WWE Men’s Mock Royal Rumble 2.0
We’re back. It’s Mock Rumble 2.0 time! Today’s edition assumes that Jinder Mahal & Bobby Roode are going to the finals of the US Title Tournament. This mock-up also goes on the idea that the superstars competing in the World Championship matches will NOT be in this match. Anyway, without further ado, let’s ado this.
Entrant #1 — Finn Balor
It’s easy to be upset that Finn Balor isn’t getting squashed by Lensar at the Rumble. But there’s more reason to be excited about him being the #1 entrant in the rumble. It gives him the opportunity to let the focus of the match be on him for the early part. It’s doubtful he’ll win, but a lengthy stay here will do him wonders. Not just in the eyes of the fans, but those who doubt him in the back.
Entrant #2 — Tye Dillinger
Coming out at any number that isn’t 10 seems sacrilegious. It would be the silliest thing in the history of wrestling if he entered at the same spot every Royal Rumble. Let’s not explore that possibility today. He’s another underutilized fan favorite. Too Sweet vs. The Perfect 10 packs enough action to get everybody revved up for one of the most fun matches of the year.
Entrant # 3 — Elias
Realistically, #1 or #2 is where Elias needs to be if he wants to perform/get his heat for the night. There is, however, another way the former Drifter can draw some ire from the WWE Universe is by way of not immediately entering the ring. Think about it. No better way to piss the crowd off than with a song, on the ramp, in the middle of the match. It’s got potential to turn into a really neat moment too. The song doesn’t have to stop for the next entrant. He can stand on the outside the ring and roast not only the city of Philadelphia but the competitors in the match.
Entrant # 4 — Drew Gulak
If 205Live is set to become a touring brand, it’s vitally important to get one of the hotter acts in here to showcase what the division is all about. Gulak, on the one hand, doesn’t represent the flips and athleticism that come with being a Cruiserweight, sure. But on the other, he’s so OVER. And one a third hand, he’s the hometown boy. This crowd would eat his surprise appearance up. He probably won’t stop Elias’ concert either, so his arrival is tactical in that it’ll keep that serenade going.
Entrant # 5 — Jason Jordan
Jordan is one of the biggest heels in WWE today. The fans can’t stand the guy. He’s done so great as a bratty son. His history of throwing produce at Elias means he could make a play to try and cut that show short. The thing is, Elias could do with some more heat. The current Raw tag team champion shouldn’t focus on him, all he’ll want is that opportunity to main event Wrestlemania, like daddy did. But there’s a way for both of these heels to get big heat: eliminating Tye Dillinger. If Elias provides a distraction, Jordan has no shame picking up the scraps.
Elimination — Tye Dillinger by Jason Jordan

Entrant # 6 — Sin Cara
It feels like ages ago that there was talk he’d feature more on TV because he signed a new contract. Nevertheless, he adds some exciting athleticism to the match. Don’t expect any eliminations, he’ll just include some fun spots in the early going.
Entrant # 7 — Chad Gable
We’ve only seen the former members of American Alpha interact once since Jordan was signed to Raw. No better time to have them hash out whatever problems they have than in the Rumble. Gable gets the opportunity to mix it up with Gulak. Should be a real treat. Would be fun if they reunited Gable and Jordan for a quick minute. The Alpha reunion brings about the end of Sin Cara campaign.
Elimination — Sin Cara by Chad Gable & Jason Jordan
Entrant # 8 — Aiden English
Elias has been performing for quite some time on the side. The last mock-up, I predicted that Elias & English would have a sing-off at #1’s and 2. It’s a little more difficult to do it in the middle of the match. This is fantasy-booking though, so we’re going to make it happen. The 2012 Rumble was home to so many shenanigans and comedy spots, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility.
Entrant # 9 — Rob Van Dam
Cue the ECW chants! Unfortunately, WWE doesn’t have a lot of old-school ECW guys to choose from these days. But RVD would be most fans’ first choice. He’ll break up our singalong and toss out Elias along the way. RVD working Balor and the rest of the young guys in there makes for some unexpected dream match-ups.
Elimination — Elias by Rob Van Dam
Entrant # 10 — Rhino
More ECW chants! The Royal Rumble random is extraordinarily convenient. Gores for everyone! The ECW reunion need only happen for a second. The shorter it is, the more heat there will be on whoever scores that elimination. Let’s have Jordan snag this one.
Elimination — Rhino by Jason Jordan
Entrant # 11 — Shelton Benjamin
Give me a callback to RVD & Shelton’s 2006 feud or give me death. It’s all I ask. In other news, the union of Benjamin & Gable spells trouble for everyone in the match, especially Jordan. But he’ll plead with Chad for them to all work together. Shelton is skeptical, but American Alpha + Shelton Benjamin are now going to wreak havoc on everyone in the match. To show they’re a united front, unfortunately, we’ve got to say bye to The Whole F’N show.
Elimination — RVD by Jordan, Gable, & Shelton Benjamin

Entrant # 12 — Seth Rollins
Where do Jason Jordan’s allegiances lie now? His current and former tag partner are in there. These two sides go to war here, and we get some dream sequences with the likes of Rollins & Gable/Benjamin. Seth can do away with Benjamin.
Elimination — Shelton Benjamin by Seth Rollins
Now we’re in an interesting spot here. The shoe is on the other foot. Gable pleads with Jordan now. This time, though, Jordan isn’t a man of his word. He’s gonna turn his back on Gable and toss him from the match.
Elimination — Chad Gable by Jason Jordan
Entrant # 13 — Rusev
Rusev Day came early! With Aiden English quietly surviving for a while, the arrival of his partner couldn’t come at a better time. He’s probably one of, if not the most over dudes on the roster right now. We’ve got the Raw Tag Team Champions in there. Let’s have these guys square off for the time being.
Entrant # 14 — Kofi Kingston
One of the best rumble competitors over the years. We’re due for an exciting near-elimination every time Kofi steps foot in the ring. This year will be no different. I couldn’t tell you how he’ll survive, I just know he’ll do it.
Entrant # 15 — Cesaro
Not much to say here. Cesaro ain’t gonna win the thing. He’s going to uppercut probably everyone to hell. Dude is a workhorse and can perform well with anyone in a ring. The Swiss Superman has problems with Rollins & Jordan, and he’s tough enough where he’ll go after both of them. Besides, the odd-ball tag team doesn’t exactly get along so he could play that to his advantage. The ring is starting to fill up.
Entrant # 16 — Mojo Rawley
He’s a former Andre Battle Royal winner. They’re trying to push him at the moment, so he’ll do a little something-something out here. The ideal way to get him some heat would be to have him cut off a Kofi near-elimination and take him out himself.
Elimination — Kofi Kingston by Mojo Rawley
Entrant # 17 — Sheamus
Sheamus is in, and he and Cesaro are about to wreak havoc. Aiden English has been in the match for quite some time, so it’s time for him to go. The Bar meeting Rollins & Jordan in the ring is a much-anticipated confrontation. Sure, they’ve wrestled each other every week for months. The thing is, it’s more important for the partnership of the current champs. This right here could be the dissolution of their relationship here. All it would take is for Jason to try and eliminate Seth. Easy. Rollins has turned on people before, so he should see it coming, and he should handle it by giving the crowd what they’ve wanted all night — Jordan’s elimination.
Elimination — Aiden English by The Bar
Elimination — Jason Jordan by Seth Rollins
Entrant # 18 — No Way Jose

He’s been mostly absent since from NXT TV. The Rumble is the perfect place to introduce a character as fun as Jose. These Big Four crowds love a good NXT call-up. It just works. His appearance in the match doesn’t bind him to the main roster because fellas like Rusev & Dillinger in year’s past were called up months after their Rumble appearance. His antics will make for a fabulous interaction with Rusev. Let’s give him a big moment and have him toss Mojo Rawley from the match because No Way is a reminder of the maniac he used to be.
Elimination — Mojo Rawley by No Way Jose
Entrant # 19 — Bray Wyatt
His role may currently be closer and closer to the comedy department each week, but he’s still had some impressive showings on Raw. Nothing really to write home about, but he’s convincingly winning his matches. I don’t know if he’s really in the market to eliminate anyone. That’s not why he’s here. It’s not the story he has to tell.
Entrant # 20 — Matt Hardy
It’s an easy call. WWE very much enjoys putting rivals one spot after another. The first shots in the Great War can be fired here in the ring. It works best for both if they eliminate one another. Let’s give the edge to Hardy first, but Bray will immediately return the favor.
Elimination — Bray Wyatt by Matt Hardy
Elimination — Matt Hardy by Bray Wyatt
Entrant # 21 — Xavier Woods
Kofi is long gone, but Xavier is more than capable of holding his own. Woods & Rusev have their histories. If his old rivals The Bar come his way, maybe he can find an ally in No Way Jose. No Way & New Day! Pls. Need.
Entrant # 22 — Baron Corbin
The Lone Wolf has had arguably one of the weirdest years of any “on the rise” WWE superstar. An unsuccessful IC campaign against Dean Ambrose, a failed MITB cash in, and he ended it losing the US title after a lackluster run. I can’t imagine him having a spectacular Rumble showing here either. But for the time being, I can see him dumping No Way Jose to get some heat on him.
Elimination — No Way Jose by Baron Corbin
Entrant # 23 — John Cena
There aren’t a lot of folks I could see winning this in 2018. Cena, while he doesn’t need it, does have a good story if he does. He’s trying to break Flair’s record and win the World title for the 17th time. If Kevin Owens wins the WWE title earlier in the night, then maybe, just maybe, Cena will get his 17th title reign against Owens in the main event of Wrestlemania. Doesn’t change the fact that the Champ is here, and he’s going to come in hot. RIP Rusev. Say it ain’t so, but he’s been in the match for a hot minute and someone’s got to bite the dust when Big Match John shows up.
Elimination — Rusev by John Cena
Entrant # 24 — Shinsuke Nakamura
In his first Rumble, let’s make the King of Strong Style look STRONG! Knees for everyone and the end of the road for The Bar! Nakamura is sure to get some pops with his interactions with Finn & Seth. Bet on him to point at that Wrestlemania sign during one or both of those stare downs.
Elimination — Cesaro & Sheamus by Shinsuke Nakamura
Entrant # 25 — Big E
I’d love for Big E’s run here to lead to the start of a singles run, but it probably won’t. Expect he and Xavier to have some fun in there, as only The New Day can. No one is really expendable in terms of elimination, but these guys don’t really need to toss anyone to get over.

Entrant # 26 — Roman Reigns
The Big Dog is going to get booed in any spot he comes out from. These fans don’t want to see him anymore where near another final 4. They don’t want him winning another one. He’s likely to win it. It’s fitting really. Philly is where he won his first in 2015, and he unsuccessfully challenged Lesnar because Rollins cashed in his Money In The Bank Briefcase in the middle of their match. We’re here 3 years later. Philadelphia might turn their backs on the Royal Rumble forever if he were to win there twice. Well, anyway, he’s got to get eliminations, cause that’s what he does. Bye, bye Baron Corbin. He and Seth can team up to get some Shield vs. New Day II.
Elimination — Baron Corbin by Roman Reigns
Entrant # 27 — Randy Orton
ALLEGEDLY, he’s taking time off after this. I can’t see him really doing anything significant here. The field is pretty stacked as it stands. RKOs for everyone. Cena & Orton stare down is pretty much essential because who knows how many more times we’ll get it. Alright yeah, that’s about all I can really write about Randy, so we’re done here. Oh yeah, I just remembered he won the match last year. :/
Entrant # 28 — Samoa Joe
RIP to everyone. Let’s clean this ring up. The arrival of Joe means the departures of Finn Balor, Xavier Woods, & Big E. He and Reigns will inevitably go to war. Rollins will definitely get tangled up in that mix. Most of Joe’s focus will be on Reigns.
Elimination — Finn Balor, Xavier Woods, & Big E by Samoa Joe
Entrant # 29 — The Miz
At the time of this writing, The Miz still has it out for Roman Reigns. He’s returning to TV a few days after this gets posted. It makes sense for him to go after the man who took his IC Championship. Rolling Stone’s Wrestler of the Year needs to do something impressive here. Expect him to team up with Samoa Joe here cause they’re kinda outnumbered as far as faces and heels go. Also I just really can’t see Randy Orton doing anything this match, so I’m gonna have Joe eliminate last year’s winner.
Elimination — Randy Orton by Samoa Joe
Entrant # 30 — Shane McMahon
Yep. So Daniel Bryan went and made the WWE title match a handicap match. He’s only added gas to the fire that is Shane McMahon’s, reckless decision making. This time, The Money is going into business for himself and inserts himself in the Rumble just in case Owens/Zayn beat AJ Styles. That’s not all. He gets himself in at #30. He’ll team with Nak since they’ve got a good relationship. Who knows how far that goes.
At this point, we’re down to 6. I’ll just start listing off events as they happen.
Elimination — Seth Rollins by Samoa Joe
Cena & Reigns unite to take down Joe. Miz levels the playing field with a steel chair and takes ou both Cena & Reigns. Shane O’ eliminates The Miz to make the save.
Elimination — The Miz by Shane McMahon
At this time, Owens & Zayn come down to the ring. They’re trying to make sure Shane doesn’t win. Daniel Bryan’s music hits. Shane gets distracted. Joe throws Shane out of the match.
Elimination — Shane McMahon by Samoa Joe
Shane is furious. He thinks D-Bry had it out to screw him. D-Bry didn’t. Owens & Zayn get the jump on Shane. It’s a mess. This whole thing is a mess.
We’re down to 4!
Samoa Joe becomes the victim of a 3 on 1 assault. It’s the only way to get him out of the match. He looks strong as fuck having to be eliminated by 3 of the top guys in the company.
Elimination — Samoa Joe by Roman Reigns, John Cena, & Shinsuke Nakamura
Of all the stories Wrestlemania main events have to tell this year, these 3 are the biggest. Reigns wants to finally beat the Beast. Cena wants to break the record. Nakamura vs. Styles. Cena put them both over this year, and it’s logical for him to do it once more.
Elimination — John Cena by Shinsuke Nakamura
The crowd is hot for this. Mostly cause they do not want Roman to win. But also because this is the first time this pairing has ever gone one on one. Give them 7 minutes to just go balls the wall. WWE using The Rock to try to get a pop for Roman in 2015 was silly. Hopefully, they learned from that and instead realize that if Roman and Nakamura just have an insane series of near-eliminations. Roman goes over. He’s got, Brock. And let’s sell this match immediately.
Elimination — Shinsuke Nakamura by Roman Reigns
Get Brock’s ass down here. Let’s start this thing up now. Brock hits an F5 on Roman Reigns. The crowd is hot. Goodnight everyone. Alright, let’s do the stats.

Winner — Roman Reigns (3 Eliminations)
Most Eliminations — Samoa Joe (6)
Ironman — Finn Balor (40ish minutes)
Next week, Ronda Rousey is coming to town and winning the Women’s Royal Rumble.
