End of a Chapter
Bilbo: “Can you promise that I will come back?”
Gandalf: “No, and if you do, you will not be the same”
A lot of pain I have endured to see the end of this long lasting Chapter at last, yet I do not regret any of it. It has been such a heart-opening part of my journey. This chapter will never truly fade from memory, every beat pounding in my chest is a reminder of what I have experienced.
It is so different than I imagined, life flows so calm. I am so used to the stormy seas that the gentle river makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, to good to be true. Though I know it is true, right here, right now. I expected that I would be filled with energy to finally do all that I wanted to do. A young man full of excitement to take on the world. Though for now I feel more like an old man, weary of his travels. Desiring the peace of the gentle river, the warmth of a dearest and breath of fresh nature air. No desire to chase after anything, content in this moment with his own inner peace.
I have learned to be authentic and allow myself to be. When my heart feels like shedding the tears carrying the fears and pain of the Child who deserves his peace, I let them roll… When my body shakes, I let all my muscles vibrate as tension releases and I can let go of that which no longer serves me once more. I allow my heart to live fully through me, no matter how much risk there is present. I am not as afraid as I used to be, call me over-confident but after all this I doubt there is much left my heart cannot be reborn from. Break and die, sure, but just like the phoenix it will rise again.
I had this dream a couple of days ago, where I was in another world with some friends from school. I have weird fantasy-rich dreams, though the weirdest thing was all my friends were themselves but I wasn’t. Or perhaps it was. See I was an old man, grey hair waving majestically in the wind as my beard looked fucking fabulous. It was a weird dream, I fought dragons and gorillas. The point being, I feel older and different than the people around me, and metaphorically my dream showed me this. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with this though. I cannot expect people to think and be the same without having a similar experience themselves. I do feel less connected than I was before with many people though. I guess I am diving deeper and with that I desire people who dare to dive deep themselves. Now I resonate with the guy from Infinite Waters, much love for him and also the cat down the road! ❤
As I am writing this all these old people from stories come to my mind. See I love stories, seeing characters develop through their challenges in their own unique way touches me heart.
Life fascinates me, it has so many layers and we never really know if we found the last one. I feel much more in resonance with life, connected to it. How can I not be, for I am a part of life, it flows through me. All it’s cycles and ways of teaching us fascinate me. It makes me believe that there must be something, some deeper intelligence of the universe. I am not much of a religious man, though I do believe there is something. Call it god, call it whatever you want. I think many people find that there is something, and religions tried to explain what it is in their own way. So many cultures have their own god, there are hundreds of gods. To me it seems that all cultures try to explain that feeling of being guided in life by something more, and thus religion is born. Haha damn how the hell did I go from sharing my life experience to explaining religion. Gotta love that spontaneity.
See I friggin love myself for being me. I break all the goddamn rules and boxes. I am a 2 meters tall (6 ft 3 I think) dude who practices MMA. Also I cry at movies and am a hugging bear. I can be both introverted and extroverted. No limitations whatsoever!
Alright now I am just ranting, I will finish up here. So grateful to walk this incredible path. Though it is a difficult one, it is mine and I would not have it any other way! I am grateful for the people I have met, especially my brother Felipe. And now I am in touch with the beautiful souls of the International Tribe Design who’s tribe I will be joining. I bore the burden and now I can enjoy the fruits ❤
— The Hero of Beauty