Counting My Blessings and Naming Them One by One; My 40th Birthday Story.

Six years ago, I attended two 40th birthday parties on different days and I remembered my thought as at that time was that I still had a little time before I am 40 but here we are! Time seems to just fly past isn’t it?

I remember my 30th birthday. It was underwhelming and nothing significant, I was alone, didn’t get any gifts, got a few happy birthday calls/messages from mostly my family and a handful of friends and that was it. This underwhelming theme continued for most of my thirty-something years. It got a little better as I got married but not so much. The exception was my 31st where my wonderful friend and her family decided to throw a small living room party for me in 2014.

Fast forward to my 39th birthday last year. I was not feeling too well and spent about 4 hours at a NHS walk-in center trying to see a GP like they call it here. Afterwards, I headed to the library to help out a friend with his assignment. I did not forget that it was my birthday, but I had no plans and I promised him I was going to meet up with him to help him with the assignment. He did not know it was my birthday until another friend made a video call to wish me happy birthday. Imagine his surprise at how casual I was about the day.

I was with him until about 5p.m when we finished, and I decided to head home. However, before heading home, a few questions crossed my mind. Why is it my birthday is so underwhelming each year? Why am I so casual with it as if it is nothing significant? Do I like it that way? No, I do not.

While pondering on these and other questions popping in my mind, I discovered some simple truths. My birthdays were underwhelming and lonely because I was simply ungrateful. I didn’t see the big deal in celebrating birthdays. It was more or less just the same day to me. I couldn’t understand all the fuss about it.

Each year close to my birthday, I always had this thought — “what am I celebrating?” To me I was just growing older which I desperately did not want. This partly stemmed from the pressure I put on myself to achieve some things that I thought I had not achieved. Also, I failed to see my blessings and consequently did not appreciate what I simply regarded as time running out. Picture a football team that desperately need to score a goal and it’s 90 minutes already. Each stoppage for a throw, freekick, or goal kick feels so annoying. My birthdays felt more like the stoppages to take “unnecessary freekicks”. Can time please pause or wait small?

Alas, time waits for no one. My reaction was mostly to withdraw into my shell, my own little bubble with a handful of friends. Adulting did not help matters. Having to deal with life’s challenges daily was getting to me. I was anxious but not worried. I just went quiet. Didn’t build up my old relationships although I was acquiring new ones but not even intentionally. Instead of calming down, I just wanted to do. I did not learn to take it all in and just enjoy life. More like I was bent on taking a path but I was on another path entirely. Rather than enjoying the journey I was on, I was focused on the journey that I had in my head.

I thought about mistakes I had made and just desperately wanted to correct them, but it was like I wasn’t even trying. It was like taking a wrong turn into a long stretch of road and you are trying to make a U-turn but no roundabouts or junctions in sight or when you see one, the opportunity didn’t open for you to take it or when the opportunity opened up, you just didn’t have the strength or where withal to do so.

While focusing on what I haven’t achieved, I was completely blindsided to the things I have achieved. I was ungrateful. I felt more like I was failing than passing. To me it was just counting another year and getting older which was annoying to me. It was as if I should pause the years from counting until I am able to do what I set out to do. I mostly withdrew into my shell and couldn’t really face the world. I just wanted to be alone most of the time. So, for me, it was not worth celebrating and I talk down on doing so.

Interestingly, my favourite bible verse is Philippians 4:4–8. “Rejoice in the Lord always…Do not be anxious about anything…. Whatsoever things are lovely… think on these things.” I completely disregarded this scripture at least in the last 10 years. I didn’t rejoice enough. I was anxious, I did not think of the beauty that surrounded me. I sometimes forgot that He promised that He will never leave nor forsake me. Like a driver that lost his/her way while using a map, the map only reroutes. Yes, it can take a longer route, but it leads you there eventually. The patience to get back on track was what I lacked. I was mostly worried that I had lost my way.

One thing I discovered is that it is the way you “carry your matter that others will help you carry it” and I never carried this matter well at all. My wife at least tried on her part and ensured she always got me a gift and tries to make the day special but me the birthday boy didn’t think it was worth it. I remembered there was a year I turned off my phone as I did not want any birthday wishes/calls.

My major problem was I was focusing on the things I did not have and forgot the many blessings I have and that I got over the years. For at least 9 years, I was like this until a year ago. As soon as I recognized this, I repented and promised God I was never going to be this ungrateful again. I chose to focus on my blessings and rejoice and not be anxious while taking my time to enjoy the journey I am on.

From that day last year, I discovered a simple trick (it is nothing new but effective. It is easily forgotten by we humans when we get carried away with life and its varied challenges). The trick is counting your blessings and naming them one by one. Don’t just count them. Put a name to the blessing. By doing so, the reality hits you that you have a long list of things to be grateful for. It is because you have not sat down to count them or name them, that is why you think you don’t have anything but in reality, you have more than you think.

If you think you do not have a blessing, the fact that you are alive to see another year is one, you can read what I wrote? That’s a blessing as it tells me you have a phone or a computer or even internet. And if somebody else reads it and told you about it, it means you have a friend, family or colleague. That’s a blessing too.

For me right now, my blessings are unending. I have a lovely family — my wife and two beautiful kids. I have my parents (I even have grandparents), my siblings, and of course my beloved family and friends. The provision, kindness and favour I have enjoyed in the space of this year alone, it’s a blessing. My life works. I can celebrate a birthday in good health. That’s a blessing. I can go on and on, but I tell you I have so many things to be grateful for. A lot of people will gladly switch places with me.

So, when it came to this year, this is the most I have been excited about my birthday and since January I already decided that no matter what, I was going to celebrate God’s goodness in my life. It is not because I am 40 but now, I see myself as worth celebrating. Coincidentally, it is the big 40. When my wife eventually asked if I would like to celebrate, it was a convincing yes. She asked a follow up question; how many people we are inviting. I was definite as I already settled everything in my head. I told her 50 people. My wife was shocked.

“Where are we going to get 50 people from?” She asked. “If we were in Nigeria now, I know we would even have more than 100”. I simply replied, I will get 50 people for my birthday here. I can tell you we are planning for 70 now. My wife was shocked that we know so many people in the UK. Part of counting my blessings.

Before I end, I want to give a shout out to my wife, my family and my friends; Seun Ogunjobi, Kunle Akintoye, Jonathan and Mary Kolawole, Tomiwa Ogunyomi, Ayo Oludanhunsi, Uche Onyemali, Debbie Ewko (and her family), Tomi Asher, and my men of purpose guys; Yinka, Tola, Bankole & Mike. These were the most consistent people in my life in the last 10 years. They were always there. They sought me out each time even when I tried to hide. Part of my blessings is that I have met some very wonderful and beautiful people over the last ten years and during my lifetime. I thank God for each person He brought across my path and appreciate each one of you!

In conclusion, focus on what is working in your life and stop focusing of what is not. Count your blessings, name them one by one. You have at least one reason to be grateful. That one reason is enough. You do not even need a lot. Through the law of nature, by focusing on that one blessing, it expands and multiplies to other areas of your life. I can say that for sure as the last one year for me as been one of the best. Not necessarily because I have more but because I rejoice, stopped getting anxious, have better thoughts and more thankful. So, whenever you are feeling down and ungrateful, just count your blessings and name them one by one.