I’m Crying but You Can’t Tell.

Attraction is weird

I can’t tell you why I fall for someone; I just do

Some have a type

Hair, eye color, height

But if I want you, I want you

The first time we interacted

Something in me knew

I can still feel him

And remember the texture of his skin

I can still smell him as if he’s right next to me

My body leaning on him

I can still feel the roughness of his kiss when he hadn’t shaved

I’m trying to be strong but every time I cave

I can still feel my heart beat

Faster when he was near me

After all that time I still felt scared

I used to tell him this and he didn’t want me to be scared of him

But that’s not what I meant

I wish moving on was simpler

My heart feels like it’s part of a covenant

Now —

If you want to talk scared,

That really scares me

We’re not meant to be

We’re not meant to be!

But what if we are?

What if our souls were birthed together

Part of the same star

What if I never feel the same again

He warned me this would happen

Maybe he’s just in my head

I’ll put this thought to rest,

Who would I be if the thought of him was dead?

The problem is,

I don’t remember

It feels like I’ve been loving him forever

God I prayed to you

And I know I don’t deserve your help

I have done nothing to deserve it

Please take the reigns

I’m not capable of making decisions

I’m going to mess it all up

Bring me the peace that he has

I was once numbed but it didn’t last

I put him through pain, I deserve this

Why did you allow me to feel like I needed to walk away?

I proved I can stand on my own

But that doesn’t mean I’m okay

I think I’ve made him up to be something different in my thoughts

Maybe I’m not really missing him

Maybe I’ve just forgot

Every minute of every day, even when I’m smiling

I’m trying so hard to hold back the tears still hiding

Fuck!!

When the fuck did I get like this?

I’m supposed to be stronger than this!

I’m supposed to be giving a chance to something new

Get yourself together, Darcy

It’s no longer him and you

It hasn’t been for a while so why the fuck can’t you shut the fuck up and stop fucking complaining

Sleepless nights

Songs that remind you of him

Memories

What are you gaining?!

You swayed to the music,

Your head on someone else’s shoulder, and at first it was nice

Then you couldn’t breathe, felt the pain of a knife

Because you told yourself not to look over

But then you looked in his eyes

He has someone else, and soon you will too

Set in stone!

This person you are now doesn’t have to be you.

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