Control: Stuck with Chaos Marines

I feel stuck with chaos marines. I sit in my room in my parents’ house, close to midnight, and the same things happen over and over. I’m stuck with them, and I need to do something intelligent with them. I’m stuck with writing blog entries, watching Starcraft 2, playing Warhammer 40k, and occasionally talking to friends. The same themes crop up over and over. Sometimes I watch movies. That’s it — that’s my life, except for eating and sleeping and fucking, and I certainly don’t do any fucking. I want for chaos marines to do well, and I don’t usually do well with them. I have found that certain armies are baller at this game, and certain armies are, well, okay. Chaos space marines seem, well, okay at best. I don’t know if I want to play with them. I know, I know. I need to stick with something and stick with it for a year or so to get better. I need a good list. I think that list is going to be awesome. I know that I need to come up with something unstoppable and powerful and tremendous. I know that I won’t come up with it. The same people will win tournaments, and the same people will get richer, and I will continue to be pretty good. That’s how I honestly feel.

I, Dalton Lewis, sit in my room. I switch armies like I switch clothes. I can’t focus on one army and one list. Every time it’s a new list. Every time it’s a new list, a new movie, a new show, or something like that. I can’t ever stick with one thing. I need to focus on a novel for two months and write it. That’s what I need to do.

Thing is, I don’t know if every army is created equal. I’m not sure if I’m equally good with them. I’m not very good with chaos space marines. It doesn’t matter how much I play — I’m better at defending than attacking, and that’s just the way it is.

I’ve played the same army for several tournaments in a row. I went 1–2 the first time, 2–1 the second time, and 2–1 the third time. I am playing better. I have a good army that I know how to use.

I know that I am a defensive, patient person who knows how to take objectives and defend them. That’s what I do well. That’s all that I do well. I don’t do anything else well — I don’t attack well, and I don’t position well.

Does this say anything about me? Yes. It says that I am a good person when given a straightforward task and told how to do it. When I feel something more than anything else, I am supposed to say it. Thing is — writing is extremely difficult, and no one cares about that more than me. I really think that one needs to work hard to succeed in life, and I want to succeed as a writer. I care about these damned chaos space marines, but I care about the space marines too — I like both sides. I don’t know how to say it, but I think that chaos is okay and marines are okay.

Why do we do this? Why is a schizophrenic mind obsessed with switching armies all the time? Why do the same damned problems come up over and over? I don’t understand.

Thanks, and take care, friends.