Interior of elegant restaurant. MAN and WOMAN are clearly not dressed properly this kind of restaurant.
WOMAN: (chewing gum) Wow. This is a really nice restaurant. I’m glad you chose a special place for tonight.
MAN: You’re welcome. A special place for a special lady.
WOMAN: You’re so sweet.
MAN: We both have so much in common. I wanted to choose a special place for tonight.
WOMAN: How exciting! That’s very thoughtful of you.
WAITER: Welcome to Chez Petit. Would you like to look at the wine menu?
MAN: Certainly.
(Waiter leaves)
WOMAN: I love a man who knows how to order wine.
MAN: I like to think I know a thing or two about wine.
WOMAN: Ooh.
MAN: What kind of wine do you like?
WOMAN: Well, I know I don’t like wine from a box. Definitely not a box. I like my wine from a bottle. Like God intended.
MAN: That’s so true. And corks. The wine must have a cork. None of those twist tops.
WOMAN: And a spritzer. I like them with spritzers. They add so much flavor and fizz!
MAN: And ice. To make the wine really cold.
WAITER: Have you made a decision?
MAN: We’re thinking of the champagne. Where is it from?
WAITER: Champagne is only from France.
MAN: Really? Well, I had champagne from Napa. I guess you don’t know your wine!
WAITER: Actually, that must have been sparkling wine. Only champagne grown from grapes from the Champagne region of France can be called champagne. Everything else is called sparkling wine.
MAN: Are you telling me I’m wrong?
WOMAN: He knows his wine.
WAITER: I’m sure he does. May I suggest the sparkling wine from Sonoma?
MAN: Let me think about that. Can you come back in a few minutes?
WAITER: Certainly. (under his breath) It never fails. Some bozos come here and think they know everything about wine and they get upset when you try to give them a little education.
MAN: He was rather snooty, don’t you think?
WOMAN: Yeah, no class at all. I don’t think he knows what he’s talking about. Everyone knows champagne is champagne.
MAN: Well, I know my wine. In fact, one time I was dining in what was supposed to be a fine restaurant, but they brought out a bottle and I tasted it and I didn’t like it. So I sent it back.
WOMAN: Of course!
MAN: And they brought out another bottle and I didn’t like that either. So I sent it back too.
WOMAN: As well you should have.
MAN: I’m glad they have that policy. If you don’t like the wine, you can send it back.
WAITER: Have you made a decision?
MAN: We’ll have the house red. I suppose they call it house red because it’s made in the house, right? Like champagne is only made in France, right?
WAITER: A fine choice. (under this breath) I would say that regardless of what they ordered. I’m going to simply agree with people from now on. I just hate it when people whine about the wine.
WOMAN: You sure told him!
(end)