Control: Bad Days Worse, And Friends and their projects
Do you know that life finds a way to make the bad days worse? I am in the doctor’s office. Everything sucks. The floors are brown with funny green patterns stitched in. The chairs are soft and black. Nina Agdal is on a magazine cover. It is from March.
Dr. Thompson — not his real name-is helping someone else. It is 3:21 and he is six minutes late helping me. I die inside. I think of Tori Amos and that song crucify and miss her music.
You know the story. Bad things day bad things in my brain. I yell back. I yell at voices inside my head. I can’t believe it, but I fall in the shower yelling at the voices. Also fall is changed to call by my phone. I am supposed to role play tonight with old friends. I can’t handle life right now.
I went home. I wanted food. I wanted fast food. No. My elderly mother wouldn’t stop for fast food. So? Who cares? This is a minor inconvenience in a pampered life. Still the voices persist. They tell me horrible things. They tell me that I’ve been framed and murdered…they try and fail to confuse me about what is real and what isn’t real.
What makes a bad day worse? I suppose that it has been a couple of hours and I have calmed down a little bit. I screwed up in thinking that my bad mood would last. I have a good life. I have writing and reading and people who care for me and a life in the suburbs. I have had worse problems and people have had worse lives than this. I need to focus on settling down, doing the right thing, and focusing on what is real and what isn’t real.
I need to live a decent, hardworking life. I need morals and to do the right thing. I need to not be a racist, a rapist, or a murderer. I need to value and treasure my friends and my family. I need to try to focus my life’s work into something valuable and workable and successful. I need to work hard at life and everything. I know — this is a bit of a reiteration of what was already said. Well, maybe it needs to be said again.
My friends are having a Warhammer 40k tournament. They want it to be a grand tournament with 28–32 people participating. This is a lofty goal, I think. There will be prize support and everything. I wish them luck.
Another friend is writing a novel. I think that he is typing it up on a typewriter, which is very old-fashioned and cool. He came to town a few days ago and stayed for a few days. It was good to see him.
Another friend is writing a role-playing supplement with me. We have been working on it for at least a year or so. I am proud of our work.
Another friend has a podcast — the Spinning Dice podcast. I am on the podcast sometimes under my real name.
Another friend is making a new season of his web show, Mad Mitch’s Trash Lab. I am proud of him and his success.
Another friend likes poetry and fiction and tries to write. I play him at 40k sometimes. He’s a veteran with a wife and a good life. Last I heard he was going to school. I’m proud of him.
I, Dalton Lewis, have several projects going on. I am writing a novel, Impressions of Youth in an Apocalypse. I am also writing a short story collection for the role-playing supplement and blogging almost every day.
Thanks, and take care, friends.
