Our perspective is everything when it comes to seeing the world as it is. The world can either be an oasis to be explored, or a war zone full of danger. Our parents, our experiences and our own unique personalities have an affect on how we perceive what’s around us.
If you suffer with anxiety, this is most likely a factor on how you see your life and the world. Managing your own anxiety can be difficult, but through using your own experience and seeking help you need, you can find ways to overcome it.
Here are 4 Golden Rules I gave myself which have helped me tremendously throughout time:
1. Accept what you cannot control.
We try so so hard to try and control EVERYTHING around us — our relationships, careers, the past, family life, even what others think of us.
We try to take charge of everything in our lives because we are under the illusion that we are responsible for waaayyy more than we actually are.
But regardless of what we think, the sun still rises, traffic is still bad, our lives change and people have good and bad thoughts about us. Really have a think about these — what can you actually control?
You’ll come to find — we control very little. More so, the one thing you can control is how you react to situations. If we shift our focus to changing how we react to things, we tend to let a whole lot of things go.
By realising what we can actually control in our lives, we can let go of what we can’t and make the most of our choices.
2. The future is your imagination, the past is your memory. Neither exist in the present.
Give yourself a moment to read and think on the following quote from Jeffery Deaver:
Everything in the past is memory and everything in the future is imagination. Those’re both illusions — memories are unreliable and we just speculate about the future. The only thing that’s completely real is this one instant of the present — and that’s constantly changing from imagination to memory. So, see? Most of our life’s illusory.
How much time do you spend each day worrying about the future and pondering over the past?
In regards to the past, how many times have you said one of the following?
- I should’ve
- I wish I’d
- I could’ve
What do all these have in common? They’re rooted in dwelling on the past. The only use of considering these phrases is when we are looking to learn from our mistakes, which is healthy.
However, dwelling on these beyond this can be a downward spiral stemming from regret.
If you find yourself using these phrases frequently, ask yourself this:
What is the POINT on asking these questions and dwelling on it?
Seriously, deeply ask yourself this. What are you trying to get from it?
You find that there is no point — sometimes our minds dwell on things for it’s own entertainment!
Focusing on the why can help you see the bigger picture; you realise the fallacy in what you dwell on and let it go.
Regarding the future, all you can really do is make the best choices you can in the present moment — see golden rule #1. Everything else is out of your control. We worry about our next paycheck, our family, where our careers are heading, how this or that person will react to this or that — but we really don’t know what will happen in the future.
If the problem can be solved, why worry? If the problem can’t be solved, why worry?
3. How you imagine things will always be different from reality, good and bad.
Can you remember those times in school where you were in line to take an exam, your nerves getting the best of you?
When we worry, our imaginations are very very good at kicking into gear and giving you scenarios that drive your fear — imagine failing the exam and what your parents and friends will day, not getting into that University you wanted, imagine how you would feel!
We hold a scenario in our heads when we worry about something — then that something actually happens. 99% of the time, our worst fears aren’t realised and we wonder why we ever worried in the first place! However, say the worst does happen — and it sucks. But even then, your worst fears aren’t truly realised.
Why? Everything you worried about actually came to be!
It’s because when we imagine the worst-case-scenario, it ends at just that — just that moment that we dwell on over and over again in a loop.
But what happens is, that thing just comes to be for a moment and it’s done — after that, you sort it out: you move on, you take alternative options, you work on resolving the situation and moving forward.
But when you imagined the situation, you don’t think of any of what happens after, do you?
You don’t think of how you sort it out afterwards and what options in life come your way which you would never see coming?
The situation in reality will always be different to the imagination, regardless if it’s good or bad. How could it ever be the same, even if your worst fears came through? Because life happens OUTSIDE your head, and you handle things beyond the stretch of imagination you have.
4. Practice and practice and practice consistently!
It’s all well and good reading quotes and books, watching videos, taking therapy/counselling that help you. However, if you don’t consistently keep up your self-care, you can very easily slip back into old habits and never get any better.
This was the mistake I made after a successfully completed my 8 months of therapy — I thought I was done and forgot about it. I put the self-care leaflet I was given in one of my kitchen drawers and left it there.
Sadly, that resulted in relapses in the future that could have been avoided if I had kept up and built a tolerance to anxiety.
So you must practice looking after yourself regularly. You will be amazed how often looking after our mental health is neglected. It’s only recently that we have began to talk about it more openly.
So through these 4 rules, I keep myself as balanced as possible through the good and bad times. Looking after yourself takes work, but it will be one of the best investments to your health you will ever make.
Originally published at theselfhelpplace.com on September 18, 2019.
