31 Days of Happiness: 3rd Week Report

I am starting to feel again. This feeling, is it happiness, it must be because I am smiling more. This feeling is strange and overwhelming sometimes. I notice I am becoming more outgoing and leaving my shell (home). Like for instance last week I joined a D&D game and I had so much fun that they invited me back to finish the campaign. I forgot how this feeling feels. Am I happy yet? No I can’t be, its too soon. What is this feeling?

3 weeks down and only 1 more to go. The world doesn't seem as dark anymore. I am almost out of my hole and the light is bright. What got me into a hole was my depression. I stopped caring about myself and others around me. I couldn’t deal with my fathers death, but here I am now writing about it and not even shedding a tear. I used to wallow in my tears and think about my dad and the good times we had. Now I think about my dad and enjoy the good times we had. This weekend I accomplished a lot. I have been putting off several chores that I need to do. I woke up Saturday at 5AM and started my chores. I have been doing this for the entire month now and my list of chores is shrinking. At 5AM I was cutting the trees in my backyard. Then I mowed the lawn and swept the front yard to make it look nice. I enjoy yard work because it reminds me when my dad and I would do yard work together. I think to myself — I hope someday I can do yard work with my son. Getting up at 5AM everyday this entire month has taught me discipline which is something I lack. Its a good exercise for me because I am up before everyone else and get to working.

I find myself working more on my app and getting better at coding. I don’t struggle as much as I used to when I just started coding. I went from liking it to loving it. I code everyday now. I am making my app more functional and better every time I work on it. The best part is I am almost done with it. I am almost ready to launch it on the app store. This will be my 2nd app on the app store. That means I am one step closer to reaching my goal and becoming a iOS Developer. The 3rd week I spent most of my time looking for cafes in the Los Angeles area to beta test my app. So far only 1 signed up. At first I was confused and angry as to why I didn’t get more sign ups. Then I realized this is what every start up has to go thru and I am experiencing it too. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Well only one week left and I can’t wait to tell my friends about it. This entire month I kept myself away from my friends. I stayed away because I needed to fix me. I want to show them a new me. A person filled with life once again.

So far this month has been a blast and I enjoyed documenting it. I need to do this more often. I think I will continue my sobriety and see where it takes me.

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. — Norman Cousins