Jared Kusher’s Collusion Memo, as Told by Dr. Seuss

“I am Natalia Veselnitskaya. Natalia V. is me.”
Natalia V., Natalia V.
I do not like Natalia V.
“Would you like some dirt for free
Sure to wound Ms. Hillary?”
I do not want some dirt for free
Sure to wound Ms. Hillary.
I do not like it, Natalia V.
“We can bring it to Trump Tower.
You can have it in an an hour.
We’ll just leave it in the foyer.
You can trust me, I’m a lawyer.”
I do not want it in Trump Tower.
I do not want it in an hour.
I do not want some dirt for free.
I do not want it, Natalia V.
“Would you take it with some cash?
We can bring it in a flash.”
I do not want it with some cash.
I do not want it in a flash.
I do not want some dirt for free.
I do not want it, Natalia V.
“We can leave it on the floor
Next to our ambassador.
He will look the other way.
We can leave it there today!”
I do not want it on the floor.
I’ve never met your ambassador.
I do not want some dirt for free.
Natalia V. please let me be!
“You do not want some dirt for free?”
I do not want it, Natalia V.
“Emails! Emails! Emails! Emails!
Don’t you want the missing emails?
33,000 in a sack
Printed out and freshly hacked?”
I do not want the missing mail.
Not in a sack, not in an hour.
Not in a flash, not in Trump Tower.
Not with some cash, not on the floor.
Not with your ambassador.
I do not want some dirt for free.
I do not want it, can’t you see?
“Would you, could you, on the phone?
Would you, could you, for a loan?”
I would not, could not, on the phone.
I will not, will not, for a loan.
“We can send it through a secret channel.
Would you like it with a camel?”
I do not want a secret channel.
I do not want it with a camel.
I do not want it on the floor.
I don’t know your ambassador.
I do not want it in a flash.
I do not want it with some cash.
I do not want some dirt for free.
I do not want it, Natalia V.
“You do not want our dirt, you say.
Try it, and you may.
Try it, and the election we may sway.
“Your real estate is in the tank?
We can match you up with Deutsche Bank.
They’ll happily take action
Once you remove a few small sanctions.”
Saaaaay! I do like dirt for free!
I do! I like it, Natalia V.
And I will like it in a flash.
And I will like it with some cash.
I will like it via secret channel
I will like it riding on a camel.
I will like it on the floor.
I will like it with the ambassador.
I will like it here or there.
I will like it anywhere.
I do so like some dirt for free!
Thank you! Thank you! Natalia V.
(For the record: I did not collude
I would not, could not, Mueller dude.)
