Dani Johnson
Sep 9, 2018 · 6 min read

Finally got around to responding to the article you supposedly wrote “with me in mind.”

I’ll preface this by saying your example was largely exaggerated and specific, (as in it’s unusual, and describes what less than a fraction of divorced couples experience; this is mostly because divorce law, if even half-assed implemented as written, doesn’t allow it). I will answer your question given the limited context of your scenario, even though it’ll be difficult seeing as there’s so many variables that it fails to mention. State laws, any previous agreements drafted and lawfully consented to by the couple in question, and whether either of them possess any knowledge of the law whatsoever are the biggest missing components of your equation, and without them, I’m basically destined to fail at giving a “correct” answer. I’ll respond to your very flawed hypothetical as best I can, while injecting separate answers based on if the situation were more rooted in reality.


According to the definition of “rape”, which is the act of “forcing someone to have sex against their will”, it seems that yes, this could technically be considered rape; especially since the definition doesn’t specifically say it’s a physically forceful action. Another use of the term rape is to “plunder” or “strip something of its resources.” In a round-about way, the woman in your scenario is threatening to do this to her husband should he go against her wishes.

For the sake of the argument, I will play along and throw you a bone; given these rare and very specific circumstances, the term “rape” could technically be used to describe the nature of the aforementioned “sexual encounter”, for lack of a better description.

Basically she rapes him, while threatening to rape him should he refuse to let her rape him.

Would this happen in reality? First off, there exists a term that describes your scenario; extortion is a felony in all states, and perfectly describes her actions. So unless the guy is either hopelessly naive or extremely reluctant to take the initiative (even though he’s repulsed by her very existence) and file for divorce himself, the answer is a resounding “no.” Yes, there are hopelessly naive men out there; there are also men who are reluctant to begin what is oftentimes a hellish process, especially if there are asset discrepancies between the couple. But there is NO ONE, man or woman, who is completely helpless and with no viable way out because their significant other is smarter than, therefore impervious to, the law. I guarantee you most men and women would much rather go through an arduous divorce than subject themselves to this kind of cruelty for any length of time.


“But wife makes it clear: If he is unfaithful, or if she doesn’t get sufficient sex, she’s divorcing him. She’ll take half his retirement account, and the house, and he will be paying her a lifetime of alimony.”

Your entire hypothetical is only possible given the attorneys of both parties are either wholly incapable of practicing their chosen profession, or altogether nonexistent. Also the presiding judge overseeing their case is a raging feminist experiencing monthly pains and moodiness, and oh by the way, isn’t a human. The judge is a monkey. A monkey who doesn’t know the law, if there’s even law at all within this chaotic and insubordinate alternate reality.

Assuming the above is indeed the situation in which this man is wildly unfortunate enough to find himself in, he would no doubt get the short end of the stick. The odds are completely stacked against him, and inversely are totally in the wife’s favor. He has my pity, and that of the rest of us in this reality as well.

Would this happen in reality? Hopefully this question comes across as rhetorical, but just in case, I’ll spell it out: N-O. Attorneys tend to know at bare minimum the basics of the law, (which does exist), and are also themselves existent as an integral part of the divorce process from start to finish. Monkeys do not typically hold judiciary titles, and the humans who do are not always raging feminists taking out their menstrual aggression on hapless divorcees with penises.

Now that that’s out of the way, here’s the breakdown of what would happen 98.8889% of the time should a case like this actually exist.


The Practical Approach

Once again for argument’s sake, the wife could technically file for divorce on the grounds that he was unfaithful/unsatisfactory in the sex department… BUT, only in the unlikely event that those very specific stipulations were previously agreed upon and drafted by their attorney into a lawfully binding document… A binding document that could only be legitimate if adorned with the John Hancock of the man in question. OR, the more likely scenario: They live in a state which considers “fault grounds” as viable reasoning for a divorce. Adulterous acts are commonly cited, though I’m not sure how much stock any court of law would put behind “insufficient sex.” I’m sure her lawyer would encourage her to simply cite “irreconcilable differences” instead.

Assuming that the prior is the case, this effectively makes homeboy a fucking idiot. If the latter is the case, he still has the law and an attorney who understands that law to represent him and his best interests. This means his wife cannot pick and choose which assets she wants in complete abandon of any care in the world for his needs, and be guaranteed those assets despite the unrest of the husband. By consulting with their respective attorneys, a compromise will be reached that they both equally consent to; if the man thinks this is unfair, then he shouldn’t have married a woman who either couldn’t or wouldn’t work for the entirety of their marriage. It’s common knowledge that assets are split 50/50 should a divorce occur, no matter which party worked and which didn’t. No excuses there.

The matter of alimony is also dependent upon the requirements of the state; not every state requires alimony, which makes it an inconstant aspect inserted into what is more or less a constant occurrence, in order to appeal to your own argument.

Overall, there’s nothing about this scenario that makes it any different (lawfully, at least) from the millions of divorces performed every year in the United States.

Divorce is never ideal, or pretty. I’d wager people who are fully content with the outcome of their divorce(s) are virtually nonexistent.

The Vindictive Approach

Here’s the thing. When a woman feels scorned, whether she actually was or not, her choice of weapon is overwhelmingly going to be her brain, and her targeted area in which to inflict pain is 9 times out of 10 going to be mental. In your scenario, she has managed to score higher-than-average on the petty scale. So, what the husband needs to do is realize he’s not helpless, first and foremost. While it may hurt to use it sometimes, he too has a brain. This means he’s more than capable of fighting fire with fire.

If he wants to be petty and vengeful on a level mirroring hers, all he needs to do is go to Walmart, buy a pocket-sized voice recorder, (depending on the quality they’re between $20-$50), and instigate a reasonable interaction in which he knows she’ll express these sentiments out-loud. Record that shit, take it to his lawyer, and file for divorce his damn self. The odds that the divorce goes anything like she planned are reduced to what might as well be zero. The end.

While this would be ideal, there’s no guarantee that this plan would work out. There’s too many variables, and the chance of failure may be too high for him to comfortably give it a shot.

In this case, he could choose to act like a rational and mature adult by referring to the previously mentioned step, and simply going to his lawyer, explaining his predicament, and asking what his options are.

    Dani Johnson

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    Passionate about words, music, education, gaming, and fitness. Nostalgia junkie always searching for the next high. Process Technology student.

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