My uncle died yesterday…

My Uncle Jackie died yesterday. He had a heart attack and was just gone. Just like that. This hurts. This hurts a lot. I recently had a dream about him, where he was happy and laughing. I woke up thinking I needed to call him sometime soon. I never got to make that call. This is the man that taught me how to drive when my Mom didn’t have the patience to teach me. He even told me when he took me out that I was fine and he would take me to my driver’s test.

I ended up failing the test (for the 3rd time!) and I cried as I walked back to the car. He had no idea why I had failed, and it was even in front of my friend and her dad (which is really embarassing when you’re an emotional 17 year old). He held me and asked what had happened and I said the proctor said I hit a cone while parallel parking. No one saw the cone I hit or had any idea I had hit it, but that was it. Fail #3. If I failed a 4th time it would mean I would have to take my permit test again.

My uncle let me drive home, saying I shouldn’t cry since he knew I could drive. He felt safe with me when I was driving and said I would get it the next time. And I did! I got my license on my 4th try. He was there when I got my terrible license photo and he was the first person I hugged when I got my license.

He also came to my wedding with one of my aunt’s (his sister) and some of my younger cousins. He saw how I was with my younger brother and said I was a good sister to him. And he called me to tell me Merry Christmas and to enjoy my first Christmas being married.

And I didn’t hear from him again. And now he’s gone. I hate the hurt I have right now. I want it gone. It’s doesn’t make sense and it feels so sudden. Too sudden.

I’ll be taking a trip up to Pennsylvania to be with my family, spend time with my Dad, and be there for the funeral. I hate funerals. I’ve hated them since my grandfather died when I was 6 and I hate them now. It’s worse when you’re not a kid and have to be strong for your other family members.

I just wish I could crawl into a ball and cry it out for a little bit. OR even play some video games and work out my frustration that way. Either way, I need to release some stress.

That’s what took my uncle away…stress. He didn’t have an outlet for it and it took him away. So I’m going to make sure I have an outlet for it from now on.

Because I don’t want to suddenly leave my family the way he did yesterday.

I love you Uncle Jackie. And I miss you terribly.