy to read, but if it helps people, it is worth it. The first one is procrastination.

Procrastination

In terms of procrastination it is really hard for me, As I do this constantly. I don’t mean to do this, it is like a default setting that I always switch to. There are a number of reasons what causes this to happen. Anxiety in general is one, avoiding difficult people another; but perhaps the one that affects me the most is cognitive exertion and the tiredness associated with it.

These factors make actually settling down and starting a task the hardest part for me. When I do so, I am often distracted by non-priorities, (e.g. easier tasks). Once I get distracted, or put things off, it becomes even harder to start again. If I leave a task for time, or until I know a deadline is pending, I find that it becomes mentally harder to return.

This procrastination is called the “comfort of discomfort” paradox: one seeks a non-productive state because it is familiar and safe because of the feared consequences and stress associated with change and possible failure. This occurred during group work situations and group members became frustrated with me. This happens as I only intensely focus for a short period of time, after that I feel drained and my levels of concentration decreases, which then causes me to be distracted.

The next one is harder, this is the build up to meltdown and meltdown. A meltdown is when your senses get overloaded and you can’t cope.

Meltdown

What starts to cause this is if I am in a situation, where there are multiple stressors (Too much sound, aggression, limited personal space) I start to tense up, where my movement is different, speech and sound is stressed, constantly on alert. As this happens, it feels like every sound is flooding into my head and it feels like my head wants to explode. When this happens I try to block everything out, so that I can remain in control and I try to remove myself from the stressful situation. To do this, I shut everything out, to the point where I am blanking people, as I am stopping sound from flooding me. I explain to people politely that I need to leave as I feel overwhelmed and if I don’t do this a meltdown will happen.

If the situation, does not improve, I start to lose control, where I become irrational and impatient. This is because every sense is being overcharged and it is ready to be unleashed, like when a volcano erupts. I can feel I building up inside me, at that point I feel panicked, as I am desperately searching for an exit to get out, before I completely lose control.

When I completely lose control, it as a complete release of energy, like a volcanic eruption, where everything comes out. Whilst this is happening I am searching for the quickest way to get to a place, where I can calm down and nothing will stop me from getting there. It is like being on auto- pilot, where my body just guides me there, while my brain is rebooting from being overwhelmed. However, at this point as all emotions and rationality are shut off, whoever is in my way is considered a threat, as they are stopping me from being calm. At this point I have no sense of danger,can be extremely impulsive and I say what I think and everything comes out and nothing is held back. It feels really scary, as it is like the rational part of me is locked away and the completely impulsive side is in control. I don’t like this as I can say things which are hurtful, even though they are true. It is also that I am not in control and it really scares me, as I like to be in control, that way I can minimise risk and keep myself safe. Also when I am having a meltdown it is like I am having a mental blackout as everything is shut off inside my head, so it can reboot and recover.

When I am in my calm place, I am still shaking from what has happened, as my body is still releasing the energy from my senses being over stimulated. Whilst this is happening, I am experiencing extremely vivid flashbacks in my head from what happened whist I was having a meltdown and it is constantly on repeat. As a result of this I become really upset, as I am constantly recalling what happened and it scares me that I have lost control. Whist I am recovering from this I experience a loss of appetite due to what has happened and I also have to be by myself for a while, so that I can destress.

The last one, for the worst part about autism is self- awareness.

Self-awareness

This is the hardest one of all, as due to my intellectual capability I am able to understand all of the concepts and I am aware of everything that my body does. As a result of this, due to my level of awareness I am alert and always analysing everything, to make sure that I am safe. The advantage of this is that I can tell when something is wrong with my body, as with my senses I can feel everything, so slightest change I can feel. In addition to this, with my self — awareness I know my strengths and limitations, so when people make comments or observations, it doesn’t affect me, as I am already aware of it, so I am not surprised. The disadvantage of being self- aware is that because I understand the concepts of everything, It makes me notice how different I am to everyone. Also with my lack of emotional attachment to things, with this self-awareness I also feel that I am not connected with people, as whist I understand everything I don’t feel it, which increases the struggle of trying to empathise with people.

Whilst those things are hard, they are a part of me, so I wouldn’t have it any other way. They help build my mental resilience and are my motivation to help others. So I am thankful that I am disabled, autistic and a Linkybrain. As it gives me the motivation and drive to help make society a more accepting and understanding communtity, to make the world a better place.

Thank you for reading my blog, feel free to comment, share it and connect with me.

Twitter: @laing1992

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/daniel-laing-ba2b3247/