Use These 9 #LifeHacks to be Super Productive and Successful Like Me, Someone You’ve Never Heard Of

Brush your teeth.

I know this sounds basic. But here’s the thing: showers take time. Showers aren’t necessary on a daily basis.

The New Media Landscape affords us the luxury of only having to look presentable from the shoulders-up. We can conduct meetings via Skype and Facetime. We can work in our pajamas. Therefore, it is imperative that we maintain healthy teeth and gums.

I’ve gone weeks without showering and all the while made tremendous strides in my professional life– simply because I maintained a shining smile.

Call your mom.

She’s the only one who still likes you.

My mom constantly reminds me that I am important and will change the world someday.

Wear the same thing every day like a cartoon character so you have to make as few choices as possible.

We both know you have a finite amount of brain power and therefore cannot be bothered to put any thought into what goes on your body. Buy five of the same shirt and five pairs of the same pants.

Not only will this reserve brain power, but others will notice your signature outfit and thus come to recognize you as an icon. Worked for Zuck, right? Ha ha.

Cut non-essential costs.

Like charitable donations and pets. Ignore the homeless guy on the corner. Do not get a dog. If you have a dog, get rid of it. Think about how much vet bills cost. And don’t even get me started on food.

I had a non-essential cost once. His name was Rover. One day I ran the numbers and his ROI was simply too low to justify keeping him, so off to the pound he went. Now budgeting is much easier.

Only pay attention to things in the media that will benefit you.

Do not read anything about inequality, natural disasters, and ESPECIALLY social justice. These topics, and the people who talk about them, will only bring you down.

The exception to this rule is if any of these issues are pertinent to your business. Ordinary people simply have compassion. Extraordinary people capitalize on it. Otherwise, ignore the poors.

Speak in metaphors.

It makes you sound smarter, and people will respect you.

Try to think of something #quotable every day to advance your personal brand.

Tweet it with an appropriate hash tag. Search the hash tag using Twitter’s search function and “Favorite” the tweets of people who are using said hash tag. Who knows? They may see that you “Favorited” their Tweet and decide to give you a Follow!

Unplug before bed.

I know it’s hard, but you have to remove that stick from your ass in order to get the most restful night’s sleep possible.

I sometimes still struggle with this. But I find comfort in the fact that I can shove it back in before I brush my teeth in the morning.

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Thanks for reading!