April 28th, 2017
Driving to Branson I was so nervous. We had known eachother for a year and a month at that point and still hadn’t met yet. I put you off for so long. I was honestly nervous I would fall in love with you, which is why I put you off for so long. I was scared.
I met you at Bass Pro parking lot for the first time. You pulled up in that big black truck of yours, and my heart was beating out of my chest. I was so nervous I could hardly stand it. I remember the first moment I laid my eyes on you. Gah, I remember trying to catch my breath. You looked so beautiful. The first thing I ever noticed about you, we’re your eyes. They literally make my heart beat out of my chest.
I remember that day, it was rainy I had an umbrella. I kept dropping it and you kept calling me a clutz. I was trying not to act nervous, but I was and I know it showed. We ate at Waxy’s on the landing and we had drinks I remember you ordering me that awfully strong drink that is one of your favorites. I couldn’t stop smiling and being shy. The way you looked at me was so different from the way anyone looked at me before. I was trying so hard not to fall for you but every glance, every smile and laugh, I started to fall.
We decided to go watch a movie, after going back and forth about me not caring what we did. Honestly, I didn’t care, as long as I was with you. I noticed how safe you made me feel. Like nobody could ever hurt me if I was with you.
We decided on Beauty and the Beast, which was an excellent choice. I remember you asking me if I would watch a Disney movie with you, and I told you that I love Disney movies. Before we went in I asked you if I should bring the umbrella, and you said no, I think it’s done raining. So we walked it to the movies. You got us drinks and we went to the theater. I was so nervous, I wanted to hold your hand. We finally held hands, and my palms were so sweaty.
The movie was finally over and we went to walk outside and as soon as we started walking to the truck, it started poring down rain. I almost wished you would’ve just grabbed me and kissed me there in the rain. But we ran to the truck. I’m sure in that moment I looked like a little wet puppy dog, But you still smiled at me.
I remember going back to the hotel with you and crawling in to bed next to you. That feeling right there was the best feeling. I felt like I had it all. I was still very nervous and guarded, but I knew I wanted to be with you.
The next day we were going to go eat lunch before you had to be at work. I remember putting on my makeup in the bed and you just watching me. I’d never had anyone pay that much attention to me. You made me feel so important, which I’d never felt before. We went to eat at olive garden, and I believe that is when I truly realized how damaged I really was. I also believe it became more apparent to you how bad my anxiety was. It rained all day long, and you had to work. I laid in bed at the hotel thinking about you, wishing you were there with me. I was so smitten with you.
You got back from work and we laid in bed and watched tv. I remember us getting mad at eachother that night, and honestly I don’t remember why. It was silly. I was having a nightmare and you pulled me close and told me you were sorry. In that moment I knew you’d always make me feel as if I was safe.
The next day we we got up and around and I was putting on my makeup and noticed you watching me again. I loved it. We went to go eat breakfast before you had to be at work and I had to head home. That morning I watched you while we ate. I loved just looking at you, you made me so happy I was just so content watching you. We had to go to walmart before you went to work and i had to leave so we could get you something to cover up the hickey I left on your neck. I remember you getting so flustered over it.
I really didn’t wanna say goodbye to you. I thought my happiness could never become a reality and it finally had. I was still terrified though.
I was on my way home and contemplated with myself the whole way home about how I’d tell my family. I kept psyching myself out. I told myself that my family would disown me and backed out and gave you excuses as to why we couldn’t be together.
After a few weeks I couldn’t hide anymore. I couldn’t sacrifice my happiness no matter what was going to happen. I wanted you and I was determined to be with you.
On May 21st, 2017 at 3am I agreed to be yours and only yours.
The next day I started coming out to my family so I could truly be happy with you.
July 8th, 2017
I look back on the first time we met, and I see honestly how much you’ve impacted my life. You have changed me for the better, and for the I’ve fallen madly in love with you. I’ve never opened up to anyone like I have with you, and honestly, that in itself shows how much I truly care about you. I’ve let my guard down, and let you in my heart. I’ve let you get to know the real me, I’ve never let anyone do that. You’ve seen the raw me, and still choose to love me.
I’ve fallen in love with every aspect of you. Your strengths, weaknesses, and your flaws. I love every bit and piece of you. You mean so much to me baby girl. I wouldn’t want to conquer life with anyone but you. You are truly my rock, and my partner in crime. I love you.