Interior of living room. MAN is pacing the room, clearly irritated. Looks at his watch. WOMAN walks in.
WOMAN: Hi, honey. I’m home! How was your day?
MAN: Your hair’s wet!
WOMAN: Uh, yeah. I guess I got caught in the rain.
MAN: It hasn’t rained today. Stop lying! Is that how you’re going to start this?
WOMAN: Start what?
MAN: I think you know.
WOMAN: I’m sure that I don’t know what you’re talking about. Have you been drinking? I just came home and want to relax. What’s gotten into you?
MAN: I could say the same thing about you!
MAN: What’s gotten into you! Or rather who’s getting into you!
WOMAN: What are you talking about?
MAN: You’re having an affair! Admit it!
WOMAN: No, I’m not. What makes you think I’m having an affair? You’re nuts!
MAN: I’m nuts, huh? Well. Let’s look at the evidence and then try to deny it.
WOMAN: I can’t believe this.
MAN: You’re dressing better. In fact, you’re dressing sexier.
WOMAN: So, I want to look nice. What’s wrong with that?
MAN: You are coming home later than usual. I checked the mileage on your car and you’re driving 30 fewer miles a day!
WOMAN: What does that prove?
MAN: You’re driving somewhere out of the norm — to your lover, right?
WOMAN: No. You’re nuts. There’s an explanation.
MAN Save your excuses. Here’s what I know. You have more energy when you come home. You’re usually tired and grouchy.
WOMAN: Oh, so that’s it.
MAN: That’s what?
WOMAN: So what other so-called evidence do you have?
MAN: So that’s the way you want to play this? Okay. I overheard you taking to your girlfriend the other day. You said, “I feel like a whole new person. I feel like I’m getting a fresh start.” You’re having an affair. Admit it!
WOMAN: I’m not having an affair, you lovable idiot! I have a new job!
MAN: A new what?
WOMAN: A new job. I didn’t want to tell you. It pays a lot more and I wanted to surprise you.
MAN: A new job?
WOMAN: Yes. I got tired of the corporate life. All that stress. That’s why I’m driving less. The job is a lot closer to home. So I don’t spend so much time in traffic. That’s why I’m not drained and tired after a long, hard commute. I have more energy. In fact, I save so much more time, I’ve been going to yoga after work. That’s why I’m driving more. And yes, I take a shower after I work out, so my hair is wet.
MAN: I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?
WOMAN: Like I said. I wanted to surprise you and tell you that I’ve been able to pay off my credit cards because of the new job.
MAN: Oh boy. I’m proud of you. I guess I was wrong.
WOMAN: You sure were, but I love the fact you were jealous. Come here and give me a big kiss.
MAN: In a minute. I have to call my lawyer and tell him to stop the divorce papers.
WOMAN: You what?
MAN: It’s okay. Now I know you aren’t cheating on me. By the way, what’s your new job?