My Uncles: Donald, Ted, Marco and Ben

Everyone has that uncle they can rely on to do something in particular and do it well. Fortunately, I have four uncles. Well, five if you count my uncle John from Ohio. But we’re not sure he’s actually related to us so we ignore him.

Allow me to introduce my uncles.

Uncle Ben is the soft spoken and religious uncle. When we need someone to pray at our family gatherings, he’s the one we turn to. He’s actually a surgeon too. So our medical questions always seem to be directed his way. Even if they aren’t his specialty. He’s a great optimist. So much so he never knows when to quit.

Uncle Marco is our perfectionist uncle. Everything has to be just so. He often reads from cue cards so he doesn’t mess anything up. And for some reason, he loves to tell us all about our family. We’re like, “Uncle Marco… we know your background already. Give it a rest.” Whenever we need some help with writing speeches, we turn to Uncle Marco. He loves prepared statements.

Uncle Ted is the nerd in the family. He’s so smart and well spoken. Unfortunately, he knows it. He’s a bit smug which is a little annoying. He tends to try too hard at whatever he does and then tends to come off as being disingenuous. But he’s just trying to please everybody. And his voice… yikes. It’s the vocal version of fingernails on a chalkboard. But if you’re ever in a legal battle, watch out. He’ll leave the opponent in a smoldering heap and they won’t even know what hit them. Oh, and he loves guns. We all love guns. It’s in our family’s DNA.

Then there’s Uncle Donald. My gosh. How do I describe Uncle Donald? Although not certifiably so, he’s a little crazy. In fact, we lovingly call him Crazy Uncle Donald. Heck, he’s not even in the construction industry but he has his own bulldozer. When he does something, he does it with a level of crazy abandon that is just a bit scary to watch but exhilarating at the same time. And if you’re ever in a bar fight, bring him along. You’re guaranteed to win. You might get injured yourself a little and innocent bystanders might receive a little residual damage, but you’ll win. No doubt about it. He also doesn’t mince words and you’ll always know exactly where you stand with him. (If he hasn’t knocked you down before he tells you where you stand.) Although Uncle Donald isn’t the most intelligent guy in the room, he is probably the savviest. He knows how to play everyone the way they need to be played in order to get his way. He’s the one that you’ll always be happy was on your side and angry or pissed (most likely both) when he’s not.

Bottom line… pray with Uncle Ben, write a speech with Uncle Marco, win a lawsuit with Uncle Ted but if you’re ever in a competition to win something, Uncle Donald is your man. Because he doesn’t accept losing.

America needs a winner.

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