WWE Women’s Mock Rumble 2.0 — The Rousey Edition

Dan Scotti
Sep 7, 2018 · 14 min read

Hey gang! This week we’re going to take a look at a fantasy-booked Women’s Royal Rumble with Ronda Rousey added to the mix. I’m not going to give the TMZ Sports the clicks cause of how they stalked the shit out of her and Triple H when they had dinner earlier this week. It’s basically inevitable. So we’re gonna explore the possibility that she comes in, wreaks havoc, and leaves.

Entrant #1 — Naomi

She was the first person to declare for this historic contest, so why not have her kick things off here? Her entrance is nothing short of a spectacle, and if this is the hot opener, it’ll have everyone hyped. Going to use this opportunity to fantasy-book some terrible merch for her. “Glow Home, Your Drunk.” Yup. Ok. I’ll see myself out.

Entrant #2 — Sasha Banks

It’s Boss Time! This matchup is what the Royal Rumble is all about. #1 & #2 have some history, they’re on different brands, and they’re both athletic enough to provide an action-packed first 90 seconds.

Entrant # 3 — Lita

Something about counting down from 10 just gets crowds pumped AF. Think about it? New Year’s Eve is just the entire world counting down from 10. For the first one in Women’s Rumble history, let’s make it a surprise. The roof will blow off the Wells Fargo Center if the first new participant is a Hall of Famer like Lita. It’s almost too perfect. She presented the new Women’s Championship to Sasha, Charlotte, & Becky back at Wrestlemania 32. Her stepping in the ring with Banks from the early going would make for a special moment. There won’t be a dry eye in the house.

Entrant # 4 — Ruby Riott

Of the members of the Riott Squad, Ruby has been featured most prominently on NXT + WWE TV. In the first mock-up, I emphasized the importance of getting her in the ring early and away from her stablemates so that she could strut her stuff, and it’s still equally as important. This way she gets in the ring with some seasoned veterans. It’ll be fun to watch her mix it up with all three of these ladies, namely Lita.

Entrant # 5 — Alicia Fox

I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t this almost the same as the first fantasy-booking? No. Not exactly. In this one, Alicia Fox doesn’t enter until #5. Last time she came in at #3. Things aren’t too different in that she’s going to be the first one eliminated.

Elimination — Alicia Fox by Sasha Banks

Entrant # 6 — Mandy Rose

This past week on Raw, Mandy showed what she can do in the ring. Much like Ruby, she’s got a prime opportunity to learn from some top talent. In a situation like this, Rose will definitely look strong as she’s a fresh face not only in this match but on the main roster.

Entrant # 7 — Kairi Sane

The winner of the Mae Young Classic should be involved in a match like this. Last summer’s all women’s tournament was an integral part of this evolution in WWE, so this works. It’s a nice surprise, and it’s not binding to a main roster call-up just yet. Kairi’s cameo is early enough in the match where she can get a few spots in before the action heats up down the stretch. Really looking forward to the prospect of her and Sasha having a back and forth.

Entrant # 8 — Carmella

If it were up to me, well I guess with fantasy-booking it is up to me, Carmella would win this match. Unfortunately, I have some responsibility as a fantasy-booker to string together some semi-logical shit. Maybe this is purely reactionary to her pancake-eating training montage with Big E and the New Day, but who cares.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bdx32TcFgrU/

As the MITB holder, it’s unlikely she’ll go over here. However, if this were the second or third edition of the Women’s Rumble, it wouldn’t be farfetched fantasy-booking to have the MITB holder also win a Rumble. Imagine that insurance policy, a guaranteed championship match at Wrestlemania AND a backup championship match just in case!

Anyhow, expect her to handle some business here in the early going. She can get some cheap heat by pulling some heel elimination on Lita. You’re probably mad just reading about it, but it puts Mella over, and she looks like she’ll be a big player in the company’s future.

Elimination — Lita by Carmella

Entrant # 9 — Mickie James

The only way Mickie James would win the Rumble is if she went on one last run before losing at Wrestlemania. I don’t see it happening. Instead, I see her being a presence/ring general to help some of the newer girls through a chaotic bout like this one.

Entrant # 10 — Brie Bella

Brie Mode is back fam! Whether she’s returning full time or not, Brie Bella deserves the spot. She’s been away since Wrestlemania 32, and she doesn’t really need to do a lot either. Just has to get her shit in, get the fans into it, and put someone over on the way out. So think of this as phase #1 and #2 of that operation.

Entrant # 11 — Paige

I’m not sure how she’s really going to fair in this match given that she might still be not 100% cleared to compete. This is fantasy-booking though so she’s healthy now. Her and Mandy teaming up is an ideal way to clean up some of this ring, and if they eliminate Brie on some bullshit, everyone’s gonna be pissed. Kairi Sane can also be protected if she gets taken out by this relatively unstoppable force.

Eliminations — Brie Bella & Kairi Sane by Absolution

Entrant # 12 — Liv Morgan

WWE is totally going to play it safe like they did back in the 2011 Rumble, with the Nexus and Corre, and not have Absolution & the Riott Squad intermingle. But we don’t play anything safe here. So let’s get everyone fighting here, huh? In an equal show of dominance, Liv & Ruby are going to target their earliest victim, Naomi. Time for her to GLOW HOME — can’t believe I tried that joke again.

Elimination — Naomi by Liv Morgan & Ruby Riott

Entrant # 13 — Alundra Blayze

Picture this! Surprise entrant. The action stops in the ring. Absolution tries to step to Blayze, and she drops them like a championship into a garbage can. Then, Riott Squad tries to act tough. Bad move. Liv Morgan is getting hurled out of that ring faster than you can say “Monster Truck.” Let he look a boss out there.

Elimination — Liv Morgan by Alundra Blayze

Entrant # 14 — Sonya Deville

Sonya Deville has been portrayed as strong enough where she could probably hold her own against the former Madusa. She doesn’t need to get a physical advantage, cause she’s got the numbers game going for her. Absolution team up and eliminate Alundra, and then they go on an absolute tear. Eliminating Alundra Blayze & Mickie James for starters.

Elimination — Alundra Blayze & Mickie James by Absolution

Entrant # 15 — Dana Brooke

She’s strong too, so it makes sense to have her and Sonya go toe-to-toe, but again the numbers just prove to be too much. Dana doesn’t last long.

Elimination — Dana Brooke by Absolution

Entrant # 16 — Sarah Logan

Riot Squad vs. Absolution in full force, sort of. Let’s get it. Granted, these stables are still new, the action in the ring should stop around a brawl like this. Sarah Logan is the muscle of the group, and with that, she should decisively take out one member of Absolution. Deuces to Mandy Rose. Paige now pleads with the Riott Squad to chill out and maybe work out some sort of alliance together.

Elimination — Mandy Rose by Ruby Riott & Sarah Logan

Entrant # 17 — Asuka

It’s over. Bye Y’all. Asuka is in, and she’s gonna tear apart every single one of these alliances like it ain’t nothing. Ruby, then Paige, then Sony, then Sarah, just like that. There are only three people in the ring now. No one is ready for Asuka.

Eliminations — Ruby Riott, Paige, Sonya Deville, & Sarah Logan by Asuka

Entrant # 18 — Eve Torres

This is a fun little surprise. I could very easily see her coming back, and pairing her against Asuka would be great. The purple belt in jiu-jitsu in a submission battle with the Empress of Tomorrow makes for the most unexpected “once in a lifetime” moment. It isn’t the biggest deal, most people won’t remember it, but it’ll be fun to watch them grapple while Sasha & Carmella powder on the side and just chill.

Entrant # 19 — Becky Lynch

She could very well win this damn thing. If Rousey really is filming a movie during this weekend, then I hope they give Lynch the nod, and she wins. But hey, she’s gonna have a damn good outing until Ronda shows up. Becky could also tangle it up with Eve cause of their submission expertise. She and Sasha can reunite as the Four Horsewomen, and it’s been a while since we’ve seen that.

Entrant # 20 — Bayley

It is about to get V Horsewomen-y up in here. There’s some fun to be had with three of the four in the ring. Meanwhile, Eve’s been in here for a minute so let’s bounce her out of here. What a better way to celebrate that reunion than with eliminating the 2007 Divas Search winner?

Elimination — Eve by Sasha, Becky & Bayley

Entrant # 21 — Peyton Royce

Somehow, some way Peyton is the first NXT call-up of the night. She and Billie are virtual locks to be in this match. They’re main roster ready, and if you want them to make an impression, introduce them here. She’s got history with Asuka, so that’s lit, but then it’ll be the first time she really gets to work with her fellow NXT alumni. I don’t know how many matches she would have had with the Horsewomen or Carmella. Get her to display her athleticism for a moment and look strong cause she is the freshest in the match.

Entrant # 22 — Billie Kay

WWE doesn’t give a shit if tag team partners draw back to back. It’s happened so many times in the history of this match. That’s fine. All things considered, this is relatively normal. In this case, I feel like the pop will be louder and it’s better for both of these new characters to debut one after the other. Of the people in the ring, Bayley is the girl that is A) most expendable and B) probably enough of a shock elimination that it’ll get some heat on the Iconic Duo.

Elimination — Bayley by Peyton Royce & Billie Kay

Entrant # 23 — Nikki Bella

She’s back! With her sister making an appearance earlier in the match, it only makes sense for her to be part of this historic event. She is the longest reigning Divas champion in history. Nikki doesn’t have to do a lot here. But we can rehash her old rivalry with Carmella and take her out of the equation. The Princess of Staten Island has been in the match for a while and had an impressive enough run. If Nikki eliminates her, it’s not like Mella’s stock is going to drop. Besides, after 20+ minutes in the Rumble, it really doesn’t matter who eliminates you because Michael Cole will have reminded us how many minutes she’s been in the match for the last 15.

Entrant # 24 — Natalya

Natty & Nikki can reignite their rivalry here too. Of all the competitors in this match, she’s the one that would be most likely to hang out on the outside and let everyone else do the fighting before entering. I think it’d be awesome if she comes out with her phone and shows the German commentators pictures of her cats until someone pulls her into the ring.

Entrant # 25 — Trish Stratus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTexSqtw-K0

Business has just picked up. Kurt Angle was on the phone with someone this past Monday on Raw and was telling them that they need to be in the Rumble. Probably Trish tbh. Ok, so with the arrival of the Hall of Famer, we’re due for so many moments it’s gonna be off the charts. First things first, she’s got to work a little bit with the new blood in the Iconic Duo. Nothing ma, just long enough for them to get a move or two in and for Trish to fire up, come back, and clothesline both of them over the ropes at the same time. What’s better than one elimination? A DOUBLE ELIMINATION! But now we can focus on her staring down and work sequences with Sasha, Asuka, Becky, Nikki, and Natalya.

Eliminations — Peyton Royce & Billie Kay by Trish Stratus

Oh, I almost forgot. If Rousey is going to be in this match, we’ve got to protect Asuka. So Absolution has got to show up, seeking revenge, and ruin our sequence with Asuka & Trish. Paige pulls the distraction, Sonya throws her out. Boom. Easy. Crowd gets pissed. Absolution doesn’t look weak anymore. Everyone wins.

Elimination — Asuka by Absolution

Entrant # 26 — Tamina

Coming in this late in the game, at least one commentators is going to announce her as their new favorite to win it. For the story this match is telling, it’s going to benefit her to come in like a house of fire. I mentioned the Rousey protection plan just a second ago? Nikki Bella should get that same treatment. So Tamina can get some momentum by throwing her out of the match.

Elimination — Nikki Bella by Tamina

Entrant # 27 — Stephanie McMahon

What kind of historical event would this be if a McMahon didn’t stamp their face on it? Really though, Steph & Trish going at it one more time is a neat little thing. She doesn’t need to do a lot, other than put over some faces (IE Sasha & Becky) and maybe Tamina as a monster. Other than that, she’s really just sort of hanging around for Ronda.

Entrant # 28 — Lana

Lana won’t get to do much so late in the match. She and Tamina can team up with Natty, and the Welcoming Committee can dominate for a quick minute.

Entrant # 29 — Ronda Rousey

Let me preface her entry with this. I think late winners in the Rumble, more often than not are just lazy booking. Batista in 2014 & Del Rio in 2011 come to mind. Ronda though, I feel has to come in late here. Sure, there is that part of me that fears that the fans in attendance (not me tho) will be chanting her name all match. So do they give her the AJ Styles treatment and have her come out at 3? You could do that. But having Ronda Rousey not win in her debut seems kind of deflating. AJ has done just fine, but with Ronda, there’s this sense that she’ll probably undefeated forever and run through everyone. Ok yeah, so she’s in, and almost everyone is about to be out.

First things first. Lana’s gonna bite the bullet and be the first victim. Then she’s got to go after Natalya, cause if that’s who trained her, she’ll establish a sense of comfort in the ring by running through a spot with someone she’s trained with. Boom but she’s gone. Then it’s Steph. Steph’s another one, she’ll put Ronda over just like she did at Wrestlemania Play. Hasta la vista Steph.

Ok, and that’s good for now.

Eliminations — Lana, Natalya, & Stephanie McMahon by Ronda Rousey

Entrant # 30 — Nia Jax

Sure, you can have Ronda get in there and toss everyone out, but how much more fun would it be to have her go up against an even bigger threat. Nia & Ronda stare down. Jax ain’t tryna play these games though. Position Tamina in a way that she’s near the ropes. Have Nia turn around and lariat her right over the ropes like it’s nothing. Monster vs. Monster let’s go!

Elimination — Tamina by Nia Jax

So we’re already down to 5 here. Sasha Banks has been in since #2, Becky Lynch since #19, Trish Stratus at #25, Ronda Rousey at #29, and Nia Jax just got here.

Now I know we just spent time getting to build Nia up as a big threat, but the WWE loves them some shock value. Time for Nia to get hurled out of the ring dramatically. Rousey eliminates Jax, and we’re down to 4.

Elimination — Nia Jax by Ronda Rousey

Ok so now what? How do these other three women overcome this beast? Since she’s not a full-time star logic says that Trish Stratus should be the next to go.

Elimination — Trish Stratus by Ronda Rousey

Now it’s 3. Two of the Four Horsewomen of Wrestling vs. One of the Four Horsewomen of MMA. At this point in the match, should be the first time that Ronda really shows any signs of a struggle. She’s got two of the best women in WWE teaming up to take her down. The idea here is that they can easily tease that Rousey might get eliminated because any of these combinations as the final 2 is huge. Truthfully, Sasha & Becky deserve it because they’ve done so much for the business. Ronda’s money though. So we’re going back and forth — and hey what do you know: Banks & Lynch pull the damn thing off! Ronda is out!

Elimination — Ronda Rousey by Sasha Banks & Becky Lynch

Final two. Becky & Sasha. Fighting and fighting. Becky gets the upper hand, and she looks like she’s got this damn thing, but Sasha throws her over. Sasha WINS! It’s a beautiful finish. Not a dry eye in the house. Chopped onions are under everyone’s seats.

UNTIL — Rousey gets back in the ring. This time, she’s got some help. Shayna Baszler, Marina Shafir, and Jessamyn Duke are with her now. Becky tries to get in to help her, but it’s too much. They beat down on Banks and Lynch. Charlotte can do nothing but watch from commentary. It looks like the groundwork is laid for some sort of confrontation in the future, right? But it can’t be Wrestlemania cause Charlotte has a title and Sasha just won the Rumble. Or did she?

Let’s go back up to Nikki Bella’s entry. Sure, she took out Carmella, but did she eliminate her? I said — take out. Remember when I said, “If it were up to me, well I guess with fantasy-booking it is up to me, Carmella would win this match. Unfortunately, I have some responsibility as a fantasy-booker to string together some semi-logical shit.” Keyword: semi-logical. Well, I did my part, now it’s time to swerve everyone and make some crazy shit happen.

It’s at the time that the refs start to realize that after Carmella is still in the match. After being sort of tossed out of the ring, Carmella rolls under the apron. Now she’s rolling back out, and she’s telling the refs she’s still in it. So the bout is restarted. Mella thumps Sasha with her briefcase for good measure and then throws her out of the ring.

Elimination — Sasha Banks by Carmella

What happens to Wrestlemania now? Well, let’s have Mella use her Rumble opportunity to challenge Alexa Bliss at Wrestlemania. Meanwhile, on Smackdown we’ve got 4 Horsewomen vs. 4 Horsewomen. So Mella beats Alexa at Mania AND THEN cashes in her MITB on Charlotte after that grueling match to win both Women’s Championships in the same night. FANTASY-BOOKING IS THE DAMNEDEST THING. Alright, well that’s enough of that. Here are some stats from that match.

Winner — Carmella (#8)

Most Eliminations — Ronda Rousey (5)

Iron Woman — Sasha Banks (50 Minutes)

Shortest Time — Alicia Fox

Alright, we’re back here next week with the final Men’s Mock. To determine the winner, I’m going to show my eighty-seven-year-old grandpa pictures of wrestlers announced for the match and build the whole Rumble based on his thoughts.

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I type like 103 WPM, but that doesn’t mean any of it’s actually good

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