The Odyssey Of A Semi-Professional

As I write this I am fast approaching the last game of my basketball playing “career”. My journey is coming to an end after 12 years of serious intent and 4 years of flirting with basketball. When reflecting on this journey I can picture memories of great moments and horrible encounters, days of glorious triumphs and nights of absolute despair. However, these experiences moulded me into the man I am today and I am greatly appreciative of every moment good or bad.

My first exposure to Basketball was through my brother. Being 4 years older than me and being male he was not just my older brother, but the person I spent the most time with, my friend, my role-model and my biggest rival. He started playing at 16 which meant I would have to go everywhere with him when I was 12. We would play at first on our driveway where there was no hoop and we would count a basket if you hit a specific brick on the side of the house until our parents got us a basket and the game changed completely. We would play for hours on the driveway usually until our neighbours would complain about the noise as we lived in a small semi-detached house and every time the ball bounced the sound would echo furiously between the two houses. The age difference meant I would lose a lot of 1 on 1 matches. As the losses piled up my frustration would fester and more times than not I would throw my toys out of the pram and we’d have to just get shots up or if I was really out of control go back inside, it usually wouldn't be too long until we would be bored enough to go back out and start all over again.

We would find an outdoor court at our local youth club and would climb the gates or fences to get in out of the clubs opening times, this was how I spent my childhood, trespassing onto private property because it had a hoop in just so I could spend time with and compete against my brother.

He had fallen in love with the game and was from my perspective at the time an unbeatable force of nature. Our 1 on 1 games were very one sided and with them being make it take it, I would pretty much play defence until I threatened to go home, then we would play alternate offences. The change in rules made no difference what so ever, my brother would still destroy me. These battles were the reason I didn’t fall in love with the game until later on. It’s hard to love something you never win at. He got the victories the bragging rights and I got my ass kicked and had no reply, it was frustrating but I kept going back for more.

Being from a small mining village in Sherwood Forest there wasn't anything else to do even if I wanted to, my parents didn’t have much money. As the youngest child, I would get the choice of being with my brother or my sister, as a 12 year old boy and not appreciating my sister for the amazing person she is, it was an obvious choice at the time.

My Brother would leave home for college the summer after he turned 16 and I was left for the first time do whatever I wanted to. I didn’t have to play Basketball any more, but it was the only thing I had ever put time into so I just went with it. I was bored without my brother to play against, I would shoot on my own or play shadow games until I would lose focus. When my brother would come home from time to time we would play against each other and the gap between us had grown beyond measure. He was Dunking and hitting three’s while I could only score lay-ups consistently and would struggle to make a jump-shot from anywhere. This is when I realised that I had to train more and with purpose as that’s what my brother was doing every day and if I was ever going to beat him I needed to train harder and for longer.

I started emulating moves from Larry Bird, Michael Jordan and other players who were on a VHS or appeared on a weekly highlight show. I thought I was getting better, but actually without the feedback from an external perspective, I was actually doing more harm than good. I was getting better at copying skills from highlight videos, but I didn’t understand the value of the basic fundamentals and I would avoid frustration at all costs so I wouldn't work on my weaknesses or push myself.

4 years and a couple of growth spurts later I was 6'4 could Dunk and could play with both hands after breaking my left wrist and having to use the other hand to play and practice with. I would play 3 v 3 with my friends on outdoor courts and would play for my school team where my P.E teacher would coach us and instil some fundamentals to my game and would develop my confidence. This is where I would start to appreciate basketball for the first time, it gave me the chance to hang out with my friends, compete, win and learn from good people. However I was still sitting on the fence I rarely went to any team sessions around me. I would commit then lose motivation with several local league teams as I didn’t like not being the best player. Looking back now I can’t help but think about how much this stunted my development as a player but more so as a person, I just didn't want to get out of my comfort zone.

This would all change as I would follow my brother to Nottingham and join South Nottingham College’s academy. I was still lazy, was scared to look bad and was soft. My coaches at the academy were Paul Douglas and Curtis Xavier both great coaches who would hold me accountable and push me harder than I had ever been pushed. Needless to say my younger self had a hard time dealing with this and I would struggle to adapt to a lifestyle of such discipline and hard work. A year would pass and I had developed from a skinny lazy post player with a hideous jump-shot to a 6'5 wing who could finally hit a jump-shot occasionally. My attitude was starting to change and I was starting to see some improvements to my game, but I was still sitting on that fence. I hadn't yet identified myself as a basketball player or made the commitment to throw everything into being a professional player. I was training with some great players who had made this commitment and my ego couldn't take not being the best nor getting the attention I foolishly thought I was entitled to. There was no doubt that the coaches had done a great job in making me a better player and had strived to make me a better person even if I didn't agree with some of their methods, I still had a long ways to go.

Through frustration I would leave the Academy and go play pick-up games around Nottingham, I didn't have a clue what I was doing with my life, I had no direction on and off the court. However, I was then lucky enough to meet Thomas “Tomcat” Sewell an ex NBA player residing in Nottingham who would use Basketball as a tool to get kids off the streets. I would play against him in scrimmages and learn a lot from him. I didn't know how old he was I just knew he was way past his prime as a player but I knew that he was the best player at every scrimmage by a long way and I knew that he went hard. If his team was off the court he was doing body weight exercises. Tomcat would do a lot for me over the next few months and my relationship with basketball would have come to an ugly end if I had never of met him.

At this point my brother was an outstanding player, a 6'9 machine that could shoot the lights out and make seemingly impossible plays with grace and ease. He would take his first leap into professional basketball in Belgium and take the first setback of his Basketball career. He hadn’t enjoyed his experience in a foreign country and was headed home. He would end up playing for the local team Mansfield Express and he wanted me to join him. So I went to Mansfield and didn’t look back.

In Mansfield I would play for the Men’s team and for the academy team. Both teams were incredibly successful and this was mainly due to the culture the coaches had created. I felt like I was free to play how I wanted to and I got better by being trusted to make mistakes and learn from them. This is the time I would fall in love with Basketball. We would play on a horrible run down court in the middle of nowhere but we all appreciated it for what it was, a place for us all to get together and work as hard as we could on our games. Under the coaching of Chris Squires and Matt Shaw I would start to develop a basketball I.Q and would take pride in my defence and in my role on the team, most importantly this is the first time in my life I started to put the team’s needs above my own and finally understood the importance of playing against better players. This season was one of the most enjoyable of my career and the most influential for me personally as I had finally embraced the team concept and started to identify myself as a Basketball player. Not so coincidently this season we would win a Division 2 title and come third in the Colleges tournament. Not a bad result for a team playing out of a run-down rugby club in Mansfield.

After a few more seasons in Mansfield where I would increase my skill level, start to do gym work more rigorously and get an education, I was wanting to test my abilities in the states. I would attend a small school in the middle of nowhere in California. I was on a team full of amazing players and a potential NBA talent. This exposure really opened my eyes to how good some players were out there. The first few months were amazing I would shoot thousands of jump-shots a day using a machine known as a gun (see video below) and I would be so far out of my comfort zone in practice by having to guard such good players that I had zero expectations and just played the game. Every practice I went to I had nothing to lose as I was playing against players that were so good that it was scary. I went from being a big fish in a small pond to a tiny fish in an endless ocean.

My first American game quickly came around and I was the most nervous I have ever been, amazingly I shot well and just went all out. I was really happy with my performance and that I had played with such confidence. My coach had a different perspective and expected more of me. I struggled to get on the same wave length as my coach we were just too different and I just couldn't understand why he was treating me the way he was. I now see that he didn't like mistakes and I now understand that he was under a lot of pressure to get wins, mainly he wanted me to realise my potential and with my mentality at the time being that I thought he ranked me as one of the worst players on the team I didn't understand why his expectations of me were so high.

I remember sitting down as a team and the coaching staff going around the room telling each player what they wanted from them what their role was on the team, I was left for last and was getting increasingly anxious as I sat there waiting, finally my turn arrived and the coach said “what do you think I want from you Dan?” I responded that I think he wants me to be tougher as he was always telling me I was soft, His reply was “no that’s not it, I think your tough, I just want you to……..” he paused it felt like ages I was sat there while he made up his mind about me…..” Ya’ know Dan I just want you to think…No more grasshopper…..Ya’ know what that means don’t ya? Right lets go practice.” And that was it, the other players got I want you to be our main rebounder or be a lights out shooter I got “no more grasshopper” I still can only guess what he meant, I assume it meant to stop hiding behind my potential and start being aggressive, but again that’s an assumption.

I would quickly slide down the bench as new players came in and I would lose favour with the coaches. It got to the point where I would never play and at points in practice I was sat on the bench. Off the court things weren't much better my living conditions weren't the best and I was struggling to fit in. looking back I can now see that I never fully committed to trying to make new friends and isolated myself. It all came to a head when I got put on the court during a game for the first time in a while, I was surprised to be playing at a point in the game where it mattered and I was incredibly anxious. I tried to play through it but I had a couple of turnovers and couldn't get out of my own head, then for my final play of the game I did something that I had never done in a game before……I dribbled into a trap, panicked and double dribbled. My confidence was smashed, I felt like I was getting worse rather than better. Just under a year after arriving my American dream felt like a nightmare, I shortly returned home depressed and without purpose.

After returning home I was at the second point in my life where I had no direction. All I knew was that I just wanted to play Basketball and enjoy it again. I would once again play for the local Mansfield team and after a couple of season’s I loved playing again. I would meet my partner Becky through basketball in Mansfield and I decided that if we were going to be together I needed to set myself up for a better financial future. I would go on to further my education at Derby University on a full sports scholarship while playing for the Derby Trailblazers. This was one of the best decisions of my life. I would play my best season yet as an individual winning a few awards and also my team would win both our league and playoffs as a national league team and our BUCS University team would be just as successful. Even though the winning was fun it wasn't the results that made the year so good, it was the people, the commitment and the effort we put into the process of getting better and the way we grew as a collective that made that season special.

I am still playing for Derby now and I can once again feel my enjoyment waning but now I know it’s for a different reason. I am at a point in my career where the juice just isn’t worth the squeeze any more. An example of a weekend away game would be that, I would make a long away trip on a cramped minibus before arriving to either a school or an ageing leisure centre, I would then have a pre-game team talk in one of two options; a public changing room where badminton players are taking a shower or in a store closet. I would then play the game on a hard slippy floor that has never been cleaned with barely any run off meaning that if you made a hustle play you would break your arm on a wall right next to the court. The game would be officiated by 2 or 3 referees who will call the game completely differently to the referees the week before and whose mood could determine the outcome of the game. After the game you may have to share a cramped changing room with the public as well as the other team. Now it’s not all bad at times some teams will feed you after your game, sure sometimes it’s an ideal packed lunch for a school kid but at least it’s something, other teams may give you some cash towards some food at a service station others will let you go home hungry. It’s hard to believe that some people pay for this pleasure.

Winning or losing doesn't make any difference when you play in Division 1, we get nothing for winning our league but the memory of a “successful” year, I know I have been preaching that the game has taught me values, ideals and beliefs and that is true, but you can’t pay bills with a good attitude.

For some team-mates who had professional aspirations performing well was at times irrelevant as the team probably didn't have staticians or if they do they will probably mistake you for a player who retired 3 years ago and give him your stats. You may think I have exaggerated here, but I honestly haven’t, all these examples have happened over and over during my time playing in this country and it wears you down. This isn’t true of some clubs in this country some clubs have standards that they set for themselves and hold themselves accountable for hosting a good event.

I have gotten a lot out of Basketball; my education, housing and work to name a few things of monetary value, I have never been paid a single penny to be a basketball player and that has never mattered to me. The value I saw in basketball was the changes it had made and continued to make in myself as a person. The values, beliefs and principles that make me who I am were moulded on the court during my adult life and that is the more valuable to me than any professional contract. For that reason I want nothing more than the game to flourish in Britain, as things are that will never happen. There is no quality in our leagues in terms of how clubs, teams, officials and players treat the game. We allow poor coaches who has done a course for a few weeks damage children’s confidence. We allow teams to use mini-buses to squeeze 6ft tall and above players in for a 4 hour journey to play on a hard dirty court that has never been cleaned while two teams sacrifice good values and principles to try and get a win. We allow one medium sized city to have 3 or more national league teams because people can’t put their egos aside to collaborate and we allow some of these poorly run clubs to charge players to play for them. The most pressing issue is that there are people who have put the time, energy and money into being a pro player in this country who then have to sign in to job seekers and are homeless at seasons end. These same people won’t have many options for a career after playing for so long, won’t get a pension from their league and that’s how we reward them for sacrificing so much for the sport.

The talent in our country is being failed; by coaches, officials and clubs but mainly by the leagues they play in. Our expectations and standards are too low and not enough qualified people are involved because of the lack of resources. Basketball in this country is being held together by volunteers, volunteers who sacrifice time from their families, pay from work and their own money. This is extremely admirable and I have nothing but respect for anyone who is willing to do this. However, These same volunteers have jobs and families to look after and because of that the sport will never be a priority. Would you let a volunteer dentist near you with a drill? Would you let a voluntary unqualified handyman do work on your house? With professionalism comes accountability and with that comes standards. Our standards must improve.

The game in our country has a chance to make positive changes for a lot of people who need it. I've had some highs and a lot of lows in my career but I have come out better for it. As I look back on my time playing basketball I can’t help but think of how far I’ve come from a personal development standpoint. However, I can’t help but think of where I could be if I had put that time into a realistic career or even football.

I also think about my sitting on the fence, I should have gone all in from the start, no hesitation. In the end I can look back and know that the values, beliefs and principles I have gained from the game make it all worth it but I can’t stop thinking that the game in this country could do that for everyone while putting them in a position to succeed financially when they are done and thank them for pouring their heart and soul into the sport and make it worthwhile for anyone who decides to pick up a ball rather than kick it.

I have been lucky enough to be able to finish my career playing alongside my brother and it has a nice feel to finish how I started. We are going to take a bike ride to that outdoor court and just play; no British basketball politics, no referees, no score, no nonsense. Just two people who love a sport playing against each other for the thrill of competition and to learn from what the game can teach them.