Schizophrenic’s Guide: Tomorrow’s Choices

Why can’t we predict the future? I have a game of Warhammer 40k tomorrow. I bought some last-minute models to use for the tournament. The problem is that I don’t know how I am going to do. I can’t predict the future very well. The tournament might not go well, but I want to have fun. I go into it looking to have fun and do my best. I want to work hard at thinking about what is happening around me.

The blog is going well. Some of you read it regularly, and I’m glad. I have a few positives in my life. I have a nice family and some good friends. I have fought this terrible disease — schizophrenia — for fifteen years or so and resoundingly lost in any attempt to get better. The medication enables me to think and communicate with the world around me. I wish that some people could see how bad it was when I didn’t have meds. I couldn’t function. Cops became suspicious of me, and people kicked me out of multiple stores, and bosses fired me repeatedly. But it’s all good.

I’m working hard and feeling well. I have a good life. I work on my writing, my passion, even if it hasn’t paid the bills yet. I bet that everyone thinks that I will never succeed as a writer. Well, maybe I won’t ever reach # 1 on the bestseller list. I simply think that I might be able to do some interesting things and sell some copies and impress and entertain and move some people. I believe that I might succeed at this basic desire: to sustain myself doing something I really feel strongly about. There is nothing stopping me but myself and my mind. I need to overcome all of that.

I will do my best.

Thanks, and take care, friends.