How this all began..

Just over a year ago a chapter of my life came to an end which was at the time extremely hard to cope with, but looking back now came at the best time and allowed me to begin to find myself and my own happiness. As cheesy as it sounds, it is definitely 100% true and is a journey I am still on and still loving every second of.

Everybody in life has difficult moments they have to overcome and move on from, some more than others and some bigger than others but this does not make them any more/less important. Two years ago I would have said that it is these moments that make us who we are today, but in reality it is how we deal with these and how we think about them which really impacts our lives.

Looking back at my life I have had a few big things around me happen that I found difficult to cope with, these being with both friends and family. I am so lucky to be able to say that I have always been surrounded by such amazing people… I have always had the best support around me including friends, parents and siblings that would do absolutely anything to make my life as best it can be. Because of this amazing support and my personality to always try and be happy I bottled away a lot and carried on with a smile on my face.This seemed like the best idea at the time but in reality it was damaging to myself.

I met somebody that I was able to open up to about every feeling I ever had in my past… and it felt amazing to be so open finally, but after so many years of bottling things up, and other huge obstacles and worries in my life happening around this time as well, it took a huge strain on both of us.

Looking back now I put years of upset, stress, and tears onto one person, and started to rely on them to make me happy, forgetting that I should be the one to be in control of my own happiness. I began to spend days hiding away in my room waiting for the next time to see them and have that little bit of light back in my life. I pushed away friends and family and felt constantly drained and upset and took it out on so many people close to me. I stopped wanting to do stuff that used to make me laugh, and became so stuck in this bubble that eventually I lost what i thought was everything, and I guess this is where my new journey started…

I fell deeper into a hole of upset, anger, loneliness and ended up taking the biggest and scariest step in my life… seeing a doctor and counselling (Although writing and posting this blog comes in pretty close!). I was told by the doctor I had been suffering with anxiety for many years, which at the time I knew nothing about and was quite a scary thing to hear, but I agreed to see a counsellor and it was the most amazing thing I could have ever done! I had 7 sessions of talking, crying, and a bit more crying and at the end finally felt like I had admitted to myself I needed the help and felt 10000x better for it. I had such a positive outlook on life after this, (don’t get me wrong I still have some down days, but who doesn't?)… I made sure I made effort with friends and family and most importantly opened up when something little upset me or I was having a down day… I found it is better to have a 5 minute moan with my friends about a small worry and then forget about it, than let it slowly niggle at you and seem bigger than it ever really is or needs to be. I also started being interested in Buddhism, particularly the words of Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hanh, which if you ever want a life quote to motivate your day id highly recommend reading some of these yourself! (I will probably do a post about this as i am massively in love and passionate about it now!)

One that I found and loved is ‘no mud, no lotus’. A lotus flower starts under murky water and mud, and grows through it all and ends as a beautiful lotus flower. This is my favourite thing (and is now tattooed on me), as I really do believe that everybody deserves happiness in life, and that even when you have days, weeks or months of feeling down, all you need to do is find a little bit of happiness to get you started on your own journey!

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