the [A→B] LIFE (demos) & Other Tales
Introduction…
So…I have no idea where to begin this post? However, the time and season feel very fitting. Please note, this is a simple story from one person’s perspective that is first and foremost composed to honor and bless the individuals who make/made up the band mewithoutYou. Each member’s contribution to music cannot be understated in many lives, including my own. Secondly, it’s for the many rabid fans of mewithoutYou. I am a music fan. I care about this type of stuff; this is for those likeminded music fans of mewithoutYou. A little gift of history if you will at the end of a very important chapter (possibly the last) in the bands existence. Please note, it’s been 20+ years since we recorded these demos. Because of time, my memory is admittedly foggy in some areas; some things, however, I remember like they happened yesterday. Nevertheless, I will do my very best to honor the story as I remember it. A few things to keep in mind:
- A Puzzle within a Puzzle: After listening to the demos for hours, I think a good way to describe them in the timeline of those early years is that ‘the [A→B] LIFE (demos)’ are — if you can imagine — like a puzzle in a box. You dump out the pieces onto a table and the pieces are just…everywhere. So you begin to put the puzzle together, but not without first turning each and every piece over, making them right side up, while simultaneously putting together any random pieces together you find in the process. That is what the ‘[A→B] LIFE (demos)’ are. They were used to prepare the band for the actual recording of ‘[A→B] LIFE’ and to help us align how we wanted the songs to transition together to make an actual album. With that being said, we succeeded and then some.
- These are Demos; Lest We Forget: Keep that in mind if you choose to listen to them. I did my very best to stay true to the demo. No additional tracks have been added to the original recordings. I left most songs untouched with the exception of adding basic EQ, compression, automation, etc. At times that meant leaving botched punches, stick clicks in breaks, etc. I really had to fight the urge to go ballistic and doctor these up. But I found there was something so special about just leaving them as is; thus, I did just that. Again, it just felt right.
Recording and Mixing: Then…
The demos were recorded on a TASCAM Portastudio 488 MKII (same style unit Bruce Springsteen recorded ‘Nebraska’ on I might note). Literally ProTools was in its infancy and I only knew one person personally who had it (we’ll get to that person more later). As we began the process, original mewithoutYou member Ray Taddeo — who is a cherished old friend — very graciously helped record the drums on an AKAI DPS12 in the basement of Rick’s father’s barber shop, otherwise known as ‘Rick’s Place.’ We bounced down all the drums to a single track on the TASCAM for overdubs. Yes, a single track. I have no idea what we were thinking, and why we didn’t leave them in stereo, but…that’s what we did. We borrowed the TASCAM from my dear brother Jimmy (he also let me borrow his priceless ’77 Rickenbacker 4001 which I actually risked touring with in the early days. YIKES! Thank you, brother). We then began doing overdubs in my parents basement in Norristown. We began overdubbing guitars using our actual amps: Mike’s Marshall JCM 900, Chris’s vintage Fender Bassman, and my ’73 Orange OR 120. We had one microphone, which was an AKG C1000. Recording guitars using actual amps, proved to be very time consuming, and we didn’t have that time. We needed to get the demos to J. Robbins very quickly to begin recording at Inner Ear Studios which was only a few weeks away. Thus, we almost immediately pivoted and recorded the majority of guitar tracks using Chris’s Tech 21 Sams Amp GT2.
Most of the guitars were recorded in a couple days in between practice days. But something happened. I have no idea what? I remember we really waited til the last minute to finish recording the vocals, bass, and keys, and we were down to the final hours in the end. We began recording the vocals at my parents house, but the hour got too late. So, we piled into Mike’s gold Honda Accord and went and finished them in essentially a closet at Valley Forge University/Christian College. Derek Turnbaugh of the Operation fortunately scored us the space as he was attending school there at the time. We recorded vocals into the early morning hours; Chris slept on the floor, while Mike and Aaron took turns recording vocals, as I punched them in and out. We didn’t have any outboard gear, so we used what we had: a Boss C3 for compression, a Boss DD3 for reverb/delay, and a ProCo Rat for any dirty vocals; all of which we literally took off my pedal board. It was that primitive, but there was so much ambition. Many of the demos couldn’t be adjusted during mixing for this reason. We had to commit to a specific sound. But…there’s something in that.
We finished recording vocals as the sun just began to rise. Mike then drove me home, and I had to record all my bass tracks, keys, a couple guitar tracks on ‘Silencer,’ and basically improvised the vocals on the ‘Interlude (A/B)’ and ‘Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt.’ I remember finishing recording at roughly 8AM, hoping to get some sleep as I had been up for a couple days. But then my phone rang. It was my friend Dan Pizza. He had generously offered to help me mix the demos on his DigiDesign 001, but he too was strapped for time that day. In any event, we had to mail the demos that afternoon to J. Robbins so we had to finish mixes immediately.
Although exhausted, I was super excited to get the mixes done. In my mind they would sound good. They had to sound good, right? Not exactly.
I drove into downtown Norristown to mix the demos at Dan Pizza’s apartment which would later become my apartment. I remember having this vision when recording the demos that I would be able to transfer each track out and mix them in ProTools. The ability to do that would make the tons of overdubs and edits easy to fix. Right? That was a mistake. You have to keep in mind, this was the year 2001. The ability to transfer 8-tracks out from an analog device into digital was not available yet for home studios and would not be so for several years to come. In fact, the TASCAM unbeknownst to me didn’t even have eight outputs. Thus, I had to mix the entire demo down LIVE, via stereo outs, on the fly, and in one pass. Now…if you know anything about recording you know how difficult of a task this is. It’s frankly impossible. I had just finished recording my parts only minutes before; I barely knew what instruments were on what track. Thus, mixing the original demo in 2001 was a disaster. A disaster! But Dan Pizza made it into something usable, that’s for sure. We finished mixing in the early afternoon, Dan gave me two copies, I mailed one to J. Robbins, and immediately crashed in bed.
If my memory serves me correctly, ‘Gentlemen’ and ‘Silencer’ were decent. Maybe there was one more that sounded okay. The rest was completely lambasted. Again, EQ-ing on the fly while mixing down on the fly is impossible. Still, the demo served its purpose: to provide us something to muse over for the actual recording of [A →B] LIFE. It also provided the blueprint of the transitions between tracks which was massively provided by the contributions of Dan Pizza. On the demo and subsequently the actual final release of [A →B] LIFE, the transitions between tracks were orchestrated by Dan Pizza. That’s a fact. His contribution was significant in that way. As aforementioned, only two copies of the original demo ever existed. One copy was immediately mailed to J. Robbins, the other — I believe — was lost somewhere inside Rickie’s parents house or in the band’s van. Nevertheless, it was lost for over 20+ years.
Recording and Mixing: Now…
In December 2020, I decided to take a stab at mixing down the demos again. I knew two people who still had a TASCAM Portastudio: my brother and my dear friend Mike Fondi. Both machines were completely broken. However, Fondi generously agreed to let me borrow his and get it repaired. Still, I had no idea who could repair these things? Nevertheless— yet again — as fate would have it, I made one call…one…to my friend Jason Shaffer, owner and engineer of Pagoda City Records. I asked him if he possibly knew of anyone who repairs tape machines to which he immediately replied, “Yes, I actually do. My father used to work for Fostex.” I almost fell out of my damn chair.
Over the next few months, Jason and his father would resurrect a TASCAM Portastudio, and in May 2021 I pushed play on the [A →B] LIFE demo, master cassettes for the first time in 20+years. It was an incredible moment.
But something was missing? Which leads me to the second reason for the delay.
Another reason why I never really went gang busters to get these mixed is because for decades I couldn’t find one of the master cassettes. It’s important to note, the version you hear of the acoustic version of “I Never Said I Was Brave” was actually taken directly off the TASCAM and mixed down on Inner Ear’s console. I recorded it on a separate cassette on the weekend we had off between recording and mixing the actual album of [A →B] LIFE. Again, I had limited equipment, I used a Crate CA-1P Acoustic Guitar Preamp for guitars and vocals on nearly every track so that I could get some reverb. In addition, I didn’t have a tuner. So…I recorded my guitar at the beginning of the track using it as a reference point to make sure my guitar remained in tune. I mixed the song down, showed it to the band right before we drove back down to D.C., and to my surprise they wanted it on the album. But, I didn’t have the TASCAM with me, but again, as fate would have it J. Robbins just happened to have a TASCAM Portastudio which he used during his Jawbox days, which we then used to transfer the demo of the acoustic version of “I Never Said I Was Brave” over to 2" tape as well as some the sounds found on the interlude, also known as tracks ‘A’ and ‘B.’ Although the acoustic version of “I Never Said I Was Brave” is not a true mewithoutYou song per se, it was a part of the demo story, and I didn’t want to venture into putting the demos back together without it. That tape was lost for decades. And then — yet again — as fate would have it, around the same time I got the TASCAM back from repairs, I literally had a dream and heard a voice say, “Look for the same tape.” I had no idea what that meant, but I decided to look. I opened an old, VANS shoebox of demos, found at random an unmarked tape identical to the TDK 110 cassettes we used for the other demos, I put it into the TASCAM, pushed play, and there it was…perfectly preserved after all these years, the acoustic version of “I Never Said I Was Brave.” Completely and perfectly intact. I literally couldn’t believe it. I must have searched dozens of times over the years for it and had accepted long ago it was lost forever. It wasn’t. God is good.
I started trying to transfer the tracks into LOGIC using my 2 channel SSL (thank YOU SSL for extending my licenses as well), but lining the individual tracks back up in LOGIC proved to be a daunting task. I contacted Mike Bardzik of Noisy Little Critter Studios who actually recorded the original mewithoutYou “I Never Said I Was Brave” EP to ask him for some tips to which he replied, “What you are trying to do is unfortunately impossible. Each time you push play the tape head is extended differently thus unless you drop like $10K on software, it can’t be done. How about we transfer them in my studio?” His offer I immediately accepted. Transferring the tracks over was no small feet. Again, there are only two outputs in theory. However, there is a hack I found. This is how we had to transfer the tracks over from the Portastudio. It was like Frankenstein’s lab, but Mike truly pulled it off.
Sadly, after weeks of trying to mix those tracks down, I found the gain structure was far too low. Subsequently, I took the TASCAM over to Pagoda City Records to have the tracks transferred one last time. There, Jason Shaffer — once again — saved the day. And the [A →B] LIFE (demos) were given a second life.
What You’ll Hear
Here’s a quick run down of some things in the tracks that jumped out to me. I absolutely loved hearing the vocal comps and the background noises. The whispering of queues to one another, etc. A lot of nostalgia to say the least:
- Bullet to Binary: This track is still a barn burner. Again, no outboard reverb or delay thus we committed delay on the vocals directly to tape. Also, we punched in the drums half-way through at one point. Hmm… Why we didn’t just rerecord this short track baffles my mind.
- Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt: There is no way I could have mixed that song down on the fly. Multiple instruments on the same tracks; thus, I am certain the original demo of this song must have sounded absolutely awful. The vocals you hear were recorded at like 6am and completely off the cuff.
- Gentlemen: I’m still convinced if this song was our first single we’d all be retired living in Bora Bora. Even the demo of this song is outrageous. I always wanted Mike’s pitch-shifting guitar swell to sound like a siren. In a way communicating to the listener, “mewithoutYou just entered the building.”
- Interlude 1 and 2: Originally there was going to be two “interludes.” We decided in the end to just use two different mixes of the first interlude; a choice that I think was wise. Mike and I called the second interlude our ‘Swamp Song.’ The ‘Swamp Song’ was a track on Oasis’ ‘What’s the Story Morning Glory’ that Oasis used to open with during that album’s tour. Interlude A and B was heavily influenced by the Doves album “Lost Souls,” specifically the tracks ‘Firesuite’ and ‘Rise.” That Dove’s album is still amazing and I highly recommend you give it a listen.
- I Never Said I Was Brave: We never re-recorded this track. We felt the EP version was sufficient and hence the reason for its absence on the demo.
- Furnace Fest: The working title for “Be Still, Child.” This track is another ripper. Mike’s guitar solo is as rockin’ roll as it gets. Geesh…it could peel the paint off a wall.
- Silencer: This is the first track that the band and I wrote together after I joined. It was a turning point for the band as well. I think Rickie, and I naturally immediately went into the drum and bass on ‘A’ and ‘B’ after the band wrote ‘Silencer’ during the same rehearsal. There was a lot of chemistry in those early days. I recorded the eBow-siren-guitar on the demo at like 7am after my parents left for work. It was outrageously loud.
- Slow and Sl#tty: The working title for what is known as “the Cure for Pain.” This song is still excellent in my humble opinion. In addition, I totally forgot that the outro was supposed to sound like the outro of Oasis’ ‘Slide Away.’ I don’t think that translated to the final album version; however, when I first threw up the tracks on the demo, I immediately remembered that was the outros intention. It’s beautiful, and a testament to Mike’s guitar playing. This was the second to last song I mixed for these demos, and when I heard the last line of the song, I felt a twinge in my heart as my eyes swelled up. The last line of ‘Cure for Pain’ is still the guiding light in which I still live my life 20+ years after the first recording of this demo. Hearing “Jesus have mercy on us” again on the demo was a stark reminder of my very own immense fallibility.
- I Never Said I Was Brave (acoustic): The outro had additional vocal tracks. It was meant to sound like the outro vocals of ‘Lucky Man’ on the Verve’s ‘Urban Hymns.’ I added those tracks back to the demo.
Fare the Well
As aforementioned in the introduction of this post, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the band members and how amazing each and everyone of them are. I am blessed, and…I am deeply humbled and honored to have played a small part to a much greater story…providing a small piece to a much larger puzzle.
Aaron: Aaron is a true artist in every sense of the word. However, in my humble opinion his work ethic far exceeds his artistic talent. Listen to “[A →B LIFE]” and then go listen to “Untitled.” The growth in his skill as an artist is simply staggering. I remember meeting Aaron outside of Sound Under Studios in Upper Darby in like 1998 after Mike and I had just finished up band practice. That band was called, “Gentlemen😉.” Aaron had bleached hair, a pair of ripped up jeans, and a pair of white Chuck Taylors on that were scribbled all over. I didn’t know if he even played an instrument, but I knew I wanted to be in a band with him. For those of you who don’t know, Aaron and I share the same birthday on the same year: January 21, 1979. He is a dear friend and I am proud to know him as he is one of the kindest, gracious, caring, and gentlest people I have ever met in my life. Aaron is simply beautiful.
Chris: Kleinberg is as handsome and as smart as they come, period. When we were in college at West Chester University, broseph could have easily been a Calvin Klein model. The band asked me to join the band while we all ate Chinese food at Mike and Aaron’s house. It’s important to note, I never played bass before I joined mewithoutYou. I was a guitar player, and as a bass player I had a lot to learn. I remember saying, “I don’t want to be the weak link in this band, so you should know I’m going to give this 1000%.” To which Chris replied, “Don’t worry, I’m the weakest link.” Everyone had a good laugh, but in hindsight that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Much of the atmospheric soundscapes that made up the mewithoutYou’s sound on the early records (especially on ‘Catch for Us the Foxes) were provided by Chris. He is a very tasteful guitar player to say the least and a true gentlemen in every way.
Rickie: Rickie’s drumming needs no introduction. Rickie was like 18 when the band started. Let that sink in. Dude was a beast then, and he’s a beast now. In my humble opinion, he is up there with the great rock drummers: John Bonham, Dave Grohl, Ginger Baker, Keith Moon, and Rickie Mazzotta. That isn’t flattery nor is it subjective; that’s a fact. I always said, ‘he made bass playing easy’ as his drumming was so rhythmic and infectious. The drums and bass on ‘Catch for Us the Foxes’ is some of the proudest work of my life and Rickie is what laid the foundation for the bass parts that I contributed. He truly is an amazing drummer and the core of mewithoutYou.
Mike: Much like Rickie, in my humble opinion, Mike is up there with the greats. But greats that are lesser known to the mainstream. Mike is an absolutely…amazing…guitar player. He dedicated his life to learning and playing the guitar and we’re all blessed because of that. His skills rival Ian MacKaye, Guy Picciotto, Graham Coxon, Bernard Butler, and Nick McCabe. He is truly a riff master, and he is the engine that catapulted mewithoutYou to its zenith and kept it going for so long. If you run into him during these last shows be sure to thank him; he deserves it. It was an honor to play with him for so long, and I am simply grateful. I met Mike at the YWCA in West Chester when I just finished high school. His band “I Hate You” was playing. We met and I found out that Mike skated, loved Brit-Pop, Fugazi, and playing music. Because of this, he was immediately someone I loved dearly and love more with each passing year. Again, Mike is the driving force of mewithoutYou and much like his brother, a beautiful person.
mewithoutYou truly blessed my life and I am certain they blessed countless others. Again my contribution was in the early 3.5 to 4 years and the current lineup has taken it so far beyond those early days. I am just thankful to be a part of those formative years. There are so many faces that come to mind as I write this post who supported the band in those early years: Josh Bender, Brian Baughan, Mr. and Mrs. Mazzotta, Sarah, Nikki, the Kleinberg’s, Jack Kelley, Matt Magarahan, Bitsy and Elliot, Sean Bruton, Chrissy-Katie-Brenda, George Milice, John D, the Mungeon’s, the Newett’s, Jamie Clark…the list goes on and on. Please note, Mike, Aaron, Rickie, Chris, Greg, and I — in some capacity — have known each other for over 20+ years, and I can say this with authority that they are sincere talents. Their talents extend way beyond the realm of mewithoutYou, and I am excited (as YOU should be too) to see what God‘s distinct purpose is in their individual lives as father’s, husbands, brothers, musicians, artists, and neighbors, and how those roles continue to unveil themselves in this next season. Brandon, Rickie, Mike, Greg, Almquist, and Aaron, like in the last scene at the end of “Big Fish,” know that EVERYONE is cheering you on as you venture forth into this next season of life. Adeiu! Many blessings, you are deeply loved. Numbers 6:24–26
