Dan Janal
Dan Janal
Aug 29, 2017 · 2 min read

Interior of elegant restaurant. MAN and WOMAN are clearly not dressed properly this kind of restaurant.

WOMAN: (chewing gum) Wow. This is a really nice restaurant. I’m glad you chose a special place for tonight.

MAN: You’re welcome. A special place for a special lady.

WOMAN: You’re so sweet.

MAN: We both have so much in common. I wanted to choose a special place for tonight.

WOMAN: How exciting! That’s very thoughtful of you.

WAITER: Welcome to Chez Petit. Would you like to look at the wine menu?

MAN: Certainly.

(Waiter leaves)

WOMAN: I love a man who knows how to order wine.

MAN: I like to think I know a thing or two about wine.

WOMAN: Ooh.

MAN: What kind of wine do you like?

WOMAN: Well, I know I don’t like wine from a box. Definitely not a box. I like my wine from a bottle. Like God intended.

MAN: That’s so true. And corks. The wine must have a cork. None of those twist tops.

WOMAN: And a spritzer. I like them with spritzers. They add so much flavor and fizz!

MAN: And ice. To make the wine really cold.

WAITER: Have you made a decision?

MAN: We’re thinking of the champagne. Where is it from?

WAITER: Champagne is only from France.

MAN: Really? Well, I had champagne from Napa. I guess you don’t know your wine!

WAITER: Actually, that must have been sparkling wine. Only champagne grown from grapes from the Champagne region of France can be called champagne. Everything else is called sparkling wine.

MAN: Are you telling me I’m wrong?

WOMAN: He knows his wine.

WAITER: I’m sure he does. May I suggest the sparkling wine from Sonoma?

MAN: Let me think about that. Can you come back in a few minutes?

WAITER: Certainly. (under his breath) It never fails. Some bozos come here and think they know everything about wine and they get upset when you try to give them a little education.

MAN: He was rather snooty, don’t you think?

WOMAN: Yeah, no class at all. I don’t think he knows what he’s talking about. Everyone knows champagne is champagne.

MAN: Well, I know my wine. In fact, one time I was dining in what was supposed to be a fine restaurant, but they brought out a bottle and I tasted it and I didn’t like it. So I sent it back.

WOMAN: Of course!

MAN: And they brought out another bottle and I didn’t like that either. So I sent it back too.

WOMAN: As well you should have.

MAN: I’m glad they have that policy. If you don’t like the wine, you can send it back.

WAITER: Have you made a decision?

MAN: We’ll have the house red. I suppose they call it house red because it’s made in the house, right? Like champagne is only made in France, right?

WAITER: A fine choice. (under this breath) I would say that regardless of what they ordered. I’m going to simply agree with people from now on. I just hate it when people whine about the wine.

WOMAN: You sure told him!

(end)

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    Dan Janal

    Written by

    Dan Janal