The War Against Fish

Let’s take a moment to talk about squid, octopuses, and fish. As most people should hopefully know, the Ocean is filled with Fish. Common sense, right? Fish were so prodigious back in the old days, they basically got everywhere they could. From the Ocean, to the seas, right on down to the lakes and streams. And while it’s true that at the time some fish were instrumental in the assimilation and environmental domination of local crustaceans, cephalopods, and mollusks, it is hardly fair to characterize the process as “colonial genocide.” But just this week, Herring Clinton made a speech to the Association of Oceanographic Integration, saying that she wished to apologize “on behalf of all fish to the maligned and too-often-ignored voices of the octopuses and yes, SQUIDS, of the Ocean.”

There’s a lot of ground to cover , so let’s dive in. First of all, the Ocean is already integrated with all kinds of Ocean and Sea life, so this organization Herring Clinton is speaking to is already redundant. In fact, it’s insulting. But will fish get an apology for that? Fish have been making strides toward opening their Ocean even more for all kinds of Sea creatures, whether we want to or not. And of course, if a fish wanted to, say, migrate to a fresh water lake, what do the clams say? Fresh water for freshwater creatures, salt water for EVERYONE.

And why specifically octopuses and not all marine life? Obviously this is to pander to those in the inflammatory #CephalopodLivesMatter wing of the liberal fish schools and Gulfstream Media, which has lately become more vocal than anyone on the Left could have anticipated. Let’s face it, to characters like Bill Marlin and Raychel Maddow, #CephalopodLivesMatter is nothing more but chum for their audiences, who will be all too eager to get their share of self-hate. It’s as if the Liberals actually believe if they flagellate themselves just enough, we’ll all stop hearing this noise from octopuses. Sorry, Cepholopod-Atlanteans.

The truth is, octopuses will never be happy. Everyone can agree that the historic subjugation of the octopuses was unacceptable, but between camouflage, tentacles, and Seavil Rights, haven’t the scales been balanced? Aren’t the octopuses happy? Well no, of course not. The Gulfstream Media loves a victim and octopuses are just happy to take the bait. Which leads me to Squids.

Everyone knows there no such thing as Squids. Squids are just Octopuses with an undiagnosed mental disorder. These octopuses like to pretend to be something they’re not because they want attention, and boy did they get it. #CephalopodLivesMatter is really just the tip of the iceberg. After homo-pescatarian “marriages” were made legal by the Seapreme Court, it’s really only a matter of time before a “Squid” will start dating your little starfish. And we’re supposed to just accept it. Again, seas for the sea creatures, tidepools for the crustaceans, and the ocean for everyone.

There is a campaign being waged against fishes. Wake up, seaple.