It’s an exercise in memory, where did this all begin?
I was a lost and single woman. I had been waiting patiently on the return of Ghost. I had called him up, defiantly, like you imagine, telling him that I was going to go live my life and I wasn’t waiting on him anymore (I’m sure he wasn’t waiting on me so I’m not sure why I called.) I started going out and within a month, I met him.
I always look back embarrassed that my first words to him were “you speak?” I spent the night unintentionally following him around. A friend pointed it out to me later. Eventually during a particularly unruly night, I stole his number out of a friend’s phone.
Knowing myself now, this is my tell mistake. If I go after them while in an altered state, it’s probably a bad decision and sober me wouldn’t make the same decision. I become so forward and fierce, and why wouldn’t I be? I almost always get what I want through hardwork and persistence. From Ghost to Firefly, everyone was out of reach and I still got what I wanted.
This is where memory fades. Things got hard for a minute at home. My next memory is in April of 2014, the first time I tried to call it off. I tried to end it in a text message because I’m a dreamer and Firefly had helped me grow these big dreams and I wanted to get them. We met in the grass on the hill and we talked. I don’t know what we said, I don’t know why I was going to leave, but I know I didn’t and then my memory fades again.