Control: Slaanesh for Me, Day Two

Slaanesh for me, day two.

Live life to the fullest. I played a game with the sex marines and won a game of tabletop miniatures. They’re pretty good. The maulerfiends are the big mechanical creatures and they’re good at bashing people’s heads in. The heldrakes didn’t see the field, but the lascannon guys are good. They didn’t summon any daemonettes or use any sorcery because I think that sorcery isn’t necessarily the answer: it costs a lot of points for what it does.

I want to get some writing done every morning. I want to be a responsible person who does something with his life. I know that I am weak and soft and lazy, but that isn’t the real problem. No, that is the real problem. Why don’t I work harder? I haven’t written much in the last few years. I haven’t gotten enough done. I worked bagging groceries for a few years, but that fizzled out. I didn’t show up some days, and i was never there on time. I was always late — it is the nature of the medication I took that I slept a lot, and it is the nature of the illness that I wouldn’t take the meds until three or four hours before work. I know; I was irresponsible. I have trouble with responsibility.

After awhile they hid me as an employee by sending me out to the parking lot to bring in carts. They didn’t want a smelly, old thirtysomething inside bagging groceries. They didn’t want me interacting with customers if I wore my clothes for a third or fourh time, which is normal with schizophrenia. This is difficult to write about.

Slaanesh for me, day two. I want to be okay with the fact that sex exists and is a thing. I need to be okay with being imperfect and a sexual being.

I also walked out of the board game night at the bar because I felt so uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be there. It was hard to not stay, but I didn’t feel well.

Life sucks, huh?