Control: Why Flaws Exist

We aren’t perfect. We have flaws. I haven’t showered in a couple days. I don’t always read as much as I should. It is inevitable in existence that someone lose. For every win there is a loss. For every loss there is a win. I don’t have a great body. I don’t work out enough.

My life is fading away before me. Before too many years pass I will die. Others will move on. They will rise. I will fall. The passing of the generations will happen. I don’t expect to have children; I don’t want any. I don’t expect to have a wife or a husband; I don’t want one. I live with the central reality that the life is bad. Life is a miserable existence. I don’t know why; I have an easy life. I can’t work. I work on my blog every day that I can. I work on new novels as regularly as I can.

Why aren’t we perfect? I don’t know. Why, when something is blown up, can’t it be put together again? It makes sense that one could undo an explosion… one can’t. I had a dream last night about catching sex offenders and being murdered by them. That hasn’t happened to me yet.

I need to shower and shave. I need to get ready for a long day of writing and gaming. I got my ass kicked at sc2 this morning. Nathanias was complaining, too; it seems that tvt is even faster than normal. tvt is the fastest, most broken thing in existence. I need to learn to win it.

I am ignored by one of my friends. I don’t know why. He just works and works and ignores us. I hate that…I hate that….I hate that. I wonder, if we all come back after five hundred years, if we will still be friends.

I don’t know.