AeronautIques
Sep 8, 2018 · 3 min read

Stop:

I went for a walk today.

Sat on a stump of a tree that has probably been there since before I was born.

I was listening to music and soaking in the sun, thinking about life and lifes ways.

Relevance

I picked one small piece of wood off the tree stump and an army of ants erupted from this tiny hole in the tree. Curiousity overcame me so I removed a little more - and sure enough that entire stump was a home to all of these ants that were now going wild.

Then, I realized they were in defense mode. They were scared. I had, in one split second, uplifted their lives - the roof over there head, destroyed all of the hard work they had put into their home to thrive - I did all of this without even thinking about it.

Express

I have done this alot to people in my past and present - caused them chaos, destruction, put them in horrible positions when scrambling to save themselves was all they had left. Yes, comparing my actions to those of ants seems some what piculiar - even to myself - but as I watched them run around, it reminded me of myself - and how much time I have spent running around trying to hide all of my problems, trying to find who I am or who I should be - Trying to figure out when the roof I had over my head suddenly was not enough - and why I chose to uproot myself from such a loving home at such a young age and leaving nothing but a wreckage behind.

Realisation

These answers will most likely never come. That is something I will have to deal with in the present because the past no longer exists only its implications do.

Maybe it is because of where I am right now that I feel so guilty for ruining an ant's home.

When I was younger, really young, my brother used to step on ant hills or pour water into them. He would watch.

I always used to say, "What would you do if someone just came and destroyed your home? Ripped off the roof of your house? Took everything away from you that you worked so hard to do?" -

He would respond, "They're just ants".

Truth

But I am just me

and look at all I have done.

Chapter One.

She stood at the edge of a wooden plank on a boat she was told had already sank. She had no need or thoughts to worry, as to why she could not swim. The morning sun walked in with her but on that ledge she saw the depth of the damage coming below.

Welcome to the end of a new beginning and one ironic undertoe.

I was never sure of anything until I met the craziest version of myself. If I saw me then I would not recognize me now.

I was stronger than when my family had first started visiting. I had become accustomed to the hospital food, the tossing and turning during my night terrors and the rather uncontrollable desire to keep looking out my window. It sat to my left. Perfect as a window could be. I wanted to jump out of it.

This time, i was not tinkerbell. I did not want answers. I wanted absolute freedom. I was stuck inside myself. My mind was not at peace with my past decisions in which road was less travelled.

I had found the girl that once got lost walking down Marshal Street.

Then came my 519 and 226 and 35 until 28. I never missed home more until I was sitting between it. He said no, they had stipulations.

Never in her right mind did she think she would realize the mistakes she had taken had finally become the 39th reason why - home is only worth four letters if you do not have love.

Cold Feels

AeronautIques

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