Grand Canyon August 2003

A Farewell Note to my Father

Daniel Stahl
Aug 25, 2017 · 4 min read

Farewell 2016 I knew thee well. Excuse me I don’t want to come off rude, but I thought you wen’t going to change. I thought you were going to be the same as 2015 or 2014. Turned out I was wrong. 2016 you changed. You changed so much I don’t even know who you are anymore. You started off great. What happened?

I can tell you exactly what happened.

I was on my way to establishing a new career. A career that would have taken me into the depths of the start up realm. I worked hard on my code. Learned new methods of coding, new shortcuts, and new languages. Nothing could prepare me for what was about to happen to me.

My father passed away October 29, 2016. His name was Lawrence Richard Stahl, Larry for short. Born December 18, 1949 in San Fernando Valley, CA. Fought in Vietnam from May 1966 to June 1968. He was assigned to the 6th Battalion 27th Field Artillery or better known as the “Cannon Kings”.

My father visiting the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall in Washington D.C. for the first time in his life. 6/8/2015

My father passed before he could see my wedding. I really miss him. I was there at his dying bed. Holding his hand and giving him the invitation. I will always remember the words that he said when he saw the invitation. “Whats this? This is for me?” Then falls back to sleep. I remember I couldn’t even breath when he saw the invitation and said that to me. I bursted into tears knowing that I wouldn’t see him there. I felt so sad because I really thought he could turn his life around and I would be there to help him in his recovery. It was too late. The damage was done. The vile toxins in his organs were making him weaker.

I’m not sure if i’m over this grief. Not sure if I ever will. It still lingers in my head every now and then. So I decided to write this post in hopes it would help me relieve my grief. I want to say farewell to my father. The reason is because I didn’t say anything at his funeral. Don’t call me a coward because you have no idea how hard it was to even be there. I dreaded it! I wanted to run away. We all deal with grief in different ways. I was there proud to receive his flag. So now I want to make right and be free from this grief. I want to write a farewell to my father.


Farewell Father.

The man who raised me. The man who taught me hard work. The man who taught me how to be a man. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be the person I am today. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have a beautiful home for my family. I love you dad. You were always the person I admired. You were strong, smart, and charming. Knowing now that I listened to music you listened to back in the day. I wish we spent time listening to the Rolling Stones, The Allman Brothers Band, and other oldie rock. Instead we listened to NPR. You were a very stubborn man. But a man loved by many. A man who didn’t give a shit what others said about you. I remember the first $20 bucks I earned was working with you. 2–3 Hours of yard work on Saturday evening was the best time I had with you. Then afterwards we went to Sizzler to eat dinner. That lasted a few years until I was old enough to get a real job.

You taught me so much and gave me so much. What can I offer you in return? If only I could repay you back. I know you didn’t have much. How about a promise? A promise to keep going. A promise to never slow down. A promise to not waste time and get shit done. Because you were that type of man. A man that would get shit done. You always said “It has to get done”. Now realizing this. I think you wanted me to know everything you knew. You wanted your son to continue the values that you held. You wanted me to continue your legacy. You didn’t have much dad. Yet you gave me so much. Maybe that’s what fathers do.

Farewell father. This is not the end. I carry your name. I carry your values. I will hold true to my word. I love you. Farewell on your voyage to the great beyond. We do not know where your going, but I know you will be watching.

Washington D.C. 6/8/2015

After having this in my drafts for so long I finally came around to finishing this. My experience writing this was very positive and free. I might not be best writer, but just typing everything out was so relaxing and gave me more freedom to express how I felt. The grief is still there, but at least not so much anymore. Things I didn’t get to say I guess really bothered me. I feel better now that I reflected on this and took the time to write it.

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