When you sacrifice so much as a caregiver, it is easy for you to become angry when your loved one resists your help. It can be useful, however, to understand some of the reasons for this resistance. This understanding might not change your loved one’s resistant behavior, but this understanding could make the resistant behavior of your loved one more understandable and thus, more tolerable.
If your loved one is your parent, both you and your parent will be changing roles. Earlier in your lives, you were dependent upon your parent for caregiving, and now the roles are reversed. This role reversal is often difficult.
If your loved one always has been a “can do” type of person, becoming dependent can be difficult. Your loved one might become frustrated by the limitations of old age and/or by those limitations of his or her medical condition. Thus, your loved one often might take out these frustrations on you, at least partly because you are the nearest person.
You might benefit by looking on the bright side of this dilemma. A “can do” type of person is less likely to treat a caretaker like a servant by expecting that the caretaker will do tasks that your loved one still can do.
Another reason for resistance is habit. If, for instance, your loved one has had certain unhealthy diet, exercise, smoking, or alcohol preferences for decades, it will be hard for your loved one to change to more healthy but less appealing lifestyle choices.
If your loved one is suffering from dementia, your caregiving responsibilities can become even more difficult. A person who is suffering from dementia often has lost much of his or her reasoning power. This development makes it much more difficult to properly supervise and keep your loved one safe.
The above are only a few of the many reasons why caregiving can be so stressful. There are many problems that manifest themselves in old age. It usually is not possible to accurately predict many of the problems that will occur. Thus, specific preparation ahead of time can be incomplete. This means that most caregivers will find themselves on the steep slope of the learning curve.
Fortunately, there are many resources available to caregivers. It will be well worth your while to determine what help they can provide to you. Also, memorize Psalm 46:2 that reads, “God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress.”
