Is the “Dear me” you at this point in your life, Amanda? If so, it sounds a lot like you’re in a depression. I’ve read several of your stories tonight, and this is the first one that’s shown any hint of depression. Do you think it’s because of all the surgeries and recuperations when you had very little control over your life? I don’t think you’re in a full-blown depressive state or you wouldn’t be getting out of bed or going anywhere at all. It sounds a lot like what I call a fog that’s hanging over me. It’s been a while that I’ve felt like this, but at those times I stay home and only go out if someone comes to pick me up and take me.
The whole time I was reading your hospital stories I felt like there was a truck on my chest — the exact way I felt after my two four-month hospital stays. Wow! I thought I had it tough until I read about yours. I am so very sorry you went through this and continue to worry about having other surgeries. These are real things to worry about. You are a very brave woman.
This is my hospital story. It might help you feel just a little better knowing there are others who understand: https://medium.com/life-tips/hospital-nightmare-6166e6d8fb85#.6n661utqt