Bull in a China Shop

Sweet pic from Google images. www.extraordinarylivingbydrscotty.blogspot.com

“You’re like a bull in a china shop!”

If you’re a Guy of Girth, a Brother of Bulk, you’ve heard those words almost as many times as you’ve said, “I’m hungry.” Okay, that’s outlandish. Nevermind. But it’s true — if you’re a man of any size, you’ve been told this little joke since you were a small boy … scratch that … since you were a young boy.

I’ve never experienced a bull running through a china shop, but I can picture it just fine. Do we Big Guys really look this bad? Are we truly that uncoordinated? Do we have that much disregard for our surroundings? My vote is No. No, a bull in a china shop is not a good description of us. A lumbering animal crashing and tearing up everything isn’t us. Not even close.

I contend that it’s really not our fault. You see, it’s the china shop’s fault. It’s the people around us and the surroundings they lay out for us. This phrase comes into account in three distinct scenarios that I believe are easily explained.

1. Knocking Over Delicate/Breakable Things: If there’s one thing my Mom learned during my childhood, it was that with three boys in the house, there’s no need for breakable items, unless you want them broken. I’d argue that our distinct ability to break things is clearly a correlation with item placement. Have you ever noticed these items are usually crammed close together, requiring fine motor skills (i.e. no sausage fingers)? Or, that many of these things are at shoulder level? What would you expect to happen if you asked an aircraft carrier to turn on a dime? Carnage, that’s what.
2. Loud or Gregarious Happenings: Most times, the Guy of Girth is the center of attention. Sure, he’s the best looking, most charming and wittiest in the general vicinity, but there’s plenty of other things he’s got going for him that bring the eyes on him. Permanent sweat stains, smells like a mixture of bark and dandelions (I can’t explain this, but one step outside and we Big Guys turn into a sponge for odd outdoors scents), and of course the ever present loud voice and facial hair (and yes, we use it to hide our double-chin, but that’s for another day). So, you see, it’s not that we’re super loud and obnoxious, it’s just that we can’t help but have the eyes on us … especially from the ladies, but we all know that.
3. Knocking People Down: For as big as we are, it amazes me how many people run into us. We’re not exactly the type that disappear when we turn sideways. Typically, people are daydreaming, playing on their phones or looking at something shiny, when they bounce off of us and go sprawling to the floor into a heap of malnourished arms and twisted ankles. They look at us like we were some sort of ninja who jumped out a cloud of smoke to give them a 90's chest bump. We, of course, get blamed for their misfortune as we should be more careful how we carry ourselves in public. Last I checked, semi trucks are allowed wide turns.

So, you see, this phrase isn't really our fault. It’s not the bull’s fault, either. It’s the china shop’s fault. How dare they sell nice things where big guys might be. I never did trust china shops — if you don’t have a compulsive shopping area full of Little Debbie’s well, then, you don’t deserve my money.