What If I Knew I Was Beautiful?

“You say I don’t know I’m beautiful, but what if I did?”

^This quote is from Daysha Edewi who works for Buzzfeed as one of the motion pictures staff.^ She made this two minute and thirty second video with Buzzfeed to express her thoughts into a poem about how male musicians such as One Direction and Bruno Mars have to remind us women that we are beautiful because we do not know it already. Edewi then goes to say that if we were to accept the compliment and say “I know,” then we would be considered a “bitch,” being “stuck-up,” or even better “vain.” (I have posted the video below)

There are a few questions I have that come about through this problem:

  1. Why do men feel the need to have to tell us we are beautiful acting like we do not know it already?
  2. Why do women need to be told by a man they are beautiful to believe it?

“(It) is a crushing blow to a man’s ego. When the woman (a man) loves ends up in bed with another man, something goes haywire in his mind…he cannot escape the consequences of this deep hurt.”

^(Love, Sex, And The Fragile Egos Of Men; Art Marmorstein)^

After reading this article by Marmorstein and relating it back to Edewi’s video, I have finally come to the conclusion that men tell us women things we want to hear because they are in competition with other men. I know that when my friends and I go out to the bars, we notice how all of the men keep an eye on the door to see what women are walking in and will then look at each other to see who they have to compete with. The same goes for wildlife. A male peacock will spread its wings in front of a female peacock to show how bright their feathers are which means that they are healthy to reproduce with.

Since there is competition amongst men, they then need to come up with clever ways to seduce the women they want to get. According to Mark Manson’s article “How To Attract Women,” “it’s not about learning lines or routines or dressing up in a certain way. It’s about unmasking the unique and attractive man within yourself and joyfully expressing it to the women of the world.” I believe this is great advice for men who are not used to spreading their wings and meeting different kinds of women, but I also believe that men take this advice to the next level. When I have gone out with my friends and have met different types of men, some men have approached me in a nice respectable manner while others have just “complimented” me too much. The reason I put quotations around the word complimented is because I can tell that they are desperate to get laid that night and will say just about anything to me to make me believe them. Now, that may be the kind of person they are, but they just need to learn how to show what kind of person they are in a not so desperate way.

Women go with men who make them feel a certain way.”

^(Mark Manson on How To Attract Women)^

I could not agree with this statement more and I am sure a ton of women would agree with me as well. I know that if a man makes me feel confident about myself and I am able to be myself around him he is who I want to spend more time with. Having this confidence within myself means that I have achieved feeling accepted by a man. “Acceptance means that the people with whom I live, give me a feeling of self-respect, a feeling that I am worthwhile. They are happy that I am who I am. Acceptance means that I am welcome to be myself… I do not have to be the person I am not!” (The Courage To Accept Acceptance, Peter Van Freeman) That is why I believe that women go for the men who tell them all of these wonderful things in hopes that in the end they will be their happily every after to their fairy tale. Unfortunately, meeting a man does not become a fairy tale right away for most women. The reason being that men will say all of these wonderful things to your face and drop you the next second like it is no big deal. This is where needing to be accepted by a man is a negative instead of women finding confidence within herself on her own.

“Stressors in the lives of women and girls include interpersonal victimization and violence, unrealistic media images of girls and women, discrimination and oppression, devaluation…relationship disruptions.”

^(Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Girls and Women, American Psychological Association)^

I did not think about this until now, but another reason women feel the need to be accepted by men is because how the media portrays girls. That being from the Victoria Secret fashion show that happens once a year, to half naked girls on Sports Illustrated, to how they are displayed in television shows as well as films. Women all of a sudden become insecure about themselves when these women are presented right in front of their faces during their daily activities. Due to this insecurity, women are two to three times more likely to develop an anxiety disorder than men, as well as nine times more likely to have an eating disorder. (American Psychological Association)

Referring back to Daysha Edewi’s video “What If I Knew I Was Beautiful?,” Buzzfeed wrote an article about this subject in July 2014. Towards the end of the article they ask their readers, “Why (is there) this fascination with the woman who doesn’t know she’s beautiful, the idealization of low self-esteem?” Answer: “It orients the singer as a savior… these are songs for girls who get the message that insecurity has romantic value, if only because it’s the necessary setup to the grand moment in which they find the boys who- god bless them!- finally pulls them out of it.” This can also be related to men outside of the music industry. All men want in life is be the women’s knight and shining armor, her super hero, her king.

WORKS CITED

American Psychological Association. “Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Girls and Women”. http://www.apa.org/practice/guidelines/girls-and-women.aspx. Washington, D.C. 2015.

Edewi, Daysha. “What if I Knew I was Beautiful?”. http://www.buzzfeed.com/dayshavedewi/can-a-girl-live#.dk3Zm0n8J. BuzzFeed.com. 2015.

Manson, Mark. “How to Attract Women”. http://markmanson.net/attract-women. MarkManson.net. 2015.

Marmorstein, Art. “Love, Sex, and the Fragile Egos of Men”. http://www3.northern.edu/marmorsa/lovesex.htm. Northern State University.

Rebolini, Arianna. “Let’s Stop Singing Songs About Women Who Don’t Know They’re Beautiful”. http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariannarebolini/stop-singing-songs-about-women-who-dont-know-theyre-beautifu#.nwbWGnbZ9. BuzzFeed.com. 2014.

Van Breeman, Peter. “The Courage to Accept Acceptance”. http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/courage.html.