Wedding photography — it’s important.

Danielle Down the Aisle: Week 10/11/12

A writer writing about her wedding.

I’m getting married in a year. I’m writing weekly posts about the process.What could go wrong?

So, Danielle the Bride has been a little MIA lately.

The boyfriend got a promotion. There was celebrating to do.

Then, I got a promotion. There was work to do. And, a lot of it.

Then, you know — the Christmas baking and shopping and decorating and planning and drinking and baking and shopping and planning.

But, now that the holiday boxes are checked, I’m back to checking wedding boxes and the next big one is Find and Secure a Photographer.

In the search, I’ve discovered three categories of useless shots by wedding photographers that immediately disqualify photographers in the running to shoot on 10.15.16.

First, there’s accessory shots. As I paged through literally thousands of wedding pictures, I was shocked by the number of shots without a bride, a groom, or a cake. There are pages and pages dedicated to shots of necklaces or bracelets. Oh, and shoes. Artistically positioned pairs of white high heels. Some curled suspenders, a tube of lipstick.

My current theory is that this is Instagram-style creeping into the land of wedding snaps. After all, lots of people with an empty Saturday and pretty objects will fill their feed with that nonsense, but I cannot for the life of me figure out why I would want pictures like that from my wedding. I’ll want to remember the people I danced with, not the shoes I wore. And, to top it off, it isn’t as though I am ever, EVER going to go back and post photos like that after the wedding day (after all, Instagram sort of implies you post instantly, no?).

I wonder if I hire someone to curate my social media during the wedding weekend. Just pass off the iPhone to a professional poster.

I wonder if I could get a a job curating social media for wedding weekends.

Anyway, then there is the ridiculous and totally inappropriate use of light.

I am Princess Voldemort! You may recognize me by my distinguished lack of a nose.

I swear, I think most brides think that their wedding is their one chance to be the princess, fairy, or fairy princess they’ve always wanted to be — and wedding photographers are more than happy to make that dream come true.

It just looks a little sappy to me. Sweet. Seriously sentimental. Like tinkerbell is just outside the shot, sprinkling in fairy dust. I don’t care how magical your matrimony was, the forest wasn’t actually enchanted. And, you know, I decided to marry the groom, so I want to be able to see his face in the photos. You know, maybe.

But, the worst and wholly inexcusable, I mean, HOLY Inexcusable, wedding photographer category of shots are what I affectionately call Headless Horseman Headshots.

I’m pretty creative, but even I can’t begin to explain this one. Photographers are just chopping people’s heads off right and left. I mean, look at that picture, maybe it’s me and the boyfriend, but you can’t be sure. Maybe we’re looking lovingly into each other’s eyes, but maybe he just slapped me, or maybe we’re sneering at that annoying paparazzi, you’ll just never know. What a way to remember your special day — you weren’t looking so good, so the friendly photographer just cropped your face out. How helpful!

So, we clicked and swiped and ranked and emailed the top three. So, now we wait.

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