Asian Masculinity: Becoming an Officer: Part II

The Best and Worst Year of my Life
“Two roads diverged in a wood and I — I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” Robert Frost
Basic Training
The day of my high school graduation I was on a plane to Colorado by myself. I knew most of my friends were going to graduation parties and enjoying the final chapter of high school. Yet, for some reason, deep down in my heart, I was at peace. I knew I was doing the right thing and I wasn’t missing out on anything. It was going to be worth it at the very end.
I checked into my hotel, and saw my peers with their parents. For some reason, I wasn’t jealous. As weird as it sounds, I preferred to be by myself, to be alone in my thoughts. The next morning, my peers and I got on the famous blue Academy bus. I remember we were at the front entrance and parents were behind us. They let some of the kids wave back…until we got past the front gate.
Suddenly, the professional Upperclassmen dressed in formal blues in the bus, started yelling at us. They told us to sit up straight. I was not prepared for this. For some reason, I did not ask any previous alumni what happens before you start basic training. Once the bus stopped at the infamous footprints….I was in for a wakeup call.

“Do you think you are going to the beach?!” Three huge upperclassmen (looked like giants) got in my face and ripped me on wearing beach sandals to in processing. Looking back, I can laugh at it, but it did make everything more difficult. Carrying 50–70 pound bags did not help while we ran everywhere from location to location.
Basic Training was the most brutal experience I had in my life at the time. The early mornings, the physical demands, lack of sleep, always being told we are nothing, and just the breakdown mentally.
Yet I still went to bed fulfilled. It sounds so weird but the positives outweighed the negatives: my body physically becoming stronger, unlimited snacks, stupid jokes with my peers, and the sleep. You were just so tired that anytime you got to rest your head or even sit down….it was so amazing. You appreciate the small things when they are taken away from you.
Finally, basic training was complete and I was ready to be accepted into Academy as a 4th degree Cadet. There is an official parade at the end of basic training where parents can visit and see their kids officially become part of the Wing (what we called the group of cadets). The best part was once the parade was over, we got free time to relax, eat pizza, and most of all SIT DOWN lol.
So the parade started, and my squadron, 28 Blackbirds, marched in front of the crowd. Our leader yelled “eyes right” and we turn our head and salute the crowd and our leadership. Then in the corner of my eye, I see my parents yelling in Korean and screaming DANNY!, DANNY!…. I am laughing as I am writing this. I almost smiled while in formation and I think my friends did too. At the same time, I think something went in my eye that caused me to shed a tear.
My parents met up with me after and I saw that my mom was crying. It was an amazing moment. Honestly, that was probably one of the best experiences I had with my parents. They told me how they asked around and found out about the acceptance parade. They used their income tax refund to book flights and the hotel. I never told them how happy I was when I saw them too. I realized that parents are human and they make mistakes. But moments like these make you realize a parent’s love is irreplaceable and indescribable. You can only feel it.
Once the fun relaxing day was over, my Academy journey officially started.
Freshman Year
First week: Three Breakups aka Dear John letters in one room. Three guys crying so quietly that no one can hear but we all knew. For me, heart break was one of the worst pains I ever felt till this day.
No cellphones, no videogames, wearing Service Dress every time we went outside the school. Naps were not allowed and our doors were open until “academic” time. Freshmen had to wake up early to be alarm clocks for the upperclassmen. We did some kind of physical training almost every day depending on the training officer’s mood. We carried our backpacks filled with textbooks in our left hand only. We had to run everywhere.
One of the worst memories was me standing up in front of my classmates while they were in push up position. For some reason, I could not recite the Airman’s Creed that special day. For that reason, my training officer destroyed my classmates and he made me watch. He made me watch as the floor got drenched in my friends sweat. I didn’t care if he made me do a thousand pushups or punished me. But punishing my friends because of what I did killed me. I hated the feeling of others getting hurt because of what I did. I remember I went to my room after lunch and cried.

There were a lot of days where it was a constant struggle. The worst was seeing my friends on Facebook enjoying college life. Honestly, I wanted to experience the same thing. Jealousy would creep in time to time. Even one of my roommates, who I was good friends didn’t come back after Christmas break. Did I ever want to give up? Honestly, I never did. I felt like this was the path chosen for me. I felt like god gave me this gift, this opportunity to finally become more than what I saw. Being the second son, being overweight, being bullied, and all the above always made me feel lonely and worst of all….worthless. However, even though I was facing the trials at the Academy, I felt like….I was finding my worth, my value amidst the suffering.
Then the final three days of my freshman year came. Recognition, the day we become recognized and become accepted in the Wing. The day we get our “wings” to be part of something special. The most mentally and physically demanding three days of my life.
I remember once we made it, they did a ceremony where we walked the halls of our squadron. It was pitch dark and you can see white gloves saluting you, giving you the respect you earned. I remember my heart beating as I walked the halls. One by one, hands went up saluting me. But in the corner of my eye, one upperclassmen did not raise his hand. I knew who he was. He came up to me at the end and told me you don’t deserve to be here. He said I am not worth to be an alumni and it was his job to make me quit. Furthermore, my training officer came up to and told me “Honestly, I didn’t think you would make it.”
My freshman journey was different than most, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Every struggle, every joy, every experience made me the man I am today.

Reminiscing about my freshman year, it was the most difficult year in my life. Yet it was the best year of my life. Through the suffering, I found out what I was made of. As long as you do not quit, as long as you push through, you will become a better person from it. You will have no regrets.
“Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret”
To be continued….
Suggestions for your journey:
Pain is temporary. Regret lasts forever. Do NOT quit
Through suffering, not joy, you will find yourself.
The harder the dream or goal is, the more worth it has.
