A microdoser reviews a book on microdosing
This past week I read “A Really Good Day: How microdosing made a mega difference in my mood, my marriage and my life”, by Ayelet Waldman. I also saw her speak in person, and restarted my own microdosing experiment that I first started about a half year back. This is all making me very excited to share my thoughts on the book and my own experiences — if you were with me in person you’d think my excitement is really the tiny amount of LSD I took this morning, but I know it’s because I’m about find a highly creative zone, and will show you that is something worth getting excited about. We’ll get back to me, lets start with the book.
Ayelet as suffered from mood disorders her entire life that continued to get worse, no matter how hard she tried. She started with intense mood swings, anxiety, depression, and later developed premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which require SSRI’s prior to her period, but that started moving unpredictably in pre-menopause so she ended up with depression and suicidal thoughts. Oh yea and throughout all this she sustained a marriage and two kids.
Because of this struggle in her life, she became very irritable, inevitably leading to strains in her relationship with her husband. She threatens to leave when she fought. She got irritated at hearing him chew and other small things. She lashes out to quickly relieve the tension, only to have it be worse right after. Their “arguments inevitably devolve into the meta”. Relationships where one person has unaddressed internal issues might be able to relate to this downward spiral behavior.
“…but lately I have come to realize that I do it because I enjoy it. The yell, the angry e-mail, the snarky tweet, the sarcastic comment, all provide a momentary release of tension that feels really good. It’s like the joy of scratching an itch until it bleeds. The pain is the point. It erases irritation. For a moment. But then the itch returns, worse than before…”
The suicidal thoughts put her in a position where she was willing to try anything. At some point in her drug research she heard about micro-dosing and (with the help of some magic you’ve got to read to believe) she launched into a one month experiment. (She has never done acid or any other psychedelics so this was huge for her.)
Microdosing is when you regularly take a traditionally psychedelic drug in such low amounts they are sub-perceptive. In her case, she took 8–10mg every 3 days (a “normal dose” is 100–150mg ). James Fadiman, a researcher with some of the most experience in microdosing, separates the benefits into four categories, emotion, intellect, relationships, and physical:
“Emotional benefits included reductions in anxiety, elevations in mood, increases in equanimity, and feelings of being open, accepting and happier. Intellectual benefits included improved focus, the ability to sustain creativity for longer stretches, and more effective problem-solving. People reported that their relationships improved. They didn’t has as many conflicts with the people in their lives, and some claimed to be more likable, more popular with colleagues and friends…Some people reported gradually finding themselves more willing to exercise and eat well.”
The book is broken into 30 chapters, each with a little summary of the day, and a dive into her relationships and mental health or drug research and policy. It provided a very comprehensive look at all of the topics involved. (A+ on book format, structure and content!) Here’s an example:
Day 4
Microdose Day
Physical Sensations: Energized and activated
Mood: Terrific
Conflict: None
Sleep: Better, though I woke early
Work: Found myself so effortlessly in the flow I didn’t even notice time passing
Pain: Significantly less than in days past
Since I’ve done my own experiment I like to think about what we expect to happen when someone who’s mind is wrapped around itself with anxiety and a long history of scars and wounds, goes into a 30-day period of a drug that “enhances neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to grow and change, by increasing the level of BDNF in the brain and by increasing glutamate activity”, “loosens cognition”, and “enables hyperconnecivity in the brain, allowing unrelated and usually discrete regions to communicate with one another”. Will increased neuroplasticity cause decreased stressed in the mind?
“Todays epiphany: what if mood is a choice? What if I’ve been too lazy to be nice to my family?”
Well that’s quite an epiphany!
“It is suddenly so obvious that what I need to do is just get out of my own way and enjoy my marriage and my life.”
I have a feeling there are many married people out there who want their spouse to have this realization.
“Is my mind opening? Is the microdose responsible? Or is it merely a result of being exposed to the writing and research of so many philosophers and scientists, to being immersed in this psychedelic world? I don’t know the answer. All I know is that something feels like it’s shifting in me.”
If that’s what your body is telling you, then I’d assume so…
“It can only be microdosing (or the mother of all placebo effects) that has allowed me to distract my inner self-loathing insecurity-monster long enough to have what has turned out to be the most productive month of my writing life.””
In her talk she reveals that she started researching the book at the beginning of the month, and before she knew it she was just writing a book. She called it “the book that acid wrote”. I love it.
“Is it microdosing with LSD that has allowed my newly plastic brain to wiggle its way out from beneath its typical fog of negativity?”
If that’s what your mind is telling you, then probably.
What did her family say? First her husband:
“I have noticed several changes, yes. In situations of conflict, you seem to be able to reset yourself more quickly and easily. It used to sometimes take hours, and now it can sometimes take only minutes”
and the kids?
“To them, the experiment was a resounding success. My younger daughter said, “You’ve been much happier. You’ve been controlling your emotions. Like, when you’re angry, you’re super-chill”
an encore from the kids:
“Stewing less, smiling more”
Sounds like her marriage and relationships are better! What about her mental health?
“Over this past month, I was successful in using the tools [my therapist] taught me”
So while the microdosing did not directly help her mental health, she was more successful with the tools she was using to fix her mental health.
My microdosing story
Last September I came back from burning man focused on a few goals I wanted to achieve. I wanted to code my app (which required learning to code, something that has eluded me for seemingly decades), start reading a book a week and continue my focus on health. At that same time I started microdosing on a once per 4 day schedule (she did it every 3 days).
I’d like to highlight how my “set and setting” is very different from hers. I’m a tall, white male you would immediately label a “techbro” that has always been generally positive and is approaching this to get “better faster stronger”. Although I’d like to think I’m not like most techbro’s — I’m dealing with my own trauma from ending my 6 year marriage, relationship of 12 years (since I was 20), with someone who had many similar symptoms that Ayelet described. I’m familiar with being on the other end of many of the fights she describes. At the start the wound was still “open” but not so “fresh” anymore.
My journey was more designed to be one of growth, which is what it ended up being! By the end of the year my app was built, I read a book every week, lost 10lbs, started learning Spanish and began WRITING!? ME?? Did it work? I don’t think it did, I know it did. I now can focus and find flow states much easier which I can measure on the basketball court and I find it extremely easy and natural to view life in a positive way and every day. Everyday I find myself more aligned in my life.
“today was a really good day, and I’m under the influence of nothing at all” — Ayelet on a non-dose day
My dosage has changed over the months. I started with a strict 1 every 4 days, and after about a month I experienced some of the similar (and rare) side effects of being a bit hyper, dizzy, edgy or anxious. After about a month the peaks & valleys smoothed out and I actually found myself forgetting to take it, but was still just as energized and creative. I revised the “prescription” in my head to “whenever I feel, but no more frequent than 1 every 4 days” and started planning them out on days I felt like I wanted to have a bit more magic (thanksgiving was great!) and sort of stopped because of travel. This week I’m back for a long creative period and am going to have a policy of “whenever I feel, but no more than 1 every 3 days” since I’ve gotten very good at handling the side effects and I want to have a very productive month.
The magic of neuroplasticity
I believe all the magic lies in finding our creative flow and increasing our neuroplasticity. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we use words like “stresssed” or “wound up” to describe our mind in pain. I think of a “mental block” as something similar to a knot in a muscle, but in the mind. It only makes sense that increasing your mental flexibility will aid in the release of stressors and blocks.
I like to think of my brain like a steel object, and if I want to learn or grow, I must change the shape, that requires intense heat to increase the plasticity of the steal, and then a force in the appropriate directions to change it’s shape.
Any internal stresses will begin to work themselves out because of their own internal forces. Intensely thinking about an issue will most likely result in an epiphany that helps fix it.
I believe learning something new requires you to apply force in the form of being very focused on yourself or a goal. In these focus sessions you will find yourself in a deep state of flow that causes you to move forward on this project faster than others. I even think that if you have to sit in traffic and go to an office everyday, you will run the risk of nausea and anxiety because you will spend too much time “in your head” when you should be “in the zone” (melting your mind but not applying any force). This is one commonality between Ayelet and I, we both work at home with the relentless pursuit of finding our creative zone, even if it’s for just a few minutes.
Final thoughts
Creativity and neuroplasticity is where the real magic lies. Microdosing loosens up your mind that results in enhanced creativity, and that flow releases the chemicals in your brain that cause the feelings of ecstasis, which releases chemicals that lead to more neuroplasticity. This produces a positive UPWARD SPIRAL in your creativity, emotions and life. There are reports of people who quit smoking and stopped using Adderall. It only makes sense that the best way to counter a downward spiral, is with an upward spiral, amiright?
This is the 10th book I read of 2018.
Book #9 was Einstein: His Life and Universe
Book #11 was The Divine Matrix: Bridging time, space, miracles, and belief