Control: A Diet to Save My Life

That’s where we’re at right now. I, Dalton Lewis, author of the dozen copy-selling My Little Paradise, need to start to diet before I become diabetic and die of being, well, fucking fat. I am fat. There is no question of this. I need to stop being fat or I will face diabetes, which is terrible, and death, which is far worse. I need to figure this out. I know, I know, it’s harder to make decisions about the real world when I have this disease called schizophrenia. Don’t worry; you can’t get it from me. You can’t just contract it.

I looked up diets on WebMD. There’s lots. There’s the high-protein diet, there’s a liquid only diet, there’s the splurge on the weekends diet, and more. There are dozens of diet choices. Apparently I need a plan. I have a plan: I eat better and lose weight. That’s my plan. How am I doing it?

I am starting by cutting out movie theater food. I don’t think that movie theaters require any food any more. I often eat very fattening or sugar-filled foods. They are a bane to my miserable little existence.

The second change is to cut out the Baconators and the other fast food burgers. Fast-food grilled chicken is okay, although it probably shouldn’t be. This isn’t the strictest diet in the world, just a reasonable and smart one.

The third change is to cut out snacks unless they are healthy snacks. I think that this change is essential to my health and well-being. I don’t think that any of this will be easy. But it will help me feel better and live longer.

I will exercise when I get around to it. I know, that’s not ideal, but that’s where we’re at right now. I don’t think that I will exercise every day enough to counteract all of my bad dietary choices. I need to eat wiser to lose weight.

I could eat the cheater’s diet. That’s only chicken and fruits and vegetables and fish during the week and pizza and steak on the weekends. It’s fun built into the list and therefore something plausible. For now, though, I’ll just go my own without a plan.

I don’t need no stinking plan!

Thanks, and take care, friends.