… Danny. Yes I read to the end. And it’s not your words that bothered me, it’s the lack of humility. After giving some thought to workplace harassment (which is only one tiny aspect of gender discrimination), you took a stab at educating others. That is so weird to me. I keep seeing these self-congratulatory articles from the newly indignant who have just yesterday discovered that sexism is not ok.
You say that from the assumption that sexism never bothered me before this law suite, and that just is not true. I have always hated bro culture and sex talk. If you really want to know my story, I have consistently wondered in my life if Im gay or asexual due to how much sex repulses me and how I like to act. Ever since middle school I’ve been bullied by overly masculine men who make fun of me for for that and how I stay quite when guys talk about sex. So a majority of my best friends throughout my life have been women due to how I just generally feel safer and more accepted around women since I don’t have to act manly.
I’ve always worked to be an ally, but that doesn’t mean I’m still not intimidated by men, and yearn to be socially accepted by men. My article is about me finally breaking from that fear and standing up to oppressors. Peer pressure is a huge contributing factor here. I had hoped that by sharing my story of overcoming that pressure, that I’d inspire other men to do the same and stand up, regardless of the social repercussions.
And I was listening to the women at Upload long before the allegations were made. That’s why I walked out with them without second guessing. That’s why we all worked together to try to convince will and Taylor to step down that week. I fully believed the stories the women I worked with shared, and I gave them my support without any hesitation.
Also, I did hold my tongue as you asked, which is why this article is coming out now and not a week after I quit my job there. In the four months since I left Upload, I have been talking with dozens of women about this issue, trying to understand what men can do to be better allies, and how I can improve even my vocabulary to be more inclusive. And then even when I wrote this piece, I refused to share it until several of the women in my life who I deeply respect, approved. If they did not, I’d search to find out why and learn from my mistakes.
But most of all, my article is about silence in the face of these issues. Upload was trying to brush this under the rug, which reads as “if you experience sexism and report it, nothing will happen”. I hated that message, so I wanted to voice my support for Elizabeth publicly instead of just in private conversations, so that our outcry against uploads silence carries more weight for those dealing with issues like this.