Insomnia


I can’t sleep, my heart is too loud, my soul is too eager and my mind knows not how to shut down.

I’m scared of falling asleep and waking up to be just myself… again. Cause I’m the dreamer who fades into the air as reality strikes, who has to be awake for when these thoughts arrive. So I don’t want to close my eyes, for when I open them again the sun won’t rise, daylight won’t provide the words and verses that find me at night.

I’m scared of falling asleep and waking up to be just myself… again. Just me, the plain kid who’s not a kid anymore but my heart doesn’t understand it… just yet. The girl who wants to grow up so badly to fight pirates and super villains and hunger and politicians. The girl who will find a way to fly and see stars and put an end to war by creating art when she grows up. The grown up who hasn’t told her inner kid that it is too late to dream away.

I’m scared of falling asleep and waking up to be just myself… again. Cause I won’t find my voice among all the other ceased dreamers who let reality win, cause I won’t have the ink to explore all the worlds I should be living in, cause I will be stuck day after day in the body of a woman who believes to be a 10 year old girl. But life’s moved on and she won’t make it without her pen, without a piece of paper and a stage.

I’m scared of falling asleep and waking up to be just myself… again. I’m terrified of waking up and still be the woman who isn’t child enough to keep dreaming, who isn’t grown up enough to be who she dreamed off last night. I’m paralyzed by fear and I can’t be who I am.

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