This One Goes Out To The One I Love…

Lili Marsane
Sep 3, 2018 · 4 min read

I know that we don’t "flaunt" ourselves and our life together. We keep our adoration and our love intimate and mostly private, disregarding the occasion selfie that we post so that our friends and family don’t forget what we look like. While I am content with our relationship being something that doesn’t need constant validation, sometimes I feel the need to gush about how much you mean to me.

I’m not with you because I want you to put a ring on it. Anyone that expects something out of a partnership isn’t worthy of being a partner. It hurts me to think of all the people who have squandered their opportunity to know you. You are a precious gift. I don’t expect you to give me anything more than who you already are, as that is enough for me. I feel blessed to know you. Ever since that first day you and I saw each other and felt that familiar feeling of two old souls who no long have to wander through this life alone. I’m with you because I enjoy being in this life with you.

You never cease to wow me with your talents and your intelligence. I feel as if I can be myself around you with no filters and with no alterations of myself in order to fit your idea of who you want me to be. I am enough for you and you are enough for me.

It hurts me when you feel hurt, especially when it’s due to your biology and other things beyond my control. I want you to be happy and healthy every day, and I know that I can’t always take all the depression and anxiety away from you. It hurts me to think of all the fair weather friends who have pissed away any of the opportunities you gave them to be in your life. It hurts me to think of how you feel knowing that certain members of my family would rather live in their heads and create a fictionalized version of you instead of taking a brief moment to reach out and truly get to know who you are and why I love you. They have missed out on quite a rare opportunity, my dear sir.

It hurts me to know there are times that you feel that you have wasted you gift for creating beautiful things. You are a genius to your bones, and your art and sounds reflect the purity of your soul, your diverse influencex, and you love of sounds and songs. It hurts me to know that you feel that I am tired of you and our life together. I fear this too because I’ve been conditioned to feel that I’m not worthy of having great things.
You have stood by me tried and true throughout my worst times. You have made some of the most painful and trying times in my life all the more bearable, and you have never given up on me. Even when I was more than ready to give up on myself, you lifted me up and encouraged me to continue.

Almost 8 years ago, when we first began, I told you about my dreams of becoming a teacher as we walked nowhere in particular. Today, you still remind me of this dream I have held onto since I was in my early 20’s, and you remind me that any genuine dream is worth holding onto and working towards making it happen. You encourage my creativity and you insist that I haven’t lost anything that I used to have. You commend my hard work and you do not badger me when I feel like I haven’t worked hard enough. You help me with ideas for writing, you give me inspiration for art projects, and you are open to seeing and hearing the films and music that mean a lot to me, and you open your mind to things that you may not have noticed prior to our relationship.
You always ask me how my day went. When I’m too tired to cook dinner, you never give me any slack and you step up without even a grimace. You continue to support and encourage my lifestyle change with going keto and (mostly) vegetarian and you never give me grief for when I have occasionally cheated or put off a task or exercise because I need a break. You make me feel as if I’m the most beautiful woman you’ve known, even on days when I come home from work feeling like a train wreck, sweaty and covered in sand and stains caused from a day spent with preschoolers.

I don’t have the appropriate words to describe how much you mean to me. I don’t think that I ever will. I hope that my blurbs, my poems, my actions and my butchered speech will be enough. You are my dream and I still can’t believe that not only are you real, but you chose me to spend your time with.

You are and will always be my Gemini.

Lili Marsane

Written by

I wish bunnies could hug.

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