I think some of the “not wanting to keep doing it” is that it becomes hard. I notice things I don’t like so much like rambling or awkward sentences. I question whether I am contributing anything of value. I wonder if I’m wasting my time. And much of what I say feels unnecessary. But I continue on because it’s a promise I made to myself and because I believe that in that discomfort something will reveal itself, that I will discover things and they will help me in some way.
And this idea of not being oneself as thoroughly as one would be on their own makes complete sense to me. I think that’s true. I also think that is part of the struggle — figuring out how to communicate and be oneself in front of others.
So many questions. Thanks for asking them. Thanks for wondering about it all. And thanks for showing up here. Love to you.