Searching For Ice Cream

It got me thinking; my boss generously offered to come back with food from his lunch for us, an Apple Crostata topped with ice cream, once I saw the picture of the item my mouth started watering, the ice cream mysteriously went missing in the transit form the restaurant to my mouth, not even sure what that name means. It just looks like a small single serve apple pie with caramel drizzled on top; that’s how they got me, the caramel. Its his way of saying thanks for all the hard work the department has been doing on several big projects. I hesitated a little, I have always disliked when people offered me things regardless of what the thing is. Same goes with me asking people for stuff such as directions despite how frustrated I may have been over not finding that donut shop. I have always been a bit shy; part of me actively avoids people in certain situations such as going grocery shopping; I’m not a fan of large groups plus I get annoyed with people because they always seem to get in my way. I know that makes me sound like a dick but I just want to get in and get out and don’t want to spend anymore time then I have to. I don’t go out to clubs and rarely do I visit bars, even when I do I keep to myself, Yes I’m that guy that brings a book to drink whiskey while everyone else is watching some sort of sports game screaming their heads off spilling beer all over the place. I’m that weird guy at work people don’t associate with much unless absolutely needed. This might be due to the fact that I don’t pick up on social cues that easily and so in a business environment where words are power I lack, words have never been my forte. In most conversations I feel like an outsider; a lot of times I’m thinking of 40 other things which result me in becoming statue, this tends to freak people a bit. I do like my space, my alone time, I like being home on a a Friday night playing video games instead of being out on the town , however as a human being I do crave that social experience, to talk with people, to communicate ideas, jokes, feelings.

Being out on your own with your own place and bills a city you hardly know, besides where the Starbucks down the street or your favorite book store, its harder to become friends with anyone. I heard you can meet some great people at Parties, they scare me, why are there so many people standing so close to one another? How do they breath? When I get stuck in one of these sardine gatherings I end up seeking a quiet place away from all the commotion. The funny thing is, I’ll go to conventions all the time where thousands of people gather under one roof to celebrate all things geeky, truly it is lots of fun to attend. I really enjoy seeing all the guests and all the awesome cosplays. I never use to go to these things mainly because the thought of getting stuck in a sea of sweaty nerds sounded horrible. I’ll gladly go , however I’m going to hold my breath as I swim through the crowd and every so often I’ll come up for air. Going to these conventions I have met many great people, I started attending primarily because I had an interest in the subjects that were being present, it then turn into a way of slowly coming out of my shell. Slowing figuring out how to talk with people.

I know there are people out there like me, that understand. I’ve met a few, it’s like we’re part of a secrecy club, the outsiders the people that don’t follow the flow of what is “normal” that don’t fit in with the rest of the crowd.

I’m not there yet, I haven’t blossomed into a social butterfly and I may never however, I’m learning how to navigate these rough waters.

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