Control: Communication Breakdown
Communication is a key to living a decent life. I tried to communicate with a beautiful woman who asked if I was going to Sushi Kushi San. I said I wouldn’t go because I was being self-defeating.
Why? Why am I having trouble communicating with women? Why don’t more women take a part in my life? I don’t know. I don’t know. I have trouble finishing sentences or making sense. I don’t know why.
Finnegan has a girlfriend. He convinced her to move in with him. She is great and likes him a lot. He was married, but it didn’t work out. The ex-wife lost weight and took antidepressants and couldn’t handle being with Finnegan any longer. She gets 55 percent of what he makes for the next two years, rendering Finnegan almost broke.
Simon is single. He had a long-term relationship with a girl but it didn’t work out. They lived in Chicago in a nice apartment where we would gather to role — play regularly. She was quiet and had a journal and was one of the girls who role-played with us. She was great, and the relationship should have worked out, but it didn’t. Simon moved to Florida when he lost his job and rebooted and retooled himself as a museum curator and video game designer.
Richie plays the field as he travels the world. He doesn’t have one love of his life, but he has had a number of relationships. He has lived in Central America for a few months and is considering moving back to the Middle East for a third time. He is in shape, confident, smart, and well-read.
Sal is married and doing well. He has been working a lot and has a wife about whom he seems to care a lot. He travels for work and they both have kids. He still has mental and physical health problems, but he overcomes them.
My sister is happily married. She is a fortysomething assistant who should have been given a chance to produce a movie, but no one noticed that she was experienced and talented and could do a great job.
The thing is, I do think about sex. I think about romance. I just don’t do anything about it, and I don’t know if that is sad or a good thing. I know that I have the self-control not to do anything wrong in a relationship, but I don’t know if I want to make someone date a paranoid schizophrenic.
I am depressed. I don’t know what it is, but the blog entries are harder and harder to write. I need to focus on the reality of life, but that has been discussed over and over.
I get it. I’m bad with women. I, Dalton Lewis, need a new group to hang out with that includes women. I am frustrated by my life.
Thanks, and take care, friends.
