So I’ve been doing a lot of self evaluation lately. It’s honestly quite obnoxious and I don’t like the way it makes me feel (like an angsty 17-year-old) but it’s really brought to my mind how much self-awareness I lack.
I’ve started where most things do, the surface. I asked five of my guy friends, ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers and current what my level of attractiveness was on a scale of 1–8 and they gave me a number at least a full 2 points higher than expected.
It seemed odd. I know girls that attractive, and I know they’re attractive but I don’t know that I’m as attractive as them?
It reminds me a bit of how starting my first real job was. I was so sure I knew nothing about anything and was going to be the idiot for the first time in my life and then as things went, I realized I was actually really intuitive and capable.
Lately my struggle has been that I know how I’m capable and quick, and I’ve discovered I’m cute. While that brings a whole barrel of double edged sword scenarios, it also had lead me to wonder why I let myself hang around people who take that feeling from me.
We all deserve to be glorified for our accomplishments, struggles, perfections, flaws. That’s what a tribe does for each other. And I’ve suddenly realized I’m not with mine.
Next stop: social skills