Fantasy-booking: WWE Men’s Mock Royal Rumble 3.0

Dan Scotti
Sep 7, 2018 · 14 min read

For this final Men’s Mock-Up, I enlisted the help of my 87-year-old grandpa. I wasn’t feeling too inspired, so I wanted to get his prediction and fantasy-book it from there. Mind you, my grandfather isn’t a wrestling fan. I sent him a picture of 30 potential entrants in the match. I figured he’d just pick someone based on their look, but he was eager to make an informed decision. So I sent him stats for each of those superstars. Age, height, weight, average eliminations and length of time in the match (when applicable). He’s all excited about it too. Now he’s eager to see how his pick makes out in the match next Sunday. A bit of housekeeping, this write-up assumes that AJ Styles retains, Braun Strowman conquers the Beast, and The Bar beat Rollins & Jordan. Alright without further ado let’s rock and roll!

Entrant #1 — Shinsuke Nakamura

No one is mad if the King of Strong Style enters first here. Witnessing his entrance in full would be a spectacle. He’s the favorite to win the match on all the betting sights, so why not have him enter at #1 so the fans think they’re about to witness a very rare feat as far the Rumble is concerned.

Entrant #2 — The Miz

If we’re running on the assumption that Braun Strowman won the WWE title earlier in the night, The Miz is unlikely to walk out of Philly as The Monster’s opponent at Wrestlemania. Just doesn’t have that Mania magic to it. But in the meantime, the A-Lister & The Artist have some unfinished business. When Shinsuke debuted back in April of 2017, he did with an interruption to Miz. The two never had any sort of blowoff because the former Real World contestant was moved to Raw the following week. What a better way to have this in the Rumble?

Entrant # 3 — Apollo Crews

Despite his recent Raw momentum, Crews probably won’t do much here. Unless Jason Jordan aids he and Titus in distracting all other 29 competitors, it’s doubtful he’ll win. His entry into the match is exciting because both he and Nakamura came up in Japan. The former Uhaa Nation cut his teeth for Dragons Gate. Ideally, we see a sequence between the two, possibly even a brief stint teaming up to take it to The Miz.

Entrant # 4 — Aiden English

English is white-hot these days. Speaking of which, it’s Rusev Day, so I imagine he’ll come into the ring fired up. Simple enough to have him help The Miz out and take down the two faces. Let’s have Apollo fight up and take both of them down. Set Crews up to do some high-risk flip, but ultimately it’s going to cost him. Miz & English are smart to it, evade it, and then make him pay by tossing him out of the match.

Elimination — Apollo Crews by The Miz & Aiden English

The Miz goes to take a microphone, English grabs it from him. He starts singing about Rusev Day. It’s a joyous moment. Miz tries to grab the mic back. A tug of war leads to the mic falling to the floor at Shinsuke’s feet. Nakamura picks it up, clubs The Miz with it, and throws it towards the ramp. He then turns his attention to the Drama King. After a quick sequence that ends with a Kinshasa, the Rockstar tosses English out of the match.

Elimination — Aiden English by Shinsuke Nakamura

Entrant # 5 — Lance Storm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYguD5jwjLI

Remember, we’ve got a mic on the ramp. Hopefully the crowd chants ECW, maybe they won’t. Storm scoops up the mic, builds up anticipation, and then hits the Wells Fargo Center with an, “If I Could Be Serious For A Minute” — place goes berserk. Lance gets in the ring and gives Miz & Nakamura the business for a hot minute. Enjoy this surprise while ya can.

Entrant # 6 — Pete Dunne

Back-to-back surprises are fun, and the Bruiserweight’s inclusion in this match would be dope. Does it cheapen the prestige of the UK Championship? Maybe. Does it matter? No. This is a dope idea. He’s someone that would be a great addition to Raw/The Authority. So let’s get him in the ring and let’s have him do what he does best: beat people up. Lance Storm vs. Pete Dunne is something no one ever knew they needed until this writing. Storm can put Pete over and then Dunne can step on Miz & Nakamura’s limbs shortly thereafter.

Elimination — Lance Storm by Pete Dunne

Entrant # 7 — Xavier Woods

The first member of New Day joins the match. Xavier gets in there and goes right after Dunne. Woods can work well with just about anybody and his brand of athleticism will make for a nice change of flow in this match. Hope he brings pancakes with him.

Entrant # 8 — Seth Rollins

The ring is filling up with some incredibly talented superstars. Seth can pair off with any of these guys to work his magic. Obviously, the most enticing interactions would be with the Bruiserweight & the King of Strong Style. Previous mock-ups have given considerable amounts of time to some Architect vs. Artist sequences, and this should be no different. No eliminations just yet.

Entrant # 9 — Mojo Rawley

Last year’s winner of the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal is going through somewhat of a push. So he’ll probably have a handful of minutes to look impressive before he gets canned. How? I don’t know. Maybe some shoulder blocks for everyone in the match?

Entrant # 10 — Baron Corbin

OH LOOK HE ALSO WON THE ANDRE — MIGHTY CONVENIENT. Corbin & Mojo both have upside, but they’re not part of any major stories on Smackdown Live at the moment. Let’s team these two up. Sure, Baron is the Lone Wolf, but he understands that the only way to make it to the end of the match is with help. Why not enlist the help of someone else who can win a battle royal? Hell, they’ll even eliminate Xavier Woods just to show how good they are at throwing people over the ropes. As the countdown kicks up, the Hype Wolfs should be the only boys standing tall in the ring.

Elimination — Xavier Woods by Mojo Rawley & Baron Corbin

Entrant # 11 — Ricochet

MUCH EXCITE. WWE just announced his signing this week. It’s not something they did with AJ Styles, but it doesn’t mean that Ricochet won’t be in the match. The Phenomenal One had been a name on fans’ radars for years. Not every WWE fan knows how to spell BOLA. Think about that announcement on the site as an introduction to the uninitiated. But yeah, enough explanation and more flips! Let’s get him in there to do all kinds of cool shit to the likes of the Miz, Pete Dunne, Rollins, and even the Hype Wolfs. Only, let’s give him some real fire and have him toss the newly formed tag team from the ring.

Elimination — Baron Corbin & Mojo Rawley by Ricochet

Entrant # 12 — Rusev

I know. Ricochet & Rusev back-to-back. It must be RUSEV DAY! It’d be nice if he got an elimination, but no one in the ring is really expendable as of yet. Just let the former Alexander fuck everyone up in there while the fans lose their minds for a hot minute.

Entrant # 13 — Jason Jordan

It was fun while it lasted, but now it’s time for everyone to boo. I’ve been wrestling with the idea that he’d either ask his dad for the #1 to prove he’s like his dad or if he would ask for a later spot because he wrestled earlier — so I settled in the middle. As Wrestlemania draws nearer, I’m not sure where Jordan’s going to be, but I do know his fake son charade is probably nearing its end, so he should milk it for all it’s worth. This fantasy-booking assumes that Rollins & Jordan lose their titles to The Bar earlier in the night. He seems like the type of character that could cost Seth the match earlier in the night, and act like nothing happened by the time he rolls into the ring for the Rumble. Rollins doesn’t forget though. A stare down between the two can get broken up with an attack on Rollins from either Dunne or Miz. This can allow Jordan to strut his stuff and pull off some cool athletic grappling. Ricochet & Jordan interacting is a preview of your Wrestlemania 38 main event.

Entrant # 14 — Karl Anderson

One of the Good Brothers making his Rumble debut. If the Balor Club didn’t form, he and Gallows probably wouldn’t be in this match. But now a lot of dark horse theories are calling for the Club to turn heel and Balor to win this match. So yeah, let’s get him in there. So many enticing match-ups with his entry. Nakamura, Pete Dunne, Ricochet, & Rusev. He probably won’t do too much on his own, but with his luck, Royal Rumble’s random means your tag team partner won’t enter too far behind.

Entrant # 15 — Titus O’Neil

Speaking of which, Titus O’Neil enters too far away from his partner to save him and himself. I can’t imagine him doing a lot. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe Titus wins the damn thing. But let’s run on the assumption that is not going to happen.

Entrant # 16 — Luke Gallows

Anderson & Gallows unite. That spells some trouble for the folks in this match. First and foremost, that means Titus O’Neil is gone! Let ’em wreak havoc on everyone else in there for the time being.

Elimination — Titus O’Neil by Anderson & Gallows

Entrant # 17 — Kofi Kingston

We’ve now got 10 guys in the ring. Man, I just don’t know where Kofi Kingston is gonna go with his spot last year. Anything will be better than last years. Getting in the ring with the King is borderline dream-match territory. Let’s not worry about his elimination save, for now, let’s only think about how disappointed we’ll be when Kofi & Ricochet don’t cross paths this year. If I had to guess though, I think Kofi is going to pull some Super Mario 64 Endless Stairs glitch to stay alive.

Entrant # 18 — Bobby Roode

The new US Champion is someone WWE is going to feature prominently for years to come. If he didn’t have the strap, it’s easy to make a case for him finishing in the final four. The Glorious One’s arrival means we can clean up the ring a bit. The Miz and Pete Dunne have been in the ring for a while. Let me just say, I’m not ready for either to leave but oh well!

Eliminations — The Miz & Pete Dunne by Bobby Roode

Entrant # 19 — Finn Balor

Balor Club in full effect. Ring cleaning continues. Jason Jordan has to pay for his sins against the Club, so he’ gone. Ricochet’s also been there since 11, and I figure he’ll go down to NXT after this match anyway so he can go too. But not before Finn Balor eliminates him to tease a future dream bout between the two (they have worked each other before but obviously not in WWE).

Elimination — Jason Jordan by Anderson & Gallows

Elimination — Ricochet by Finn Balor

Entrant # 20 — Big E

While we’re talking about dream bouts, let’s spend the 90 seconds of this match teasing a New Day vs. Balor Club trios match. Maybe at Wrestlemania? That’d be cool. As of this writing, there is still a chance for Big E & Carmella to see the Boss Club in the second round of the Mixed Match Challenge. If WWE wanted to heat things up for this scintillating six-man tag, they could build the angle on their new platform in Facebook Watch. To get the most out of this, it’s time to go all in. Let’s have members of this faction break down and eliminate one another. Big E taking down Anderson, Gallows taking out Kofi, and Big E spearing himself and Gallows out of the match. Luke is eliminated initially, E is not. But as soon as he celebrates with a pancake or two in the ring, Balor will get a surprise elimination on him.

Eliminations — Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows by Big E

Elimination — Kofi Kingston by Luke Gallows

Elimination — Big E by Finn Balor

Entrant # 21 — Tommy Dreamer

The ring has emptied for our final act in this match. Let’s get one more ECW surprise entrant in with Tommy Dreamer. He’s one of the few ECW alumni not suing WWE for concussions. He’d get a good pop. Can’t imagine he would do much other than get some foreign object pops and ECW chants. AIn’t mad at it though.

Entrant # 22 — Dolph Ziggler

The only reason he’s in my final mock-up is that he’s heavily favored on the betting sites. I don’t think Ziggler is going to come close to winning. He’s back, and Dreamer is exactly the kind of guy his current character has problems with. So bye-bye Tommy.

Elimination — Tommy Dreamer by Dolph Ziggler

Entrant # 23 — Matt Hardy

Enter another individual that would draw great deals of ire from the former Show Off. It’s a great late match segment while everyone else recovers since half of the competitors in the match have been in the match for about 20 minutes. “Woken” Matt Hardy working Rusev here would be an absolute treat too.

Entrant # 24 — Randy Orton

My grandpa was leaning towards picking last year’s winner based on statistics alone. He’s won twice, he’s averaging about 3 eliminations per outing, and the Legend Killer has had multiple stays through the years where he’s lasted over 30 minutes. Fortunately, he didn’t pick him, because I’d have struggled to come up with a way for Randy to win the match. Orton and Nakamura have been tag partners for the last few months, but this should be the first opportunity for them to go mano y mano. There are no friends in the Rumble after all!

Entrant # 25 — Roman Reigns

Set phasers to BOO. Philly won’t want to see Reigns win there again. They’ll verbally protest the shit out of him. Vince is a smart dude, I’m sure he realizes what kind of gold mine of heat he’s sitting on if he has Reigns eliminate some fan favorites. The only person safe from his series of superman punches and spears will be Rollins. Otherwise, everyone is doomed. Rusev will be Reigns’ first victim. And Orton won’t be too far behind!

Eliminations — Rusev & Randy Orton by Roman Reigns

Entrant # 26 — Bray Wyatt

Last time the Rumble was in Philly, he was the matches, Iron Man. Since then, Wyatt has fared well every year in the Rumble. Why should this be any different? He’s got the Great War on his hands so that will be a distraction, but not for too long. In fact, let’s get rid of Hardy now.

Elimination — Matt Hardy by Bray Wyatt

Entrant # 27 — Elias

He’ll get a good rub from the commentary team from coming out at the “luckiest number.” This dude really has no business hopping in that ring with all that talent right now. Singing a song is a good start. Gets some heat. When it comes time to get in the ring, being that this on ECW’s turf, he should bust his guitar over someone to really get the crowd hot.

Entrant # 28 — Shane McMahon

With all the snap decisions that Daniel Bryan is making, expect Shane-O in the Rumble. I don’t know if it’ll be a surprise. Maybe he’ll announce it this coming Tuesday on Smackdown to ensure that he’ll stop KO/Zayn at Mania if they do win. Remember, this write-up assumes they were unsuccessful despite their handicap on AJ Styles. Let’s have Shane get rid of Ziggler from the match. He’s doing that there money dance. Daniel Bryan’s music hits. The crowd goes wild. He doesn’t come out. Sami Zayn & Kevin Owens jump Shane and even Nakamura and then toss The Money out of the match. For dramatic effect, let’s have Nakamura roll out of the ring.

Elimination — Dolph Ziggler by Shane McMahon

Elimination — Shane McMahon by Sami Zayn & Kevin Owens

Entrant # 29 — John Cena

Cena gets in there and goes straight after the man who called him out recently, Elias. And after all that talk, the 16 time World Champion is going to come in like a house of fire and take the Drifter right out of the match. Now we’ll get Reigns & Cena 2.0 // Balor & Cena 2.0 and ALL KINDS of 2.0’s.

Elimination — Elias by John Cena

Entrant # 30 — Jinder Mahal

The Modern Day Maharaja is the last dude to enter the match. He’s vying to get one more shot at AJ. After coming up short to Roode in the US title tournament, it’d be logical for him to make a b-line for him. Jinder needs some heat, so eliminating the Glorious one should do it. He’ll get some serious boos if he low blows Bobby to do so.

Elimination — Bobby Roode by Jinder Mahal

Next up, Cena comes firing away at Mahal. Double shoulder tackles and the works. He sets up for a 5 Knuckle Shuffle, but here come the Singh brothers on the apron. Cena hits a double AA on them. He’s hyped as fuck. Mahal tosses Cena out of the ring and to the floor.

Elimination — John Cena by Jinder Mahal

Jinder Mahal is having a moment. He just took out Cena. But now he’s got the Shield behind him. Roman & Seth give ole Jinder the business, and he gets laid out flat with a spear. Finn interrupts Seth’s attempted Black Out and tries to take him out of the match, but Seth dumps him from the ring.

Elimination — Finn Balor by Seth Rollins

Now their attention turns back to Jinder. This a bump built on fantasy-booking. Shield Powerbomb to the outside and Jinder lands on the Singh Brothers. IRL those boys would die trying to catch him tho.

Elimination — Jinder Mahal by Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns

It’s Shield vs. Wyatt here. The Shield has the upper hand on Bray, but when they try to eliminate him, the lights go out. When they return. Matt Hardy & Brother Nero are standing in the ring!!! They beat the hell out of Reigns & Rollins for a minute. That’s all she wrote from Seth.

Elimination — Seth Rollins by Bray Wyatt

Reigns are too strong though. He tries to fire back up, but Bray & his new allies are too much. Bray tosses Roman from the ring much to the crowd’s delight.

Elimination — Roman Reigns by Bray Wyatt

Nakamura rolls back in the ring to cut Bray’s celebration short. He takes out the Hardyz and then sets his sights on Bray. The King of Strong Style and Eater of Worlds go back and forth. The fight heads out onto the apron. Kinshasa to Bray but as he falls, the Hardyz catch him and place him back on the apron. Each of the brothers eats a knee from Shinsuke. Wyatt tries for a Sister Abigail on the distracted Nakamura, but he pushes Bray away and towards the ring post. Nakamura charges one more time at Bray for a Kinshasa, but Bray sidesteps it and knees the post. Bray pushes Shinsuke to the floor and wins the Rumble.

Elimination — Shinsuke Nakamura by Bray Wyatt

That’s right. Master vs. Monster at Wrestlemania 34.

Here are some stats!

Winner: Bray Wyatt

Most Eliminations: Bray Wyatt (4)

Iron Man: Shinsuke Nakamura

Shortest Time: Shane McMahon

Dan Scotti

I type like 103 WPM, but that doesn’t mean any of it’s actually good

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