Man making intense eye contact totally convincing everyone of his confidence

Boston, MA—As Bill Julien walks through a networking event his boss forced him to attend, the 48-year-old System Administrator stares emphatically at every person he walks by. “I’m totally nailing this,” says Julien in his head, while also mouthing the words as he stares into the eyes of a passing janitor. “I’m strong and powerful, like Alicia Keys.”

Being the third event that Julien has attended this year, he decided to read a few books on how to make a good first impression. “They all had themes of confidence,” says Julien, whose fly was down at the time of the interview. “And nothing says that more than staring into someone’s eyes until they get uncomfortable at how confident you are and how long you’ve been staring.”

Working the room with a firm handshake and remembering to say the listener’s name two-to-three times a sentence, Julien talks to other System Administrators about the latest issues facing their industry. Staring so furiously that he can’t remember what’s being said, Julien smiles every four seconds and says “you would think that” every 15 seconds to convince his listeners that he’s paying attention.

Assured that every person at the event now knows of his confidence, Julien feels comfortable leaving the event to finish watching Save the Last Dance.