MOTHER: Thank you for seeing us, Teacher.
FATHER: Why are you thanking him? It’s our right to see him any time we want.
MOTHER: What he means is that we’re glad you are seeing us on short notice, isn’t that right, dear?
FATHER: Yeah, I guess so. Please forgive me. It’s just that Little Johnnie is having problems and we want to make sure everything goes well for him at school. His whole future depends on it!
TEACHER: What seems to be the problem? Johnnie is doing well on his exams. He goes to class every day. He seems to be popular with his classmates.
FATHER: Well, Little Johnnie isn’t at the top of his class. He’s number 7. His GPA is only 3.85. He’ll never amount to anything with those scores.
TEACHER: Uh, I think there’s a misunderstanding. Those numbers are actually very good. Johnnie is at the top 1 percent of his class.
MOTHER: Well, we don’t think we’re perfectionists or anything like that, but Little Johnnie has always been at the top of his class. So, you can understand why we’re concerned that when he came to his new school three years ago, we wanted him to be at the top here as well.
FATHER: After all, your school claims to be one of the best, but it can’t be that good if Little Johnnie is falling behind.
TEACHER: I assure you, Johnnie is not falling behind. As I said before, he’s one of the top students.
FATHER: But he isn’t the top student. It’s your fault. And it’s the fault of the other so called teachers here! What can we do about this?
TEACHER: Well, I suppose we can arrange for a private tutor, but he’s really the kind of student who should be tutoring other students.
FATHER: We’re not paying good money to have Little Johnnie waste his time teaching other kids to get ahead so they can get ahead of him. Aren’t there any good tutors here?
TEACHER: I suppose I could spend more time with him. But, frankly, he’s so far advanced, he could actually teach me things.
FATHER: Well, if he does, we’ll want a rebate on tuition! This fancy pants schools isn’t cheap and we want the best for Little Johnnie.
MOTHER: Thank you very much. That’s a very nice offer. I’m sure Little Johnnie will appreciate getting a little more attention from you. I’ll let him know he should talk to you about getting more help.
FATHER: Yeah. That’s the least you could do for Little Johnnie. Thanks, I suppose.
TEACHER: I’m sure everything will work out well. Have a nice day.
(Mother and Father leave)
TEACHER: (to secretary) You’d think these helicopter parents would lighten up. Little Johnnie — ugh — he’s not so little. He’s about to get his Master’s Degree in Engineering from one of the country’s best colleges!