In a church confessional booth
MAN: Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
FATHER: How long has it been since your last confession?
MAN: I can’t remember.
FATHER: How have you sinned?
MAN: I almost killed a man.
FATHER: That’s very bad. Killing is a sin. Almost killing a man is a sin. Tell me about this.
MAN: We’ll, I really didn’t kill him. And I wasn’t trying to kill him. I just pushed him into a pool at a party.
FATHER: That sounds more like hijinks than a murder.
MAN: Well, the man was in a wheelchair and couldn’t use his legs.
FATHER: Didn’t I read about that in the papers?
MAN: Well, it did get a bit of attention.
FATHER: Tell me more. I realize the police were confused by the case. He said he was pushed in. But everyone at the party said his wheelchair simply rolled into the pool.
MAN: Well, the guy I pushed into the pool was the most hated guy in class. We were at a class reunion. And he was as obnoxious and bullying then as he was when we were in school. He taunted people. He was a real jerk.
FATHER: But didn’t I read that he accidentally fell into the pool?
MAN: Yes, that’s the cover story. Everyone actually applauded me for doing it. So when the cops came, everyone was happy to tell the same story. He was drunk and he fell into the pool.
FATHER: This wasn’t Butch, was it?
MAN: As a matter of fact, it was.
FATHER: I remember him. I was a young priest when he was in my class. You know he was expelled from your school. So his parents sent him to parochial school where he could learn some discipline.
MAN: I didn’t realize that.
FATHER: He was a real hell raiser, pardon my French. He was just about the worst kid I’d ever seen! He burned a building. He assaulted nuns. He desecrated communion. We had to expel him.
MAN: He was a terror.
FATHER: So now I need to figure how to help you with your confession.
MAN: Thank you, father.
FATHER: You know, murdering a man is a sin. Trying to murder a man is a sin. But giving a man a choice of being baptized in the name of our Lord is not a sin. Taking a man to the waters of Babylon and giving him the choice to accept the Lord to wash away his sins is a blessing. Isn’t that what you really did?
MAN: You know, it was like a religious test.
FATHER: I think you should be praised for giving Butch the chance to accept the Lord.
MAN: What are you saying, Father?
FATHER: I think you should say Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead. Glory Hallelujah!
MAN: No Rosaries?
FATHER: I think that will suffice.
MAN: Thank you Father.
FATHER: And remember, both sides of a confessional are kept strictly confidential.
MAN: Ding Dong the Witch is Dead. Glory Hallelujah!